英语小品两人

An English play---- Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King悟空：师傅，是不是太累了？休息一下再走吧。 Master, are you tired? Let’s have a rest.唐僧：没关系，前面不远就有人家了，到了那里再休息吧。 I am fine. Let’s have a rest later. Look! There is a house over there.悟空仔细地搀扶唐僧继续行走，同时另一边老头、老妈、小媳妇出场。小媳妇（做哭状）：爹、妈，我……Daddy, mommy, I, I …老头：女儿，快走吧，不然那猪精来了，就走不了了。 Honey, hurry up. The spirit is coming soon.小媳妇走几步又回头跑回老妈的怀里，抱头痛哭。老头在一边叹息，擦泪。唐僧、悟空走到他们面前。悟空：师傅，到了。Master, here we are.唐僧（走到老头面前行礼，悟空看见了正在哭的母女俩，觉得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是从东土大唐前往西天取经的和尚，想借贵地休息一晚，不知方便否？Excuse me, sir. I am the monk from the east. Can we stay over here tonight?老头（做哽咽状）：哦，是东土大唐来的高僧啊，可以可以。（别过脸去继续哭泣）Oh, you are the monk from the east. Sure. Sure, come in, please ……唐僧正在奇怪，老妈闻声抬起头，仔细打量唐僧，突然扑到唐僧面前。老妈：高僧啊，你可要救救我的女儿，救救我们一家啊。 Master, please save my daughter, save my family…唐僧：老施主休要伤心，有什么事慢慢说。Don’t be sad, madam. Take it easy. What happened?老头：高僧有所不知，我们这里有一只猪精，今天要来跟我女儿成亲，大家都斗不过它，现在正准备把女儿送出去逃避Master, there is a spirit here. He wants to marry my daughter, tonight. We are all afraid of him. 唐僧：施主莫怕，我这徒弟本领高强，也许他能帮上你们。Calm down, sir. My apprentice has great capability. Maybe, he can help you.老头：唉，高僧啊，以前也来过自称本领高强的师傅，结果都被这猪精打跑了。今天你们就躲着别出来了吧。Alas! , master, there have been many people who boast to be very capable. But every time, they were defeated by the spirit. You’d better keep away tonight.悟空：噢，有这么厉害的妖怪？我倒要会他一会。待会你们只管躲起来，外面发生什么事，都不用管。What? Is the spirit really so strong? I’d like to see how great he is. All of you just stay inside. Don’t come out no matter what happens.这时起了风声（音乐），老头一家吓得站起来混身发抖。小媳妇吓得直往老妈怀里钻。悟空镇定地举手示意，让师傅及老头一家人躲到房间里面去。自己也手搭凉篷看了看，便不慌不忙地也躲在了门后，露出一段红袖子。猪八戒大笑着耀武扬威地走上场来，嘴里大喊：小娘子，我来了。Darling, here I am.站在台上停一下，见没有动静，觉得奇怪，往房屋里看去，见露出一段红袖子，高兴地一拍手掌。八戒：小娘子还害羞呢，不敢出来见老猪吗？来，来，来，我们就要是夫妻了，还害什么羞呀！。Darling, don’t be so shy! Please come to me. Come on, we will be a couple. 猪八戒跑上去轻轻拉住红袖子，把小娘子拖了出来，小娘子作出害羞的样子，有时又做出猴子的模样。八戒：小娘子，不用怕，我虽然长得丑，但本领高强，一定会让你过上好日子的。Darling, don’t be afraid. Although I am ugly, I am so powerful. I am sure that I can make you happy. 小娘子笑着点头，抓耳挠腮。八戒：小娘子，你高兴的时候干嘛要像猴子一样？Darling, why do you look like a monkey ?小娘子：我一高兴就觉得痒，所以就抓一抓。When I am happy, I always tickle.八戒：高兴就好，高兴就好。我们快入洞房吧。Fine, let’s go to the bedroom.八戒拉住小娘子就往房子里面钻。小娘子作出动脑筋的样子，又把八戒拉回来。八戒：哇，小娘子，你好大的力气啊，干嘛把我拉出来啊？Darling. Why are you so powerful?小娘子：夫君，你这模样进去会吓着我的父母的，还是去你家里吧。Honey, your appearance will frighten my parents. We’d better go to your home.八戒：去我家？那太好了，我们这就走吧。Go to my house？OK. that’s a great idea. Let’s go.两人走了几步，小女子做出腿疼摔了一下的样子，八戒忙扶起她，作出痛惜的样子。小女子：我一个弱女子，哪里能走这么远？夫君背我吧。I cannot walk any further. Can you carry me on your back?八戒：背你？好，好，好。谁让你是我的媳妇呢？Carry you on my back? All right. You're my wife after all. Come on.八戒把小女子背上：娘子，我们这就出发了。Darling, Let's go.小女子（在八戒头上一点）：走吧，呆子。Okay. Let’s go.音乐响起(直到八戒摔倒)。八戒在台上走一圈，做出越走越慢，越走越累的样子。小女子在他背上抓耳挠腮，非常高兴。八戒：小娘子，你怎么这么重啊？Darling, why are you so heavy? 小女子：不是我重，只怕是你不想背我吧？Do you think so? Don't you want to carry me?)八戒：不,不,不，我背，我背。Yes, I do. I do. 继续艰难地走。小女子得意地在背上笑。八戒体力不支，一跤摔倒，小女子倒地之后，灵活地越上台上的假山，先做出猴子笑看八戒的样子，再做出摔疼了的样子在那里呻吟。八戒听到女子的呻吟，忙东张西望找小媳妇。八戒：娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，你摔到哪去了？怎么看不见你了？Darling, are you OK? Darling, where are you? Why can't I see you?小女子（偷偷地笑，再装作痛苦的样子）：夫君，我在这里呢。Honey, I am here.八戒：哇，娘子, 你怎么摔到高的地方去了？Darling. Why did you go up there? 小女子：还不是你这呆子害的。That's your fault. 八戒：对不起，娘子。对不起，娘子。Sorry, darling. I’m very sorry.小女子：看你这么辛苦，我也摔疼了，那就休息休息吧。You look so tired, and I feel sore. Let’s have a rest.八戒：太好了。 我们就休息一下吧！ Have a rest? That’s a good idea. Let’s have a rest. 八戒听了高兴地坐在下面休息，小女子仔细地打量他。小女子（撒娇地）：夫君，你是哪里的神仙，我都还不知道，怎么能嫁给你呢？你可要告诉我。Honey, how can I marry you? I don’t even know where you come from. You must tell me the truth first.八戒：唉，别提了，想当年我本是天上的天篷元帅，上天入地，八面威风。只因冒犯了嫦娥，被玉帝贬下凡尘，错投了猪胎，长成这般模样。Alas! Don’t mention it. I was Tianpeng marshal, I could fly between heaven and the world. Only because I made a big mistake, I was punished by Yudi. So I became a pig. That’s why I am so ugly.小女子：亏你长得这么丑，还敢出来见人。 You look too ugly to meet people.八戒：本来我也不想出来，只是南海观音点化我，叫我在这里等候前往西天的取经人。等了这么久，也不见，便出来逛逛，能碰到娘子你，是我一生的造化，还管它什么西天取经呢？（八戒高兴地过去想拉小女子的手）I didn’t want to come here. Nanhai Guanyin asked me to wait for Tangseng. I've been waiting for a long time, but nobody has come. It’s lucky to meet you here. 小女子（把手甩开）：你说自己是天上的神仙，怎么连我都背不动，真让人难以相信。You said that you were an immortal in the heaven . Why can’t you carry me? It’s impossible!八戒：我真的是天上的神仙，你干嘛不信呢你。I am really the immortal. Why don’t you believe me?小女子：那你拿出点本事来瞧瞧。 Show me some gongfu then.八戒：好，让我露两手来给你看看。OK, let me show you my gongfu. 从石头后拿出钉钯，舞了起来。小女子暗暗点头。当八戒的钉色舞到小女子面前时，被小女子一把抓住，往石山后面一拖，八戒被拖了过去。八戒：娘子，你怎么这么大的力气？ Darling. Why are you so strong? 小女子：有本事你把我拖出去呀。Pull me out if you can .八戒做出用力拖的样子，没有发现拖出来的却是悟空。悟空一松手，八戒摔倒在地。八戒：娘子，你怎么这么狠心把我摔倒了? 不要开玩笑了。 How could you let me fall down? Don’t kid any longer. 悟空大笑：呆子，看看我是谁！ You Silly! Look at me. Who am I?八戒一看，吓得跳起来：齐天大圣，我的妈呀。 My god! You are Mahatma! 八戒转身想跑，被悟空拦住，两人打了起来，八戒不是对手，被悟空压住，不能动弹。悟空：呆子，你可还敢在这里害人不成？You silly! Dare you harm others any more?八戒：不敢了，不敢了。 No, I dare not! 悟空： 你可还敢在这里娶媳妇？Dare you wive yet?八戒：不敢了。大圣爷爷饶我。 No,no. Please forgive me, Mahatma.悟空：量你也不敢。 I bet you dare not. 悟空放开，八戒转身想跑，被悟空一把抓住耳朵，疼得直叫。悟空：呆子，想往哪里去？ You silly, where are you going? 八戒：我已答应你，不再闹事了，干嘛还不放我走？ I'll never make trouble any more. Why don't you let me go?悟空：呆子，我带你去见取经人。 You silly, I'm taking you to meet the sutra-seeker. 八戒：什么？取经人来了？What? Has Tangseng come? 悟空：走吧。Yes. Let's go! 两人在台上走半圈，来到房前。悟空：师傅，出来吧，这妖怪已经被我降服了。 Master, please come out! The spirit has been defeated ! 唐僧等人走了出来，老头一家还有些战战兢兢。悟空：呆子，还不跪下，见过师傅。 You silly, kneel down to meet your master.八戒忙对着唐僧下跪，口喊师傅。唐僧非常吃惊。Master, nice to meet you here.唐僧：徒儿，这是怎么回事？My prentice, what's up? 悟空：师傅，这是观世音菩萨特意让他在此等候陪您上西天取经的。 Master, he will accompany you to the west at Guanyin's behest.唐僧：哦，多谢观世音菩萨，既然这样我就收你为徒，赐你法名为 八戒。 I see! Thank Guanyin! Since then, I will take you as my prentice and name you Bajie. 八戒：谢谢师傅（站了起来）。 Thank you, my master! 老头：恭喜高僧又收神徒。 Congratulations! 唐僧：徒儿们，我们上路吧。（八戒还依依不舍地看着小女子） Let's go ahead, my prentices. 悟空：八戒，还看什么呢？走了。 Bajie, there is nothing to attach to. Let's go! 八戒恋恋不舍地走到前面带路。

守株待兔（英语短剧） 剧本 你可以自己调节角色~ （因为是搞笑，所以不必太拘谨。普通台词意思对即可。） [开始。树）上台安静地屹立到舞台较后方。导演（范冰）走到台前] 导演：Action！[跑下台] [农夫冷酷地上。] 农夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]A modern farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，回头生气地踢了下绊自己的石头，继续保持冷酷]When I was yong,I studied in Nan~tong Middle School[掏出胸卡骄傲地展示给观众看，收起]！So I’m rich now！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！This is my modern mobile——Motorola WC 250！This is my Swatch!This my MP3!This is my shoes——ADI~DAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry. And look at this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do U know what’s this？痒痒挠？No no no~~It’s my modern——锄头~！！[看下表]It’s time to do some farming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作，锄了两下，突然] Oh yes!I think farming should be combined with music![掏出MP3戴上，开始很有激情地边锄地边唱]Farming farming,I’m farming!Farming should be combined with music~!Farming farming,I’m farming!Farming will be funny and easy~![边唱边锄边慢慢下台，把没用的道具拿走，把有用的道具准备在口袋里] [树走上前台] 树：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，边做边唱：哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鹅]I’m tall!And I’m Strong!IF you hit me,you will 挂掉！Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台] [兔子A上] 兔子A（一开始不知道状况。以为自己扮演周杰伦，所以很热情地上场跟观众打招呼）：Hey everybody,I’m Jay!I love U!I love Nantong![展示新专辑《十一月的肖邦》]Now let me sing one of my new songs to U！The name of the song is 《发如雪》！[清清嗓子正要唱，这时候导演（范冰）上] 导演：[拿手中纸筒狠狠打了下兔子A的头]What are U doing?! Now U are a rabbit,understand?![兔子A：Sorry sorry sorry] [导演边说边夺过《十一月的肖邦》。导演下台之前，看了下《十》] What’s this?[看了看，惊喜地]Oh!It’s mine！（很兴奋地拿着下场） 兔子A：OK,now I’m a rabbit. I just had my breakfast. Now I’m just walking around here. I think walking after meals is good for my health. [在场上转圈，悠闲散步] [农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子] 农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走] [农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。] 兔子A：Wahhhh~!（吓一跳）What’s this！ 农夫：Hnnnn…！I will kill U for lunch! 兔子A：But your gun… [帮农夫把枪头调转过来（农夫一开始把枪对着自己）] 农夫：Thank you! 兔子A：My pleasure. （突然想起来农夫要杀自己） Wah~~~~~~ [兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前] 农夫：Where~ to go? Haha! [农夫开了一枪“砰”。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。 农夫又开枪，同上。 农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。] 兔子A[自我陶醉中，边跳边说]You didn’t hurt me! You didn’t hurt me！ 树：[痛苦万分地]But…U…Hurt me….[痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后] [兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看着它。 兔子猛然抬头发现] 农夫：Ah ha~! Bye bye ! [举枪对准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来] 兔子A：Ha ha ha ha! You can’t kill me now！ [兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树] Wa ！[兔子晕两下~~ “我倒！” 倒地] 农夫：OH! [很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]My lunch , I caught you !!! [想一下] But I’m still full now.Let me tie it to the tree and have a sleep.I will eat it after sleeping.[把兔子绑到树上。倒地睡到树旁边] …… 兔子A：[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，很惊讶]Where am I? What happened? 树：[指着农夫]He caught you and wanted to eat you. 兔子A：What?! I must leave here! But how can I escape？[东张西望，看到农夫的手机] [兔子不知不觉地把树杈移开，走到手机前看了看]咦？What’s this？[捡起来看]Oh,a mobile.[再看]It’s beautiful.[放回原处。 又自觉地把自己绑在树上。 突然想起来]A mobile！Maybe I can call some one to help me！ [又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手机] But how to use it？？？ 树：[走上前]Let me tell U.Look,press this button![给兔子] 兔子A：Oh I see. [做出打电话的样子] 喂？ 李咏：[上台，激情澎湃地] Hello！This is lucky fifty-two！[做出幸运52的手势]I’m Liyong！Now let’s start our first question！What’s the most probable relation between 康熙 and 雍正？ A. Husband and wife B.Teacher and student C.Waiter and costomer Answer me,please! 兔子A：（很冷漠地）Sorry， wrong number.[挂掉] 李咏：Answer me!Answer me! En..?喂？喂喂？[很郁闷地下台] 兔子A：Now let me call again.[拨打] 喂？ 兔子B：喂？ 兔子A：Hey Jackey！ 兔子B：Hey tommy! 兔子A：How are you doing? 兔子B：Fine,thank you.And U? 兔子A：I’m fine too!How are your parents doing? 兔子B：They are fine,thank you.And U? 兔子A：They are fine,too!How is your uncle doing? 兔子B：He’s fine,thank you!And U? 兔子A：He’s fine , too! 兔子B：But why do you call me? If you want borrow some money from me…NO WAY!!! 兔子A：No no no!I’m in danger now!Come and help me!!! 兔子B：But where are you? 兔子A：I’m under a tree! 兔子B：[边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个人还没发现]What can you see around you? 兔子A：I see a rabbit ,rather like you! 兔子B：A rabbit…rather like me… OK! I’ll soon come!Wait for me! I will help you! [匆匆离开] [兔子A 打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，还很有礼貌地说了句“Thank you.” 然后又很自觉地把自己绑回了树上] 兔子A：Hahaha!My friend will come and save me,yeah! [兴奋过度，后仰，头又撞倒树上，昏眩中…“我晕！” 又晕了] [兔子B上。]兔子B：I’m also rabbit！I’m clever! I’m brave ! And I’m strong! [展示肌肉] OH！My friend is here!Let me help him out! [费力地想把树枝（双臂）挪开，使了几次劲，还是不行] It’s too tight! I must think of a good way! [看到农夫扔掉的痒痒挠] Let’s see,what’s this！A 锄头！[装作打高尔夫球，试了试锄头手感]Oh,it’s nice.[走到树面前，正要砍] 树：Stop！！！What will you do? 兔子B：I will cut you down to save my friend. 树：O. [突然醒悟] What?! Cut me down?! Teachers told us that we should protect the environment! Understand?! 兔子B：Oh yes！You are right! [扔掉锄头] I have to think of another idea! [想了想] Oh!![灵感突来][看了看手表] Oh it’s time to do morning exercise ！Come on! [开始带头做早操。做着做着对树说“Follow me！” （企图让树动起来，两只手松开，这样就可以救出兔子A）树也开始跟着做起早操。 兔子B轻轻上前，想救出兔子A。但是树的广播操动作恰好都是会挡住营救的。兔子B狂汗… -_-b 广播操毕。树继续绑着兔子A] 兔子B：Why?! Maybe I need another idea. Oh!I’v got it！Music！ [音响放起泰坦尼克号主题曲高潮前奏。 兔子B抱住树，企图引导树像女主角一样张开双臂，放出兔子A。树渐渐陶醉，手缓缓松开。兔子B正要搭救同伴，突然兔子A两只手张开，成了女主角动作。树又抱住了兔子A的腰，成了男主角动作。树和A陶醉其中。B要唤醒A：“Wake up!Wake up!” 兔子A沉醉其中，完全不理它，还用脚踹走要救它的B：“Don’t disturb me！”继续陶醉。] 兔子B：（无奈ing…）Stop！！！（音乐停） （沮丧）I can’t save my friend…[掏出纸巾想要擦汗，带出10块钱，掉在地上] 树：Money！[一个箭步冲上去捡起钱，回到原位并且对着太阳验钞。] 兔子A：[看四周] I’m free!!!Oh yes,I’m free!Thank you,Jackey! [慢动作深情扑向兔子B] Jackey~~~~ [突然兔子B低头系鞋带。兔子A控制不住一下子撞在树上，晕两下说：“暴头！”死翘。] [兔子B见状冲上去，深情地搂住A：“Tommy!Tommy！”[伤心地俯下身子，紧紧抱住A] [这时睡觉中的农夫突然一个翻身，又把B压在了下面] 兔子B：I…can’t….breath……I’m dying!!!! [也翘了] 农夫：[农夫这时候醒了。擦了下口水，看见两只兔子] En..?Two rubbits! I rememer I have caught just one?! Oh,maybe I drank too much. [兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下场] 树：[还在验钞的树正在高兴，突然发现是假钞]A！It’s a fake！Wait for me！[追下去]