英语话剧15分钟

英语话剧剧本：搞笑英语话剧：三笑三国 （7个人表演）开场介绍： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor. The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor tonight.and his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei .don't forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director. 第一幕：人物，赵云 夏侯惇 曹操 蒋干旁白：就在刚才不久，一个黑大汉从曹操军中救出刘备之子刘阿斗，现在正向这里杀过来，他就是张飞！！！（赵云出场）Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming. His name is Zhangfei. 赵云：no！本人姓赵名云，乃常山子龙也！ no! my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~ （赵云从背后拿出一坨布，代表阿斗） 赵云：看！这就是主公的最后一点骨血！刘阿斗！我从火场之中把他救出，而我自己的脸却早已……唉……化作焦炭！（顾影自怜状）look! this is the last blood of the boss ! liu e dou . i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already ...ai ~. （夏侯敦挺着枪呈猫腰状杀出） 夏侯敦：小贼，莫跑，要不然我就大开杀戒了（冲到） Children， stop there or i will kill you （赵云左手抱阿斗，右手与之搏斗） 赵云：可恶！居然敢偷袭我！fuck,!! you bitch dare to attack me ?? （二人装腔作势打斗数招） 赵云：看我九阴白骨爪！！stop!! wait!!! one two three... nine dark white bone fingers!! 夏侯敦：唔！（倒地） oh my gad i'm over 赵云：此地不宜久留，还是快去寻主公！（下）yeah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~ （曹操、蒋干二人上） 曹操：没想到我们初次出兵便杀得敌人望风而逃！真可谓出师未捷身先死。长使英雄泪满襟！ I didn't expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.It reminds me of a poem, "Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Long the hero Tearful" 蒋干：丞相，您说这话，真不见得怎么吉利。 Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said; （曹操险些被地上的夏侯敦绊倒） 曹操：咦？这是谁扔的西瓜皮？（转身，看见倒在地上的夏侯敦）Huh? Who threw the banana rind? 曹操：是夏侯爱卿。难道他又在搞什么行为艺术？？Do not Xiahou Dun?Is he engaged in what is called performance art? （蒋干上前将夏侯敦一顿拍打，二人站起） 曹操：夏侯爱卿为何要在地上装西瓜皮？？Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground? 夏侯敦：有一人脸如黑炭 手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band 蒋干：是敌人的保姆！还带个孩子！！！it Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm. 曹操：那你呢？What did you do? 夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him i'mfightting fightting fightting我 我…… 我冲上去与之打斗 打 打 打 曹操：然后呢？What then? 蒋干：丞相，看来是夏侯将军杀退了敌人！ Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy 夏侯敦：唔唔！（手势如下：指指门外，右手作“九”的样子，随即作全身发冷状，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪击状） 曹操：然后呢？ Then what happened? 夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible （曹操、蒋干二人将夏侯敦拉起） 曹操：如此看来，敌人应该还没有走远。咱们乘胜追击！（慷慨状）It seems that the enemy should not go far. Let's run after them. 蒋干：有时候我真的很佩服丞相您这乐观的心理……（赞同状） Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology ...... 夏侯敦：唔！唔唔唔~！（抡起两拳，作欲与敌人搏斗状）（三人下）第二幕:人物：刘备 张飞 诸葛亮 赵云（刘备、张飞、诸葛亮三人上）旁白：这是的刘备一行人正在军营外观看敌情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.、（诸葛亮走在前面，张飞、刘备二人紧跟其后） 诸葛亮：（转头）主公啊，按理说是您走先啦！（恭敬状）old liu ah,you should walk in front of us! Is not it?刘备：不啦，军师您身后有好大块荫凉，躲在这里避避暑也不错。No，it's very cool that I stand just behind you，I can avoid summer heat 诸葛亮：（眺望状）主公，如果我所料不错，现在马上就要下雨了！liu ah,come here! I tell you a secret! I think it is about to rain! 刘备：先生神算！人所不及！不知先生如何知道将要下雨？great prediction！No one can compare with you！just wonder how do you know it's going to rain？ 诸葛亮：首先，天气预报说今天有雨；其次，（以手指前方）看天，那边有一块黑云来了！First,the weather report told us it is going to rain today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming! （赵云上） 张飞：哇！那就是子龙啊，想不到这一会不见子龙就换了个新桌面啊！Ha! That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute! （张飞迎上） 张飞：子龙！ long 赵云：翼德救我！ help!!! brother three. （张飞下） 赵云：主公！云殊死力战，方保得小主人在此！只是这许久不见啼哭，怕是已经……（悲愤状，取出布包，打开并捧着） boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss. but it have a long time to hear nothing. i am afraid... 赵云：kao！这小没良心的，居然还能睡的着！就跟他爹一样！！ oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father 刘备：咳咳！（赵云转身面向刘备） 诸葛亮：子龙，不是我说你，你嘴上就是少个把门儿的，总不能啥实话都往外说啊！？Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!（刘备怒视诸葛亮，诸葛亮恍如不知，赵云上前，将阿斗递给刘备，刘备捧着阿斗） 刘备：为了你这倒楣孩子，几乎损我一员大将啊！我还留着你赶什么啊，我摔死你吧！！because of you，I almost lose a brave general！Why do I keep you alive，let me kill you！！（阿斗摔下）（赵云上前，对准阿斗狂踹数脚，诸葛亮上前拉住，赵云始终作势欲踢，诸葛亮用身体压住赵云后，走上前去一脚将阿斗踢飞） 旁白：从今以后，阿斗的智力便出现了明显的发育迟缓……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country. 赵云：咦？怎么不见关二哥呢？ yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu? 刘备：二弟昨天为军师摆下一个八卦阵去，不过在冲出去撞马的时候闪着腰了，现在还在休养呢！：He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed. 诸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壮！告诉他，多喝三鹿奶粉！（自恋状）！Oh,It is so bad! Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder! 赵云：就给这孩子喝成这样儿了！！！（走上前，抚摸诸葛亮，做怜惜状） so you drink to be a foolish? 曹操（在台下）：啊~！！！（惨烈地）刘备：难道三弟又重操旧业了？咱们快去看看！Did zhangfei return to one's former career ？Go to see what happen?（三人下）第三幕： 人物 张飞 曹操 夏侯 蒋干 刘备 诸葛亮旁白：时间拨回到三分钟之前，张飞大战长坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside，zhangfei fight with caocao's army on changbanpo （张飞上，在台上转一圈后，如京剧拿柱般亮相，定格） 曹操和蒋干：嘿嘿嘿嘿！（奸笑中） 夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔……（奸笑中） （三人奸笑上台）代写剧本 张飞：哇！火腿肠你回来拉！！ Wa!You, The hot dog, come back ! 夏侯敦：我靠，又一个黑人，黑人都是很牛x的，我怕了。。。 black man come again ， Blacks are very powerful，i'm afaid 曹操：阁下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的声音！Excuse me. May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have! 张飞：我便是那燕（yān）人张翼德！（咬牙）I am Zhang Yide from jingdu! (clenches teeth) 曹操：阉人？？原来只是一个太监……夏侯敦，上去解决他！You are the so called coward,aren't you?xiahou,beat it! （夏侯敦低头猫腰冲出） 夏侯敦：唔！唔~唔！ （二人打在一起）（定格）蒋干：丞相，这一仗咱们必输，一会还有桥断水倒流呢！快叫夏侯将军下来吧。 Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Let's call Xiahou general to get down quickly曹操：你怎么知道？How dou you know it? 蒋干：《真三国无双叁》，长坂的任务啊！！ "Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three"!! 曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于网络游戏了。这样既浪费时间又上海身体，你还是听为丞相的一句话吧！珍爱生命，远离三俗啊！I think you are too addicted to online games. What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself. （张飞与夏侯敦二人继续，张飞一枪击中夏侯敦） 夏侯敦：oh my gad i am over again又被打败了 （蒋干上前将夏侯敦拖回） 曹操：唉，如今这世道变了，太监都这么厉害啦！？Why does that coward become so brave?张飞：曹贼听着！今日汝等必不能生过此桥！ cao ,stops talking! Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one! 曹操：汝休得猖狂！今日要不是我手下典韦身死，许诸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，张辽痔疮，才不会输给你！shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated! 张飞：你手下终究无人可用！啊，面对此景次请，我真想赋诗一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on ......On ......（音乐起）only you ~~~~~only……you…… （夏侯敦跃起） 夏侯敦：唔唔唔……（以手捂耳，跑下） 曹操：啊！（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳） 蒋干：啊！（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳） 曹操：这难道就是传说中的门得尔松的c大调《鬼叫》协奏曲！何以如此震撼！（惊惶状）Why is this so shocking!蒋干：（一手指张飞）快看！丞相！桥断了！水也开始倒流啦！！（转过身去，以手捂耳） Look, Prime minister! The bridge broke! The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩地裂之声） 曹操：aaaaaaaaaa（痛苦吐血状）（定格） （诸葛亮、刘备、赵云三人上）诸葛亮：别唱啦！再唱下去就把曹操给唱死啦！Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!刘备：三弟快打住！！（以手捂耳）Stop,stop！！（以手捂耳） 张飞：only you ~~~~~only……you……（余音不绝） 刘备：子龙，快把三弟扛回去。Zilong，carry zhangfei back quickly。 赵云：好的！ ok （赵云上前，以手捂住张飞的嘴，扛走，张飞依旧唱个不停） （张飞、赵云二人下）旁白：从此以后有一首歌传唱至今 经久不衰，叫做：only you~~~~ since then, a song becomevery very famous.The name is《Only You》.(歌声再次响起，众人谢幕~~)。

这是威尼斯商人英文话剧剧本(法庭上那段）SCENE I. Venice. A street. Enter ANTONIO, SALARINO, and SALANIO ANTONIO In sooth, I know not why I am so sad: It wearies me; you say it wearies you; But how I caught it, found it, or came by it, What stuff 'tis made of, whereof it is born, I am to learn; And such a want-wit sadness makes of me, That I have much ado to know myself. SALARINO Your mind is tossing on the ocean; There, where your argosies with portly sail, Like signiors and rich burghers on the flood, Or, as it were, the pageants of the sea, Do overpeer the petty traffickers, That curtsy to them, do them reverence, As they fly by them with their woven wings. SALANIO Believe me, sir, had I such venture forth, The better part of my affections would Be with my hopes abroad. I should be still Plucking the grass, to know where sits the wind, Peering in maps for ports and piers and roads; And every object that might make me fear Misfortune to my ventures, out of doubt Would make me sad. SALARINO My wind cooling my broth Would blow me to an ague, when I thought What harm a wind too great at sea might do. I should not see the sandy hour-glass run, But I should think of shallows and of flats, And see my wealthy Andrew dock'd in sand, Vailing her high-top lower than her ribs To kiss her burial. Should I go to church And see the holy edifice of stone, And not bethink me straight of dangerous rocks, Which touching but my gentle vessel's side, Would scatter all her spices on the stream, Enrobe the roaring waters with my silks, And, in a word, but even now worth this, And now worth nothing? Shall I have the thought To think on this, and shall I lack the thought That such a thing bechanced would make me sad? But tell not me; I know, Antonio Is sad to think upon his merchandise. ANTONIO Believe me, no: I thank my fortune for it, My ventures are not in one bottom trusted, Nor to one place; nor is my whole estate Upon the fortune of this present year: Therefore my merchandise makes me not sad. SALARINO Why, then you are in love. ANTONIO Fie, fie! SALARINO Not in love neither? Then let us say you are sad, Because you are not merry: and 'twere as easy For you to laugh and leap and say you are merry, Because you are not sad. Now, by two-headed Janus, Nature hath framed strange fellows in her time: Some that will evermore peep through their eyes And laugh like parrots at a bag-piper, And other of such vinegar aspect That they'll not show their teeth in way of smile, Though Nestor swear the jest be laughable. Enter BASSANIO, LORENZO, and GRATIANO SALANIO Here comes Bassanio, your most noble kinsman, Gratiano and Lorenzo. Fare ye well: We leave you now with better company. SALARINO I would have stay'd till I had made you merry, If worthier friends had not prevented me. ANTONIO Your worth is very dear in my regard. I take it, your own business calls on you And you embrace the occasion to depart. SALARINO Good morrow, my good lords. BASSANIO Good signiors both, when shall we laugh? say, when? You grow exceeding strange: must it be so? SALARINO We'll make our leisures to attend on yours. Exeunt Salarino and Salanio LORENZO My Lord Bassanio, since you have found Antonio, We two will leave you: but at dinner-time, I pray you, have in mind where we must meet. BASSANIO I will not fail you. GRATIANO You look not well, Signior Antonio; You have too much respect upon the world: They lose it that do buy it with much care: Believe me, you are marvellously changed. ANTONIO I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano; A stage where every man must play a part, And mine a sad one. GRATIANO Let me play the fool: With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come, And let my liver rather heat with wine Than my heart cool with mortifying groans. Why should a man, whose blood is warm within, Sit like his grandsire cut in alabaster? Sleep when he wakes and creep into the jaundice By being peevish? I tell thee what, Antonio-- I love thee, and it is my love that speaks-- There are a sort of men whose visages Do cream and mantle like a standing pond, And do a wilful stillness entertain, With purpose to be dress'd in an opinion Of wisdom, gravity, profound conceit, As who should say 'I am Sir Oracle, And when I ope my lips let no dog bark!' O my Antonio, I do know of these That therefore only are reputed wise For saying nothing; when, I am very sure, If they should speak, would almost damn those ears, Which, hearing them, would call their brothers fools. I'll tell thee more of this another time: But fish not, with this melancholy bait, For this fool gudgeon, this opinion. Come, good Lorenzo. Fare ye well awhile: I'll end my exhortation after dinner. LORENZO Well, we will leave you then till dinner-time: I must be one of these same dumb wise men, For Gratiano never lets me speak. GRATIANO Well, keep me company but two years moe, Thou shalt not know the sound of thine own tongue. ANTONIO Farewell: I'll grow a talker for this gear. GRATIANO Thanks, i' faith, for silence is only commendable In a neat's tongue dried and a maid not vendible. Exeunt GRATIANO and LORENZO ANTONIO Is that any thing now? BASSANIO Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in all Venice. His reasons are as two grains of wheat hid in two bushels of chaff: you shall seek all day ere you find them, and when you have them, they are not worth the search. ANTONIO Well, tell me now what lady is the same To whom you swore a secret pilgrimage, That you to-day promised to tell me of? BASSANIO 'Tis not unknown to you, Antonio, How much I have disabled mine estate, By something showing a more swelling port Than my faint means would grant continuance: Nor do I now make moan to be abridged From such a noble rate; but my chief care Is to come fairly off from the great debts Wherein my time something too prodigal Hath left me gaged. To you, Antonio, I owe the most, in money and in love, And from your love I have a warranty To unburden all my plots and purposes How to get clear of all the debts I owe. ANTONIO I pray you, good Bassanio, let me know it; And if it stand, as you yourself still do, Within the eye of honour, be assured, My purse, my person, my extremest means, Lie all unlock'd to your occasions. BASSANIO In my school-days, when I had lost one shaft, I shot his fellow of the self-same flight The self-same way with more advised watch, To find the other forth, and by adventuring both I oft found both: I urge this childhood proof, Because what follows is pure innocence. I owe you much, and, like a wilful youth, That which I owe is lost; but if you please To shoot another arrow that self way Which you did shoot the first, I do not doubt, As I will watch the aim, or to find both Or bring your latter hazard back again And thankfully rest debtor for the first. ANTONIO You know me well, and herein spend but time To wind about my love with circumstance; And out of doubt you do me now more wrong In making question of my uttermost Than if you had made waste of all I have: Then do but say to me what I should do That in your knowledge may by me be done, And I am prest unto it: therefore, speak. BASSANIO In Belmont is a lady richly left; And she is fair, and, fairer than that word, Of wondrous virtues: sometimes from her eyes I did receive fair speechless messages: Her name is Portia, nothing undervalued To Cato's daughter, Brutus' Portia: Nor is the wide world ignorant of her worth, For the four winds blow in from every coast Renowned suitors, and her sunny locks Hang on her temples like a golden fleece; Which makes her seat of Belmont Colchos' strand, And many Jasons come in quest of her. O my Antonio, had I but the means To hold a rival place with one of them, I have a mind presages me such thrift, That I should questionless be fortunate! ANTONIO Thou know'st that all my fortunes are at sea; Neither have I money nor commodity To raise a present sum: therefore go forth; Try what my credit can in Venice do: That shall be rack'd, even to the uttermost, To furnish thee to Belmont, to fair Portia. Go, presently inquire, and so will I, Where money is, and I no question make To have it of my trust or for my sake. Exeunt SCENE II: Belmont. A room in PORTIA'S house. Enter PORTIA and NERISSA PORTIA By my troth, Nerissa, my little body is aweary of this great world. NERISSA You would be, sweet madam, if your miseries were in the same abundance as your good fortunes are: and yet, for aught I see, they are as sick that surfeit with too much as they that starve with nothing. It is no mean happiness therefore, to be seated in the mean: superfluity comes sooner by white hairs, but competency lives longer. PORTIA Good sentences and well pronounced. NERISSA They would be better, if well followed. PORTIA If to do were as easy as to know what were good to do, chapels had been churches and poor men's cottages princes' palaces. It is a good divine that follows his own instructions: I can easier teach twenty what were good to be done, than be one of the twenty to follow mine own teaching. The brain may devise laws for the blood, but a hot temper leaps o'er a cold decree: such a hare is madness the youth, to skip o'er the meshes of good counsel the cripple. But this reasoning is not in the fashion to choose me a husband. O me, the word 'choose!' I may neither choose whom I would nor refuse whom I dislike; so is the will of a living daughter curbed by the will of a dead father. Is it not hard, Nerissa, that I cannot choose one nor refuse none? NERISSA Your father was ever virtuous; and holy men at their death have good inspirations: therefore the lottery, that he hath devised in these three chests of gold, silver and lead, whereof who chooses his meaning chooses you, will, no doubt, never be chosen by any rightly but one who shall rightly love. But what warmth is there in your affection towards any of these princely suitors that are already come? PORTIA I pray thee, over-name them; and as thou namest them, I will describe them; and, according to my description, level at my affection. NERISSA First, there is the Neapolitan prince. PORTIA Ay, that's a colt indeed, for he doth nothing but talk of his horse; and he makes it a great appropriation to his own good parts, that he can shoe him himself. I am much afeard my lady his mother played false with a smith. NERISSA Then there is the County Palatine. PORTIA He doth nothing but frown, as who should say 'If you will not have me, choose:' he hears merry tales and smiles not: I fear he will prove the weeping philosopher when he grows old, being so full of unmannerly sadness in his youth. I had rather be married to a death's-head with a bone in his mouth than to either of these. God defend me from these two! NERISSA How say you by the French lord, Monsieur Le Bon? PORTIA God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man. In truth, I know it is a sin to be a mocker: but, he! why, he hath a horse better than the Neapolitan's, a better bad habit of frowning than the Count Palatine; he is every man in no man; if a throstle sing, he falls straight a capering: he will fence with his own shadow: if I should marry him, I should marry twenty husbands. If he would despise me I would forgive him, for if he love me to madness, I shall never requite him. NERISSA What say you, then, to Falconbridge, the young baron of England? PORTIA You know I say nothing to him, for he understands not me, nor I him: he hath neither Latin, French, nor Italian, and you will come into the court and swear that I have a poor pennyworth in the English. He is a proper man's picture, but, alas, who can converse with a dumb-show? How oddly he is suited! I think he bought his doublet in Italy, his round hose in France, his bonnet in Germany and his behavior every where. NERISSA What think you of the Scottish lord, his neighbour? PORTIA That he hath a neighbourly charity in him, for he borrowed a box of the ear of the Englishman and swore he would pay him again when he was able: I think the Frenchman became his surety and sealed under for another. NERISSA How like you the young German, the Duke of Saxony's nephew? PORTIA Very vilely in the morning, when he is sober, and most vilely in the afternoon, when he is drunk: when he is best, he is a little worse than a man, and when he is worst, he is little better than a beast: and the worst fall that ever fell, I hope I shall make shift to go without him. NERISSA If he should offer to choose, and choose the right casket, you should refuse to perform your father's will, if you should refuse to accept him. PORTIA Therefore, for fear of the worst, I pray thee, set a deep glass of rhenish wine on the contrary casket, for if the devil be within and that temptation without, I know he will choose it. I will do any thing, Nerissa, ere I'll be married to a sponge. NERISSA You need not fear, lady, the having any of these lords: they have acquainted me with their determinations; which is, indeed, to return to their home and to trouble you with no more suit, unless you may be won by some other sort than your father's imposition depending on the caskets. PORTIA If I live to be as old as Sibylla, I will die as chaste as Diana, unless I be obtained by the manner of my father's will. I am glad this parcel of wooers are so reasonable, for there is not one among them but I dote on his very absence, and I pray God grant them a fair departure. NERISSA Do you not remember, lady, in your father's time, a Venetian, a scholar and a soldier, that came hither in company of the Marquis of Montferrat? PORTIA Yes, yes, it was Bassanio; as I think, he was so called. NERISSA True, madam: he, of all the men that ever my foolish eyes looked upon, was the best deserving a fair lady. PORTIA I remember him well, and I remember him worthy of thy praise. Enter a Serving-man How now! what news? Servant The four strangers seek for you, madam, to take their leave: and there is a forerunner come from a fifth, the Prince of Morocco, who brings word the prince his master will be here to-night. PORTIA If I could bid the fifth welcome with so good a heart as I can bid the other four farewell, I should be glad of his approach: if he have the condition of a saint and the complexion of a devil, I had rather he should shrive me than wive me. Come, Nerissa. Sirrah, go before. Whiles we shut the gates upon one wooer, another knocks at the door. Exeunt