小皮球佳佳
笑话,顾名思义,是一种通过幽默的文字或图示来达到令人会心一笑或捧腹大笑效果的文学形式。我精心收集了最简短的英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
嫩的稀奇!
Like most colleges，the food at St. Mary's College of Maryland scores low marks for both quality and variety.One exception is our annual steak-and-shrimp
night;but even this cari t escape the critics.
像很多大学一样，玛丽兰的圣·玛丽学院的伙食无论从花样上，还是从质量上评分都作低。咋一的例外是我们每年的牛排大虾之夜。但，即使是这天的食品，也很难逃脱评论
家的评论。我听到一个学生说:“这块牛排应烧得再嫩一点儿。”
"This steak could be a little more rare ," I overheard a fellow student say.
她的同伴说:“小声点儿，一年一次就够稀奇的了。(注:英语中，嫩和稀奇都是rare。)
"Pipe down,"whispered her companion. "Once a year is rare enough !”
经验
The manager of a fast-food franchise was approached by a teenager looking for a job. "Have you had any experience with fast food?"the manager asked.
一位少年来封一家快餐馆找工作，经理问他:“你有在快餐店工作的经脸吗7"
The young man paused for a moment.“Well，“he replied，”I've eaten a lot of it.”
年轻人想了想说:“这么说吧，我吃过很多次快餐。”
买书，但不用!
" This is the book recommended this quarter,”announced my political science professor on the first day of class. "However，we won't use it much, because my primary purpose is to teach you to think.”
“这段时间，我推荐你们用这本书。”政治经济学教授在我们的第一堂课上说。“可是，我们这本书用得不多。因为，我的主要目的是想教你们怎样思维。”
Angered that my hard-earned money had been wasted,I raised my hand，”You mean I just spent$22. 50 on a book I won't need?"
听到这儿我感到很气愤。难道我辛苦挣来的钱就这么浪费掉了吗?于是，我举手问:“您是说，我刚花了22. 5美元买了本我们不用的书?”
" Good，"replied the professor with a smile."Your re starting to think already."
“很好!"教授笑着说:“你已经开始思考了。”
18302209800L
I am the Driver The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard. "It's too crowded," they shouted. "What do you think you are?" "I'm the driver," he said. 我是司机 一辆公共汽车已经相当拥挤，还有一个人想挤进来，乘客不让他上去。 “太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁？” “我是司机。”他回答说。I'll See to the RestA guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage."Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!""Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back."You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."其余的事由我负责一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”Sleeping PillsBob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.""That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"安眠药鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
韵味八足
英语幽默笑话如下：1.Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。2.Big handsTeacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?tudent: Big hands.大手老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？学生：大手。3.Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿？汤米：四块。老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢？汤米：汉堡。4.On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。5.Correct Teacher: Jimmy, what are the three words which pupils use most often at school? Jimmy: I don’t know... Teacher: Correct.很对教师：吉米，学生在学校里经常用的三个字是什么？吉米：不知道……老师：很对。
福气少女毛毛酱
简短的英语笑话（精选12篇）
英语笑话作为一种城市化的民间口头创作体裁，是一种重要的交际手段。下面是我为大家收集的简短的英语笑话（精选12篇），希望对大家有帮助！
These Are My Jeans!
After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.
“Look，look.” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”
Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”
那是我的裤子!
一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”
The mean mans party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客。
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
All I do is pay.
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"
"Im the people. All I do is pay."
我要做的一切就是付钱。
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的'，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."
一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能首先回答我的问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”
the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "its me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."
第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板被涂得乱七八糟，他非常生气的问：“谁涂的？请站起来！”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见！”
before the final examination, tom told his mother, "mom, i had a dream last night that id passed todays exam."
在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”
"dont trust dreams, dear. it is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." mother replied.
“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。
"then i do hope ill fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," tom said.
“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。
Saving lives.
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
The mourners pain.
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”
Black eyes.
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
Why should I give you money.
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didnt donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and its not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sisters husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"Im terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if Im not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate.
The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。
客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
One day, the father lets eight-year-old son send a letter. The son took the letter. The father then remembered he didnt write address and addressees name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter into the mail box?"
"Certainly."
"You didnt notice that?the envelope does not have address and addressees name on it?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why?didnt you take it back?"
"I thought that you?did not write address and addressee, because you wouldnt let me know to whom you send the letter!"
The New Teacher.
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
美人儿不哭
1.Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。2.Big handsTeacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?tudent: Big hands.大手老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？学生：大手。3.Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿？汤米：四块。老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢？汤米：汉堡。4.On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were
