与英语有关的小品

有两个，第二个可能有点长。一：羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）Characters: Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s. Act I (in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s) Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine. Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, ) Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax! Dabao: (change faces) Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi. Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X! Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you? Taxi----! Taxi----! Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor? Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet. Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours. Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.) How do you know it? Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours. Dabao: It’s a big bug! Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan! Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok? Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones. Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter. 7Yuan, my lovely beauty. Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ? Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt. (Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left) Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place. Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go! Act II Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you. Let’s enjoy it! (In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS") Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine. Xiaofu: Hi, Dabao: Hi. Two: What a familiar face. Two: It’s you! Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan. How is your business? Dabao: Everything is OK! 10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before. Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me. Xiaofu: Great! Have you…… Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single. Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month? Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month. Xioafu: Your receipt, please. Dabao: (shows the receipt ) Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer. Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are. Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country. Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing! Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more. Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century! Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era! X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye. D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you? Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband? Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok? Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves) Dabao, See you tomorrow. Dabao: Hope to see you everyday. 二： People: small people living with HIV, Xiao Wu, Xiao ling, the teacher: classrooms: Xiao Ling sleep lying on the table. Xiaoai next to lost books, went out. Xiao Wu Jin, sat on the location of small people living with HIV. Xiaoai (come in): well, young man, is puzzling, isn't it funny, can't you see, that I have! Xiao Wu: be conscientious and meticulous, maoshimao, actually I older than you! Xiaoai: I early in the morning came, at first glance didn't see you? Xiao Wu: I saw last night. Xiaoai: last row is my patent! To it, I got out of bed early every day, Rob broken head, blood of DC, this position cannot be lost! Xiao Wu: the last row is my pride, treasured place here is very. As I drove from the (xiaoai:--keep trying? ) Advised the sooner you leave it at that! Xiao Ling woke up: noisy noisy noisy? Early morning so Holy quarrel in the classroom, a waste of life! Do you know you've made some errors? Ah? Xiaoai: Yes. Xiao Wu: we are not noisy. Xiao Ling: you most unforgivable--woke me up! Xiaoai sitting in front of Ling. Xiaoai: last, also is developing style. Dude, examination according to my point! Xiao Wu: Ah? Test today? Xiao Ling: not? My hands are numb! Xiaoai: Oh? Xiao Wu: sleeps, right? Ling: no! Little tired! Xiaoai: Hey, think I have a night light to toss wet rendering most of the night! Xiao Wu: uh, strenuous learning? Xiao Ling: you hit the grass? Xiaoai: Yeah, I'm thinking about examination policy! Xiao Wu, Xiao Ling get past: think of what? Small AI laughing: tell you that this trick must have! Xiao Wu, Siu-ling: come on! Xiaoai: according to the book copy--(pick up) Xiao Ling: die! Xiao Wu: it's a good idea! I did not expect it? Xiao Ling: come on. You also known as silver bullets? Well, in order to ease the tense atmosphere, debut humorous puzzles that I gave you. Xiaoai, Xiao Wu secretarial 114 copyright all to ignore her. Xiao Ling: say, exam answers a few steps? Xiaoai, Xiao Wu get past: a few steps? Xiao Ling: a three-step! The first step: write their names. (Two nods) the second step: go over the topic! (Two nods) step three:--hand rolls!The little moxa: draw oh!Small five: who ah?Linda: I'll give you a problem; say, today's exam, who is not here?The little moxa: exam today who can not come? Xiaoling?Xiao Ling: I'm not in it!Elwin: have a look around, small five?Small five: here!The little moxa: ah! I know -- i!Wu: you are white! Come with no is not a result!Xiaoling: answer, the teacher! Hasn't come in yet!The teacher came in.Three people jump: is it? How to say not to come? Oh dear. (loud)Teacher: what? The toad came in?Three people laugh.Teacher: hard! This exam! A little occupation ethics are not! What is most important in this year? -- fraction! Points, your life! (GRIN) exam, our magic!The little moxa: copy copy, our unique skill!Teacher: quick roll! The exam will not come early, it all the time! Exam began half an hour! Where did you go?Hair volume.Teacher: the examination time for two hours! Not more than a hour forbid you! Want to answer please pick up the pen, do not want to answer please rest. Want to go to the toilet classmates -- please constraint yourself!G: I have a good teacher ratio,He is looking for the cat -- mouse when the escort unreasonable demands!Xiaoling! He is the legendary rapper, or mouth can mutter said not finished?Teacher: quiet! You are quiet than tree! Don't know how you made a serious mistake? Weight than the sea!Three people open the copy.Teacher: (a little) the students please don't copy!Xiao Wu, Xiao Ling: I didn't copy!The teacher walked into the little moxa: classmate, don't copy!The little moxa: how do you know? I put on the desk copy!Teacher: your table in front of the plate away, I saw!The little moxa: (looking) oh! Tough luck!The teacher confiscated the little moxa roll, Ai Gang want to stand up and walk.Teacher: sit down! No less than an hour out!The teacher walked to the next small Wu, small Wu roll of paper to table to copy.Teacher: Okay, don't pretend!Most despise you take these books of cheating, a are not technical content.Did you copy? Like this? Like this?Small five: low and then low!Teacher: (to confiscate the small roll) you will sit self-reflection, why take a Book cheat?Wu: don't want to take the book! Who let I didn't like her (Ling) as a good grass!The small Ling stared at wu.Teacher: that's right, next time remember to grass! I love this hard-working child.Teacher: a point! Hand in.> good roll.Teacher: good. Remember the afternoon to consider the high number of! (next)The little moxa: ah! Also in the afternoon high?Xiaoling: ah!! In the afternoon the high number of! (pick up grass) just what?Small five: high...... Number?! What is that tree?Three people: a study of how to play under the grass!The teacher came in (the teacher plays the one dress).The little moxa: LanguageThe teacher!Teacher: what, how do you write a composition! (rolls to the little moxa)G: what?Teacher: you read.The little moxa: "my teacher", my teacher has an oval face......Teacher: wait, (took out a big sign, write claw) is this your face melon? You write is my teacher has a paw face!Elwin: teacher, paws face and face, can't do it?Teacher: you read.The little moxa: my teacher looks really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful......Teacher: stop! You write so many really beautiful? It has come to the end!Elwin: teacher, writing is not a requirement of not less than 500 words?Teacher: you only Portrait beautiful?The little moxa: not required to write one's real feelings? This is all my emotions!Teacher: hum, tell you, you are only 496 words!The little moxa: oh! Then added: really beautiful ah!Teacher: you have a look your translations, touch the Huai died you how to translate?The little moxa: find old locust tree hanged herself!Teacher: why is the old tree? You see you explain words, explain the death, you should write to die!G: Oh, I wanted to write!Teacher: (face) you, you hang up again!The little moxa: give me a chance! I have repaired five times!Teacher: OK, I'll give you a chance. Heard of blister Ding cattle, do a job with skill and ease? You do a job with skill and ease to make a sentence, I will give you the!Elwin: -- -- -- fish swim blade?! Fish...... The fish, the fish swim in the water, the fish swims......Teacher: (laughing) congratulations, get --The little moxa: too?Teacher: (cold) rebuilt sixth times opportunity. (next)Xiao Ling, Xiao Wu: Oh, come on high grass.The teacher came in.Small five: Philosophy teacher!Teacher: Xiao wu!Small five!Teacher: you have a look of rolls of paper!My question is: that is the question, please answer.How do you answer?Small five: This is the answer, please give points...... No.?Teacher: you call this problem?Teacher: you -- well, the next,Questions: what is courage, why didn't you answer?Wu: my answer!Teacher: write five words!Small five: (reading) this is the courage! You 're right. And then I didn't answer the following question paper, I put it the courage to explain!Teacher: you -- you hanging!Small five: the teacher! Give me a chance! I hung up the fifteen!Teacher: let me ask you two questions. See you good luck......Small five: two -- too much!Teacher: Well, the first question to answer! Second questions you don't answer I will let you live, how much hair do you have?Small five: if I were a good.Teacher: ah!Small five: 123456789!Teacher: how do you know?Small five: the teacher, second questions I can't answer!Teacher: good! Very nice. Nicely done. Take (handed a piece of paper)Small five: This is --Teacher: restoration of single! (next)Xiaoling, Elwin: come on high --The teacher came in.Xiaoling: English teacher! (to run)Teacher: Xiao Ling, run what? Did not eat breakfast!Xiaoling: don't eat --Teacher: I saw your morning meal!Xiaoling: -- tomorrow's breakfast!Teacher: Xiao Ling, have a look the rolls of paper, you that reading comprehension is no one to! You is it right? Don't read directly see the problem?Xiaoling: not!Teacher: also dare excuses!Xiao Ling: I did not see even the subject, direct look at the answer selected!Teacher: and your composition! How familiar?Xiaoling: can't look familiar? Reading the first sentence of each paragraph the words together......Teacher: Xiao Ling, you should know! You this --Xiaoling: ah! The teacher, I have five, fifteen, no, fifty times! Don't hang up!Teacher: it's not that I don't give you...... This...... For example, you can translate the eveningdre is what mean?(to the audience) is the evening dress!Xiao Ling looking at g, wu.The little moxa: evening is the night, the most suitable for the big game!Small five: dre is mm total clamoring to buy clothes!Xiaoling: oh! Teacher, I know! It is nocturnal clothing!The teacher shook his head. (next)Xiaoling: No, I have to find a teacher to! The two of you study it slowly! (next)G: Well, the grass play may not be useful, I also go.Small five: how do? Hand in a blank examination paper?Elwin: of course not draw back, I went to one of the most difficult question now, then write in the volume of paper, themselves out your answer! (next)Small five: personality. (just wanna go)The teacher came in.Small five: the teacher in charge!Teacher: Xiao Wu, I talk to you.Small five: ah!Teacher: test last time this question asked: this response is what principle? What's your answer?Small five: -- physical principle.Teacher: so the answer?Small five: don't...... Is the chemical principle?Teacher: Xiao Wu! You're so it can do? Why don't love learning?Small five: -- don't like my major!Teacher: ring? You know that ring is stem what?Small five: sanitation workers.Teacher: environmental engineering!Wu: Oh? Then I graduated to do?Teacher. Environmental sanitation worker.Small five: heard that the sewage treatment.Teacher: (excited) who said that the sewage treatment? -- also air pollution!Small five: how to control the atmosphere?Teacher: I don't understand this! I teach water pollution treatment!Small five: or wastewater treatment.Teacher: your mother see your summer results?Small five: see. Secretarial copyright 114Teacher: really? You send?Small five: of course I send!Teacher: what your mother told you?Small five: my mom said to send what idle school transcript?Teacher. You go.Small five: can't go.Teacher: why?Wu: no curtain call!Four with the curtain call.（谢幕）

搞笑英语微电影剧本《Whose treat》（英语5人搞笑微电影剧本）演员：A—— ，B—— ，C—— ，D—— ，旁白—— 编剧： 摄影： 后期制作： 插曲：场景一《铃儿响叮当》场景二《雪绒花》场景三《泰坦尼克号主题曲》场景四《flash》场景五《never say goodbye》或者《字母歌》道具：一份报纸（最好是英文的），三份试卷（白纸即可），100元，64元找零，布娃娃（场景一：未定空地____5个人都到， 拍摄）旁白：One day ，some yang people want to get takeout as their dinner 一天，几个年轻人想叫外卖吃（直接录旁白，念完时候镜头落在四个人身上）A: let’s get takeout ,please?（旁白念完直接开始）B:why not? I like it .（开心，满足）C:It's up to you .(看着A）D:OK,but i have a good idea……(手托下巴，卖关子）A：go on ，please（请求语气）D：we always ”going Dutch “,.it‘s time to enjoy someone’s treat……我们总是AA制，这次找个人请客吧（扫一眼大家，继续卖关子）C: but how should we drag the unfortunate? talk to us,please(请求）D：(笑）OK，OK…….Each of us tell a joke, if not making others laugh, just pay ！我们每人讲一个笑话，如果不能把其他人逗笑，就买单哦。（得意）A,B,C:good idea!(大家拍手，异口同声）A：Let me tell a joke first .the title is” I'm Glad “.A school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. 我先讲吧，题目是“我很高兴”。一个老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。现在，她说（切到场景二，到一个教室，或有椅子的地方，把笑话表演出来，， 拍）旁白：Now, she said现在，她说赵雪：children ，has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？王鹏：teacher, I've made someone glad yesterday.昨天我就使别人高兴过。赵雪：Well done. Who was that?做得好，是谁呢？王鹏：My granny.我奶奶。赵雪：Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.好孩子，现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。王鹏：Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I'm going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I'm glad’！是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！’（切回场景一，BCD哈哈大笑A见状很开心，）A：oh, i got it !我做到了（很开心）B：yeah，yeah, maybe you just tell your own story .(指着A说完捂嘴笑）A: I……（要解释，被B拦下）B：OK，now ,It's my turn .”a gentle reminder”is the title.Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. 婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。(切换场景三，移至餐厅或有椅子的地方， 拍摄，）B：On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, 在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：（录旁白形式）双："Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？” B：Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said,他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：田："So, you want to switch seats?"“因此，你想交换座位吗？”（切回场景一，ACD哈哈大笑中，）B：so, i got it,(对C）maybe you will like the man in the future (笑）it‘s your turnC: oh,no ,he is stupid (不屑）,my title is “girl,oh little girl”题目是“让人无奈的孩子”When they're together, my five-year-old daughter and her cousin tend to cause mayhem. (['meɪhem] )one Saturday, I put my foot down.我五岁的女儿和她的表妹在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。一个星期六，我开始抗议了。（切至场景四，某空地， 拍摄）： "All right, you two,"No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."“好啦，你们两个，”我严厉地说，“不许叫喊，不许乱拿，不许哭闹，不许乱敲，不许取笑，不许扯淡，不许弄坏玩具，不许乱抓，不许打架。” （转身要走），双：“come on ,MengMeng, let's get dirty . "“来， ，我们来把自己弄脏吧。”（切回场景一，ABD哈哈笑）B：OK,we three all did it ,now,(对D）only you leftD:i’m very afraid now,maybe I’ll fail it . Let me try .it’s “A dollar per point”一分一块钱A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.一天，教授正在给学生们监考。 （切场景五，至 教室， 拍摄）D(旁白形式）：He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。（ 轩演教授， 坐中间， 演学生，考试时， 左顾右盼很着急，交卷子时， 左看看右看看掏出100元夹在卷子里并且写了一句话A dollar per point.）Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. "考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”The next class the professor handed the tests back out. And walk up to the student ，said，第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。走到那个 旁，田：”here are your test and $64 change“这是你的试卷还有64块钱的找零。（邱大囧）（切回场景一，ABC死憋住不笑，各种憋）D:well,my treat(很无奈）OK，you win……i’ll buy it right now(走开）（ABC终于放声大笑，落幕）原网址

全英文的！：：甲:亲爱的观众朋友们，大家晚上好！（鞠躬） 乙：Good evening everyone ,Dear my friends。 甲：你说什么？ 乙：我说英语啊！ 甲：英语？英国老鼠？好家伙，来一中半个学期，成了洋鬼子了。 乙：这不是洋鬼子。这是世界普通话嘛——English.你懂吗？ 甲：哦，世界普通话。我也会说。世界不懂话嘛。我说给你听。 乙：你说说给我听！ 甲：…… 乙：这是什么东东呀？ 甲：哈，听不懂就对了。这就是你说的世界不懂话。说了谁也听不懂的话。 乙：咳，你这个人，什么年代了，还这么落后，我说的可是正宗英语，现在 已经成了世界通用的语言了，所以 叫世界普通话。就象中国普通话一样普及。 甲：是嘛。你这么说，我倒要见识见识了。 乙：你想学英语？ 甲：废话。不学不就象你说的，落后了嘛？ 乙；对，你真聪明！ 甲：你可以教我嘛？ 乙；好啊！ 甲：太谢谢你了，那，比如，见了面用英语怎么打招呼呀？ 乙：这很容易，招手：Hello…… 甲：哦，（学）二楼！这真的容易。见了面，上二楼，叫我吃饭啊！ 乙：不是二楼！是Hello。 甲：哦，不是二楼，是下楼？让我下楼，又不让我吃饭了？咳…… 乙：你这人真是的，你饿晕了吗？总吃什么饭啊，什么二楼，下楼。还下流呢！看来你真不是学英语的料。不教你了， 甲：哎！不要生气啊，你就再教教我嘛。 乙：好吧！谁叫我是个大好人呢？ 甲：那么，你叫什么名字，怎么说？ 乙：我叫韦东。 甲：不是，我是问你，英语“你叫什么名字”怎么说。 乙：哦，你听啊，What's your name? 甲：（壮话）闻是用name（重复），哦，英语真了不起！ 乙：怎么了？ 甲：我们是壮族的啊！你听啊，英语也和我们壮话一样，教育我们，人家放屁了，千万不要在后面跟着，好好（讲壮话）跟了放屁的人，不是好臭嘛，是吧！ 乙：这怎么是壮话呢？还跟什么放屁连在一起，乱七八糟的。 甲：（傻笑）呵呵。 乙：我可告诉你，你还想不想学英语？ 甲：（赶忙）想学，想学。不就和我们壮话一样嘛。 乙：听了啊，是，就是yes。 甲：咽死！咽死！这多么不吉利啊！ 乙：你说什么？ 甲：咽死，咽死，不说什么！ 乙：好，不呢，英语就是no。 甲：哦，不，英语是这个，脑！ 乙：不是脑袋，是NO。 甲：不就是脑——嘛！ 乙：对 甲：“教室”，用英语怎么说？ 乙：教室是“Class room。” 甲：格拉格rem，格拉格rem,你们的教室是在木楼上面嘛？ 乙：没有啊！ 甲：那你们教室也够吵的啦！ 乙：为什么？ 甲：格拉格rem 格拉格rem 不是同学们在教室里又唱又跳让地板（格拉格rem 格拉格rem） 乙：哇！你这人，想象力还挺丰富的。 甲：是嘛！这样，记英语单词也就快了嘛！ 乙：真有你的！ 甲：让你这么一教，我很快就学会了英语啦。 乙：好啊？那你就把刚才我教给你的英语给我说一遍。 甲：好，听着啊——（说不出来） 乙：快说呀！ 甲：你急什么急呀！我不正准备呢嘛？（又说不出来） 乙：看见了吧？说不出来了！我说你不好好学，怎么说好英语呢？ 甲：谁说我学不好英语啦？听啊，见了面说二楼，然后说我what's your name?如果name了我。那你就会咽死，因为上面“格拉格rem，格拉格rem” 乙：都什么乱七八糟的。

of any elephant. I had almost made up my mind that the