许小丹丹丹
散文海上日出英译赏析
为了看日出，我常常早起。那时天还没有大亮，周围非常清静，船上只有机器的响声。下面是我分享的英译散文《海上日出》赏析，欢迎大家阅读!
海上日出
Sunrise at Sea
巴金
Ba Jin
为了看日出，我常常早起。那时天还没有大亮，周围非常清静，船上只有机器的响声。
I would often get up early to watch the sunrise when it was not yet quite light and all was quiet except for the droning of the ship engine.
要点：
本段重点在于合译，译者增用 了when, and, except for几个连接词 ，把汉语表达的意思串联了起来,表达的逻辑之美由此而生 。
天空还是一片浅蓝，颜色很浅。转眼间天边出现了一道红霞，慢慢地在扩大它的范围，加强它的亮光。我知道太阳要从天边升起来了，便不转眼地望着那里。
The sky was pale with a bluish hue. Soon a streak of pink dawn broke over the horizon，expanding gradually and becoming brighter and brighter. Knowing that the sun was about to rise, I had my eyes fixed on the distant edge of the sea.
要点：
1，“还没有大亮”=be not quite light，在《看月》中，有个“没有‘断黑’”= is not yet quite dark，“大亮”“断黑”都是程度副词+形容词的结构，通常用quiet+adj结构
2，“机器的响声”译为the droning of the ship engine.。“机器”这里指轮船上的steam engine,即蒸汽发动机，不宜译为macine.另外“响声”译为droning,表示机器的单调低沉的嗡嗡响声，较单纯的sound更有形象感
3，“浅蓝”=bluish，意为“带点蓝的，浅蓝色的”， -ish这个后缀表示”带…性质的，稍…的“，在《离别》和《杜鹃》中，我们也见到过此类构词法，这类表示颜色的词大家要注意，因为文学作品中出于细节刻画的需要，会将颜色描写得十分具体，翻译时也要注重选词的准确和美感哦~
4，“天边”是指海天交接之处，即“地平线”，译为the horizon，之后的“那里”文中处理为the distant edge of the sea,避免了重复
5，“一道红霞”也可译为a streak of rosy dawn或a rosy streak of dawn
果然过了一会儿，在那个地方出现了太阳的小半边脸，红是真红，却没有亮光。这个太阳好像负着重荷似的一步一步、慢慢地努力上升，到了最后，终于冲破了云霞，完全跳出了海面，颜色红得非常可爱。一刹那间，这个深红的圆东西，忽然发出了夺目的亮光，射得人眼睛发痛，它旁边的云片也突然有了光彩。
As expected, the sun soon appeared revealing half of its face, which was very red but not bright. It kept rising laboriously bit by bit as if weighted down with a heavy burden on its back until，after breaking through the rosy clouds ;it completely emerged from the sea aglow with a lovely red. Then，before I knew it, the dark red orb began to shine blazingly, dazzling my eyes until they stung and all of a sudden lighting up the surrounding cloud.
要点：
1，“这个太阳好像负着重荷似的一步一步、慢慢地努力上升…”译为It kept rising laboriously bit by bit as if weighted down with a heavy burden on its back…其中laboriously 包含“慢慢地”和“努力”两重意义，它还是 一个多音节词 ，有意 地延 长 阅读 的时间 ， 让 读者在 阅读 中真切 地感 受 日出的缓 慢过程，本句用了拟人手法，而译文的laboriously，weighted down with等词，也很好地表现了原文的修辞意
2，“一刹那间，这个深红的圆东西…”译为before I knew it, the dark red orb…，其中before I know it (或before I know where I was,before I was aware of it)在此意为“一刹那间”,此处译者并没有译为in the twinkling of an eye,或者soon
3，“圆东西”译为orb，较round thing更加形象~
4，“颜色红得非常可爱”即“发出可爱的`红光”译为be aglow with a lovely red,aglow意为“发亮的，发红的”
5，”射得人眼睛发痛“译为dazzling my eyes until they stung,其中until在此意为”以至于…”
6,” 它旁边的云片也突然有了光彩”为了避免再起一句，译者转换了主语与前句进行了合译，原文中几个小分句都围绕着“ 深红的圆东西” 这个 中心点，因此在翻译时，把 它作为主语 ， 再运用 两个并 列 的现在 分词短语 把 语 意融 合 在一 起 ，结 构紧凑 、 意思连贯 ， 同时也符合 英语 “ 头轻 尾重 ” 的表达习惯
有时太阳走进了云堆中，它的光线却从云里射下来，直射到水面上。这时候要分辨出哪里是水，哪里是天，倒也不容易，因为我就只看见一片灿烂的亮光。
Sometimes，hidden by the clouds, the sun nonetheless shed its rays straight onto the sea water, making it difficult for me to distinguish between the sky and the sea because what I saw in front of me was nothing but a wide expanse of brilliant light.
要点：
1，“有时太阳走进了云堆中”此处译者为了与下文照应，采用了主动转被动的手法~此句也可以理解为以“太阳”为主语的多动词句，“射出光线”为主要动词，“走进云堆”是次要动词，译为过去分词形式，至于句首~
2，”射到水面上“译为shed rays onto the sea，其中shed 此处意为”洒“
3，此句 译 文 中有 3处 使 用 了 头 韵 ： sun/ shed / straight /seawater 、 difficult和distinguish、 s k y 和 s e a 。体现了散文的美感，读起来也是朗朗上口滴~
4，the sun nonetheless shed its rays straight onto the sea water中 ， 将 原 文 “ 光线从云里射 下来 ”“ 直射到水面上 ” 两个动作合译，读起来一气呵成，流畅自然~后面直接用making连接两个句子，也体现了原文的简洁
有时天边有黑云，而且云片很厚，太阳出来，人眼还看不见。然而太阳在黑云里放射的光芒，透过黑云的重围，替黑云镶了一道发光的金边。后来太阳才慢慢地冲出重围，出现在天空，甚至把黑云也染成了紫色或者红色。这时候发亮的不仅是太阳、云和海水，连我自己也成了明亮的了。这不是很伟大的奇观么?
Sometimes, with thick layers of dark clouds hanging in the sky, the sun was hardly visible to the naked eye. But its radiance managed to show through the dark clouds to edge them with golden lace. Then, after gradually breaking through the tight encirclement, it came into full view and even dyed the dark clouds purple or scarlet. At the moment, apart from the sun，the clouds and the seawater, I too was luminous.Wasn't that a marvelous spectacle?
要点：
1，“太阳出来人眼还看不见” 非 人称 主语 使 折射 一 定 生 命 内涵 的动 词 被 “ 挪 用 ”于不具 生命 的主语 ， 这样 的句 式 就 自然 而然 地 抹 上了拟人色彩。译为“ t h e s u n w a s h a r d l y v i s i b l e t o t h e n a k e d e y e ” ， 符合英语行文。而且 ， 把太阳赋与人性 ，以非人称主语替代人称主语 ， 表达顿趋简洁 ， 而且显 得生动活泼
2，“透过黑云”此处译为managed to show through the dark clouds，用penetrate也可以，从上文的emerge到这里的manage to do，译者运用大量人性化的动词，将原文的“拟人化”的手法表现得淋漓尽致~
3，scarlet(绯红，猩红)，本段乃至全文对于颜色的描写都非常细致，值得借鉴和总结~
4，“这时候发亮的不仅是太阳、云和海水，连我自己也成了明亮的了。”译为At the moment, apart from the sun，the clouds and the seawater, I too was luminous. 是作者借景抒情，不知不觉地融入到自然环境当中 ，情和景 在此刻完全交融在一起了。” 译者刻意调整句子重心，将这种 递进关系传神地传达给了读者 ，主次分明，突出此时此“ 我 ” 的融情于景 。
梦回红楼
对散文雨前英译文章的赏析
我心里的气候也和这北方大陆一样缺少雨量，一滴温柔的泪在我枯涩的眼里，如迟疑在这阴沉的天空里的雨点，久不落下。下面是我分享的英译散文《雨前》赏析，欢迎欣赏!
雨前
Praying For Rainfall
何其芳
He Qifang
最后的鸽群带着低弱的笛声在微风里划一个圈子后，也消失了。也许是误认这灰暗的凄冷的天空为夜色的来袭，或是也预感到风雨的将至，遂过早地飞回它们温暖的木舍。
The last flock of pigeons have also gone out of sight after doing their final circling in the soft breeze, the sound of their whistles barely audible. They are hastening back to their warm wooden dovecote earlier than usual perhaps because they have mistaken the bleak leaden sky for nightfall or because of their presentiment of a storm.
要点：
1，此题目可译为Before the Rain, 现按久旱盼甘霖的主题，把它译为praying for the rain,其中，praying for 的意思是”求“或”祈祷“
2，“带着低弱的笛声“译为the sound of their whistles barely audible，即”勉强能听到“或”几乎听不到“，译为faint sound of their whistle也是可以的，张培基中还提供了一种译法，即the sound of the whistle trailing off, 但我认为不如前两种确切。
3，hasten to someplace意即赶往某地，之前见到过~
4，误认为=mistaken for
几天的阳光在柳条上撤下的一抹嫩绿，被尘土埋掩得有憔悴色了，是需要一次洗涤。还有干裂的大地和树根也早已期待着雨。雨却迟疑着。
The willow twigs, daubed with a light green by several days of sunshine, are now covered all over with the dust and look so sickly that they need to be washed. And the perched soil and tree roots have likewise been dying for rainfall. Yet the rain is reluctant to come down.
要点：
1，“几天的阳光在柳条上撤下的一抹嫩绿，被尘土埋掩得有憔悴色了，是需要一次洗涤。“译为The willow twigs, daubed with a light green by several days of sunshine, are now covered all over with the dust and look so sickly that they need to be washed.此处作者采取了顺译的方法，重点注意译者对”洒下“”埋掩“的处理~这句话中的嫩绿也可以直译为柳条上的枝叶。译为the light green willow leaves brought on by several days of sunshine now, covered all over with dust ,look so sickly and hence need to be washed.
2,期待着=dying for, 与前文的pray for相呼应，与主题相呼应;迟疑着即“不愿意下“=be reluctant to
我怀想着故乡的雷声和雨声。那隆隆的有力的搏击，从山谷返响到山谷，仿佛春之芽就从冻土里震动，惊醒，而怒茁出来。细草样柔的雨丝又以温存之手抚摸它，使它簇生油绿的枝叶而开出红色的花。这些怀想如乡愁一样萦绕得使我忧郁了。我心里的气候也和这北方大陆一样缺少雨量，一滴温柔的泪在我枯涩的眼里，如迟疑在这阴沉的天空里的雨点，久不落下。
I can never forget the thunderstorm we often had in my home town. Over there, whenever the rumble of thunder reverberated across the valley, the buds of spring would seem to sprout freely after being disturbed and roused up from their slumber in the frozen soil. Then tenderly stroked by the soft hands of fine rain, they would put forth bright green leaves and pink flowers. It makes me nostalgic and melancholy to think about the old times and my mind is as depressed as the vast expanse of North China is thirsty. A tear stands in my dull eye and, like the rain lingering in the murky sky, is slow to roll down.
要点：
1，“那隆隆的有力的搏击，从山谷返响到山谷，仿佛春之芽就从冻土里震动，惊醒，而怒茁出来。“译为Over there, whenever the rumble of thunder reverberated across the valley, the buds of spring would seem to sprout freely after being disturbed and roused up from their slumber in the frozen soil. 原文中的3个动词。”振动惊醒，和怒茁“其实是递升的关系，张先生在翻译时同时运用了主动语态和被动语态，使得原文的递升意义不复存在。现提供另一段译文。Those mighty crashes rumbled and reverberated from mountain valley to mountain valley, as if the new shoots of spring were shaking in the frozen gound, awakening, and bursting forth with a terrifying vigour.。这段译文很好地体现了递升的手法，同学们可以对比记忆。
2，“细草样柔的雨丝又以温存之手抚摸它，使它簇生油绿的枝叶而开出红色的花。“突出地使用书面语或文学性词汇，也是本文的特色之一，加之这句话既有通感，又有拟人，因此在选词方面要尤为注意
3，“我心里的气候也和这北方大陆一样缺少雨量“不宜按字面直译，可理解为” 我的心情抑郁，和北方大地干旱达到同样严重的程度。“将其比喻的意思翻出来，译为my mind is as depressed as the vast expanse of North China is thirsty.
4，“久不落下“汉语的否定结果比较单纯，否定词只有“不”、“非”、“否”、“勿”、“别”、“无”、“未”、“莫”、“不是”、“没有”、“决不”、“毫无”、“几乎没有”、“几乎不”等简单的词汇，汉语的传统是倾向于动词否定。
而英语的否定除借助词汇手段外，还借助句子结构和特殊表达方式来表达否定概念，既有动词否定，也有名词否定的习惯。
此处译者译为is slow to roll down, 是使用系表结构~表达了了形式上肯定，意义上否定的方法。
白色的鸭也似有一点烦躁了，有不洁的颜色的都市的河沟里传出它们焦急的叫声。有的还未厌倦那船一样的徐徐的划行。有的却倒插它们的长颈在水里，红色的蹼趾伸在尾后，不停地扑击着水以支持身体的平衡。不知是在寻找沟底的细微食物，还是贪那深深的水里的寒冷。
White ducks have also become somewhat impatient. Some are sending out irritated quacks from the turbid waters of an urban creek. Some keep swimming leisurely and tirelessly like a slow boat. Some have their long necks submerged headfirst in the water while sticking up their webbed feet behind their tails and splashing them desperately so as to keep their balance. There is no knowing if they are searching for tiny bits of food from the bottom of the creek or just enjoying the chill of the deep water.
要点：
在处理多层定语句“有不洁的颜色的都市的河沟里传出它们焦急的叫声“是译者采用了后置定语来翻译，译为the turbid waters of an urban creek，
2，第二个多层定语句“那船一样的徐徐的划行“译者巧妙地按其功能处理为了方式状语
swimming leisurely and tirelessly like a slow boat
3，“不知是在寻找沟底的细微食物，还是贪那深深的水里的寒冷。“中的”不知…”=there is no knowing…,并且对于“寒冷”一词的处理也比较贴切。
有几个已上岸了。在柳树下来回地作绅士的散步，舒息划行的疲劳。然后参差地站着，用嘴细细地抚理它们遍体白色的羽毛，间或又摇动身子或扑展着阔翅，使那缀在羽毛间的水珠坠落。一个已修饰完毕的，弯曲它的颈到背上，长长的红嘴藏没在翅膀里，静静合上它白色的茸毛间的小黑眼，仿佛准备睡眠。可怜的小动物，你就是这样做你的梦吗?
Some of them stagger out of the water and, to relieve their fatigue, begin to saunter up and down with a gentleman-like swagger in the shade of the willow trees. Then, they stand about to preen their white plumage carefully. Occasionally they give themselves a sudden shake or flap their long wings to let off water drops from among their feathers. One of them, after grooming itself, turns round its neck to rest on the back, then buries its long red beak under its wings and quietly closes its small black eyes tucked away among the white find hair. Apparently it is getting ready to sleep. Poor little creature, is that the way you sleep?
要点：
1，“有几个已上岸了。”译为Some of them stagger out of the water，其中stagger较come更加可取，因根据Longman词典，swagger一词作为动词的意思是to walk with a swinging movement, as if proud大摇大摆地走; 趾高气扬地走;作为名词的意思是 proud manner of walking昂首阔步;趾高气扬的走路姿态。
2，“然后参差地站着，用嘴细细地抚理它们遍体白色的羽毛，间或又摇动身子或扑展着阔翅，使那缀在羽毛间的水珠坠落。”在此译者译为Then, they stand about to preen their white plumage carefully. Occasionally they give themselves a sudden shake or flap their long wings to let off water drops from among their feathers.两个分句，我们也可以将原句以“站”、“抚理”、“摇动”、“扑展”等并列动词构成的一句，从语法的角度可以理解为一个并列句，以多动词句的角度理解翻译，译为Then, standing in disarray, preening their white plumage carefully, they occasionally gave themselves a sudden shake or flap their long wings to let off water drops from among their feathers.
3，“一个已修饰完毕的，弯曲它的颈到背上，长长的红嘴藏没在翅膀里，静静合上它白色的茸毛间的小黑眼，仿佛准备睡眠。”译为One of them, after grooming itself, turns round its neck to rest on the back, then buries its long red beak under its wings and quietly closes its small black eyes tucked away among the white find hair. 对于这种多动词的句子，使用现在分词和过去分词是最常用的方法。
4，“你就是这样做你的'梦吗?”译者在此将做梦译为sleep，个人觉得dream 更好一些~
我想起故乡放雏鸭的人了。一大群鹅黄色的雏鸭游牧在溪流间。清浅的水，两岸青青的草，一根长长的竹竿在牧人的手里。他的小队伍是多么欢欣地发出啾啁声，又多么驯服地随着他的竿头越过一个田野又一个山坡!夜来了，帐幕似的竹篷撑在地上，就是他的家。但这是怎样辽远的想象啊!在这多尘土的国度里，我仅只希望听见一点树叶上的雨声。
The scene recalls to my mind the duckling raiser in my home town. With a long bamboo pole in hand, he would look after a large flock of gosling-yellow ducklings moving about on the limpid water of a shallow brook flanked on both sides by green grass. How the little creatures jig-jigged merrily! How they obediently followed the bamboo pole to scamper over field after field, hillside after hillside! When night fell, the duckling raiser would make his home in a tent-like bamboo shed. Oh, that is something of the distant past! Now, in this dusty country of ours, what I yearn for is to hear the drip-drip of rain beating against leaves.
要点：
1，“清浅的水，两岸青青的草，一根长长的竹竿在牧人的手里” 与英语比较起来，汉语在表达思想时，有突出主题而忽略主语的现象。因此对于无主句我们通常要找主语，而主语通常为已知的信息。此处译者将此句译为With a long bamboo pole in hand, he would look after a large flock of gosling-yellow ducklings moving about on the limpid water of a shallow brook flanked on both sides by green grass.不仅译出主语，还做了变通，显出文学性，但我们在翻译这类句子是，一般采用顺译的方法，比较保险。下面两种译法供大家参考A great swarm of yellowish crane ducklings floated in the streams , the shallow blue water beneath, the green grass on both banks, and the long bamboo pole in the hands of the tender.
A great crowd of light yellow ducklings would be taken to the waters of the creek----limpid water, lush green grass on the banks, and a long bamboo staff in the herder's hand.
2，“他的小队伍是多么欢欣地发出啾啁声”翻译拟声词时，虽然英语和汉语有很多词是可以对应的，但汉语的拟声词作为形容词，而英语的拟声词多为动词和名词。因此我们在翻译的时候要对词性和句形做调整。“唧唧叫”可译为cheep或chirp，jig-jig做拟声词用到的不多，(查完词典发现它居然还有些少儿不宜的意思，，，，建议大家还是用c开头的两个~
“这是怎样辽远的想象啊!”可以用how，此处用的that，同学们也可以学习下~译者使用现在时翻译，增加描述的生动性和现实感
我仰起头。天空低垂如灰色雾幕，落下一些寒冷的碎屑到我脸上。一只远来的鹰隼仿佛带着愤怒，对这沉重的天色的愤怒，平张的双翅不动地从天空斜插下，几乎触到河沟对岸的土阜，而又鼓扑着双翅，作出猛烈的声响腾上了。那样巨大的翅使我惊异。我看见了它两胁间斑白的羽毛。
When I look up at a gray misty pall of a low-hanging sky, some dust particles feel chilly on my face. A hawk, seemingly irked by the gloomy sky, swoops down sideways out of nowhere, with wings wide-spread and immovable, until it almost hits the hillock on the other side of the brook. But it soars skywards again with a loud flap. I am amazed by the tremendous size of its wings. And I also catch sight of the grizzled feathers on its underside.
要点：
1，“天空低垂如灰色雾幕”译为a gray misty pall of a low –hanging sky,等于a low-hanging sky resembling a gray misty pall.同样的栗子如：a toy of a house=a toy-like house,a dwarf of a man=a dwarf –like a man.
2,”远来的“译为out of nowhere(不知从哪儿来的), 通常我们译为coming from afar, 但前者更为传神贴切。
3，“沉重的天色”是一个移就修辞格的表达，作者把原来属于形容人的心情的“沉重”
转移到形容非生命的“天空”，译为the gloomy sky，也可以参考第一段译为leaden sky
然而雨还是没有来。
Then I hear its loud cry — like a powerful voice from the bottom of its heart or a call in the dark for its comrades in arms .But still no rain.
要点：
1，“伴侣“此处有”战友“的含义，故译comrade in arms
2,” 然而雨还是没有来” 语篇中有一些与长句交织在一起的短句，这些短句的不时出现，像音乐中不时出现在主旋律旁边的一个副旋律，共同组合成一个和谐的音乐篇章。因此对于这个短句，译者也进行了短句处理。长短句结合，体现散文的美美美!
精灵酱酱儿
1.明喻(the simile) 格式：本体 显著比喻词(like/as/as if) 喻体 常用介词like 、连词as，as if，asso、动词seem等以及句型Ato B asCtoD等等表示“好像”意思的比喻说法就叫明喻。例如： （1）Teacher, you are like the sun, but more magnificent, andmorebrillant. 老师，您像太阳，又比太阳更灿烂更辉煌。（2）Your soul is as pure as snow, your personality is as nobleaspine trees! All praise to you, our belovedteacher.您的心灵像雪一样纯净，您的人格像青松一般高洁！赞美您，敬爱的老师。英语中除上述的用介词、连词或句型等的明喻表达方式外，还有许多常用的明喻习语。例如： (1)as clear as crystal清如水晶 (2)as weak as water软弱无力 这类利用类似汉语的押韵和叠声增加语言的美感。与此同时，又可以使语言短小精悍，表达生动、形象。2.隐喻(the metaphor) 格是：本体 is/are 喻体 例如： （1）Time is a river, of which memory is the water. Oh myfriend,what I scoop up from the river is all yearning ofyou.时间是河、记忆如水，朋友，我从河里捧起来的都是对你的思念。（2）Time is money. 时间就是金钱。注意：英语中存在着许多数词习语和俚语，用作隐喻（也有个别用作明喻）。例如 ： (1)You are one in a million.你真是人见人爱。(2)He has one over the eight.他酩酊大醉。（3）This film star is a nine days wonder; I doubt whetheranyonewill remr her in ayearstime.这位电影明星现在红极一时（也指昙花一现），但我认为一年以后人们不见得还记得她。注意：英语中还有许多隐喻成语。例如： （1）to teach fish to swim 班门弄斧 （2）to plough the sand 白费力气 （3）up the tree骑虎难下；lame duck强弩之末；above board光明正大 3.借喻(the metonymy) 格式：直接用比喻事物代替本体事物 例如： (1)The buses in America are on strikenow.美国的公共汽车司机正在罢工（这里buses喻指司机drivers)。(2)The pen is mightier thanthesword.文人胜于武士（以pen，sword喻指使用这物的人）。英语中一些鸟兽鱼虫的名字，除本义外，常可转借喻人，形象生动，意味隽永。例如： (1)She is a social butterfly.她是一个交际花（以虫喻人）。（接下页）
优质英语培训问答知识库
