上海阿稀
英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》作者：佚名 文章来源：本站原创 点击数：7713 更新时间：2005-11-27Wanderseveryfivemiles焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)Prologue本文转自：小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemywifeisWuSong.(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetenderthanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)Act1(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law”.L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,solazy……L:But……JM:Neverinterruptme!L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardalldaylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchickenand……JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyourson.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)Act2(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)L:Mum,I’mback!LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!WhenyouinsistedonmarryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlistentome.Lookatyourself……L:But,mum……LM:Neverinterruptme!L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?AndI’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“IfyoudaughterHaven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgoandtellhim.(下)L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)Act3本文转自：小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影(J睡眼惺忪上)J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Nowshehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanicegirl,goandtakeherback!J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!Act4(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoandrobthewedding!A&B:Goodidea!J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgowithyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.B:Haveyougotanyexperience?J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)Act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(J和三强盗跃至台中)ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!B:AndIplantedonetree.C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---J:Giveusallyourmoney!(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?L(哭状):Ihurtalot!J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)
RRRenee火锅控
Little Red Cap 人物：小红帽的妈妈，小红帽，狼，小红帽的奶奶，猎人（5人） 第一场：Little Red Cap家 Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里） Little Red Cap:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi, mummy, what are you doing? Mum：（一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma. Little Red Cap：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok! Mum：（亲切地看着Little Red Cap说）Be good. Be careful. Little Red Cap：Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy. Mum：Bye-bye. Darling. 第二场：在路上 (一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Cap挎着篮子蹦跳地跳到花草旁) Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red Cap. Hi! Little Red Cap. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Cap打招呼) Little Red Cap：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s. Grandma is ill. Wolf：Oh, really! I am sorry to hear that. By the way, where does your grandma live? Little Red Cap：She lives in the house near the forest. There is a big tree behind her house. Wolf：（自言自语）I’ll eat Grandma. But……（指着花草对小红帽说）Why don’t you pick some flowers for your grandma? I’m sure they will make your grandma feel happy. Little Red Cap：Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! Thank you, Mr. Wolf.（放下篮子采花）One flower, two flowers, three flowers. 第三场：Grandma家 Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。） Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang． Grandma：Who is it？ Wolf：（装出Little Red Cap的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Cap. Grandma：(边说边起床) Come in, come in. Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you. Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫边从床上滚到地上） (大灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里，穿上外婆的衣服。) Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep. Little RedCap：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma． Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？ Little Red Cap：It’s me. Little Red Cap. What a strange noise! Wolf：Come in, Come in. Little Red Cap：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步) Oh! What are big ears! Wolf：Because I want to listen to your sweet voice. Little Red Cap：Wow! What a big eyes! Wolf：Because I want to see you pretty face. Little Red Cap：（走近些，跪在床前，仔细看着说）Look! What a big hands? Wolf：(从床上跳起来说) Because I want to eat you! Little Red Cap：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No! Wolf：（追到Little Red Cap，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I am full now. Let me have a rest. (猎人上) Hunter：(一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping. Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声) Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Cap are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut. Little Red Cap/Grandma：Thank you． Hunter：Grandma ,give me some needles and thread．Little Cap ,Give me some stones． Grandma：(从桌子上拿来针线) Little RedCap：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three. Hunter：(把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里) Grandma：I’ll thread it. Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up! Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy. Oh, I will die, I will die, I don’t want to die. Little Red Cap、Grandma、Hunter: ha! We are safe now!
胖墩er猫
搞笑小学英语小品剧本《新守株待兔》人物：农夫，兔子A，兔子B，大树。农夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]A cool farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷酷]Eh...When I was yong,I studied in Xu~~~~chuan Middle School.So, I’m rich now！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！This is my modern mobile——Nokia WC 250！This is my watch!This is my MP3!These are my shoes——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’s this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do you know what’s this？痒痒挠？No no no~~You are out!!It’s my modern——锄头~！！[看下表] It is time to do some farming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]树：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鹅] Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台]兔子A：OK,I’m a rabbit. Now I’m just walking around here.[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走][农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]兔子A：Wahhhh~!（吓一跳）What do you want?农夫：Huh…！I will kill U for lunch!兔子A： Wah~~~~~~ [兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前]农夫：Where~ to go? Haha![农夫开了一枪“砰”(配音)。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。 农夫又开枪，同上。 农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。]兔子A[自我陶醉中，边跳舞边说]You can't hurt me! You can't hurt me！树：[痛苦万分地]But…you…Hurt me….[痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后][兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看着它。 兔子猛然抬头发现]农夫：Ah ha~! Bye bye ! [举枪对准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来]兔子A：Ha ha ha ha! You can’t kill me now！ [兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树] Wa ！[倒地]农夫：OH! [很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]My lunch , I caught you !!! [把兔子绑到树上。打呵欠]tired! I’ll eat you after sleeping.[倒地睡觉]（打鼾的声音）兔子A：[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，很惊讶]Where am I? What happened?树：[指着农夫]He has caught you and wants to eat you.兔子A：What?! I must leave here! But how can I escape？[东张西望，看到农夫的手机]A mobile![解开绳子去看手机]It’s Nokia WC 250! Wow,how fashion![放回原处。又自觉地把自己绑在树上。 突然想起来]A mobile！Maybe I can call some one to help me！ [又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手机][做出打电话的样子] (配音：拨电话) Hello？兔子B：Hello!It’s Jenny. 兔子A：Hey Jenny！ 兔子B：Oh,hey Mary!兔子A：How are you? 兔子B：Fine,thank you.And U?兔子A：I’m fine too!How are your parents? 兔子B：They are fine,thank you.And U?兔子A：They are fine,too!How is your uncle? 兔子B：He’s fine,thank you!And U?兔子A：He’s fine , too! How… 兔子B：Eh..eh..eh~wait.But why do you call me? If you want borrow some money from me…NO WAY!!!兔子A：No no no!I’m in danger now!Come and help me!!!兔子B：But where are you? 兔子A：I’m under a tree!兔子B：[边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个人还没发现]What can you see around you?兔子A：I see a rabbit …that looks exactly like you!兔子B：A rabbit…like me… OK!I’ll find you.Just a second!Wait for me! I will help you! [匆匆离开][兔子A 打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，然后又很自觉地要把自己绑回了树上]兔子A：Haha!My friend will come and save me~!yeah! [兴奋过度，后仰，头又撞倒树上,倒地](虚弱地)Oh!Hurt! Call 110~Or 119?112?...Oh,forget it!I’m dying![作喉咙卡住声音，死去][兔子B上。]兔子B：I’m also a rabbit！I’m smart! I’m lovely! And I’m (作风情万种)beautiful! （自我陶醉）[转头看自己右手边，却发现兔子A倒在地上]Oh,my!MaryI’m so sorry,Mary!I’m too late!5555555~~~~~~Mary![痛苦而夸张地转身敲打树]树：Oh!Oh,don’t hit me.!Don’t hit me!I’m ~~brea~ken![朝地上倒，压倒兔子B]兔子B：What?NO..NO!~~...I…can’t….breath……(作死了的声音)[农夫一觉醒来。看见两只兔子] En..?Two rubbits! I rememer I have caught just one?!Oh,thanks god!How lucky I am![兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下场]
爱淘唯一
小狮子找食物 （I Am Hungry）角色：雄狮、小狮、小白兔、小松鼠、小女孩。道具：雄狮、小狮、小白兔、小松鼠头套、红萝卜、花生一把、苹果一个。Act 1雄狮：（怒吼）Roar, roar!I am the lion,the king of the forest.No one is stronger than me.Roar, roar!小狮：Daddy! I’m hungry.雄狮：You are big now.Be brave!Go and find your own food.小狮：But, I don’t know how.雄狮：Do it like me.Roar, roar! （怒吼）小狮：（小声地）Roar, roar!雄狮：Rush to the animals and bite them with your sharp teeth.（ 露出尖利的牙齿）Go and do it now.小狮：Yes, daddy.Act 2小白兔：（唱”Rabbit, R693535747 19:39:38abbit, Carrot Eater”）Rabbit, rabbit, carrot eater.He says there is nothing sweeter,Than a carrot everyday,Munch and crunch and run away.小狮：Hi, rabbit! I am hungry.Roar, roar!（小声地）小白兔：Do you want some carrots?小狮：Yes, please.（小白兔递给小狮一根红萝卜）小狮：Thank you.小白兔：Carrots are the best food.小狮：（吃了一口）Yuck! I don’t like it.Anyway, thank you, rabbit.（还红萝卜给小白兔）小白兔：You are welcome.（边跳边唱”Rabbit, Rabbit, Carrot Eater”离开）Act 3小松鼠：（唱着”Found a Peanut”）Found a peanut.Found a peanut.Found a peanut693535747 19:39:38just now.Just now I found a peanut.Found a peanut just now.小狮：Hi, squirrel! I am hungry.Roar, roar! （小声地）小松鼠：Do you want some peanuts?小狮：Yes, please.（小松鼠递给小狮一些花生）小狮：Thank you.小松鼠：Peanut is the best food.小狮：（吃了一颗）Yuck! It’s too hard.I don’t like it.Anyway, thank you, squirrel.（将花生还给小松鼠）小松鼠：You are welcome.（边走边唱”Found a Peanut”离开）Act 4（小女孩边走边唱”Apple Round”）小女孩：Apple round.Apple red.Apple juicy.Apple sweet.
