英语小话剧

英语话剧剧本：四人英语话剧剧本-The Rolling Orange时间你可以自由控制适合4人的话剧剧本，四人英语话剧剧本The Rolling Orange讲述桔子的故事。一天早上，桔子一家醒来，发现人们开着卡车，搬着梯子，来摘桔子了，快来看看他们的命运如何吧。人物Tom: Father OrangeKlye: Mother OrangeWallis: Older Sister OrangeJessie: Little Brother OrangeCharactersFather Orange: He is a middle-aged, considerate, and thoughtful man.Mother Orange: She is a younger and more youthful woman than Father. She is also very optimistic.Older Sister Orange: She is young , energetic, and competitive .Little Brother Orange: He is the youngest and, therefore, a little spoiled.SCENE I 场景一：果园One Morning in an Orange Orchard. (Today is a sunny day . An orange family is discussing nervously about something on an orange tree in an orchard. )Father: I was awakened early this morning by the sound of trucks in the field (yawning).Mother: Well, it wasn’t the first time to be like this.Sister: A whole bunch of strange men was brought in by trucks.Brother: That really scared me. They got out and started to climb up ladders. Sister: (Afraid suddenly) Oh! My friends were grabbed and put into large bags. I could hear them yell for help.Father: Hey! We shouldn’t look at them; otherwise, they’ll notice us. Mother: But it’s useless.Sister: Oh, God! We’re discovered!Brother: Oh! We’re being grabbed and pulled from our branches. What will we do for food and water?Sister: It will be so uncomfortable going to town in that bag with a lot of strangers.Mother: Well, we’ll just have to do our best.Father: Yeah!SCENE IIOn a Fruit Stand. (After having been on the road in a bag for half an hour, they are placed on a fruit stand. )Sister: Gee! This place is so cold and desolate. I wish we had our friends here on this stand (looks at the opposite fruit stall).Brother: I tried to make friends with these people on our way here, but everyone looked pretty uncomfortable and scared.(Suddenly) Sister: Oh! Mother! How could they do that?Mother: What are you talking about? Brother: I know what she’s talking about (Brother turns to look). Father: What did you see?Sister: My friends were cut up and eaten. How could they do that? I’m so scared.Father: Now, children, be calm. Mother: Sh~ Someone’s coming. Father: Try to be quiet.Sister: I don’t want to be taken away. Brother: Oh! My friend’s being taken away.Sister: Your friend looks so fat.Mother: If we look sour, maybe we won’t be taken away. Brother: That’s a bright idea. But how could we look sour?Mother: Now, children, stop being scared and calm down.Father: Oh! No! I’m being looked at.Mother: I told you not to eat so much. Now you look so fat and juicy. (Father is being taken away.)Brother: Oh, no, Dad! Father: (Sadly) Good bye, children.Sister: Oh! Dad’s being put into the basket and taken away. Mother: Oh, no!Brother: Stop that. Our father can’t be taken away. Mother: Look, he’s being bagged and put into a cart.Sister: Hey! The cart’s wheels are going out of the store. Brother: A car’s pulling up.Mother: Oh, no! His bag is being picked up.Sister: But it’s breaking. And Dad’s falling out.Brother: Dad’s rolling away.All: (Jumping up and down cheering) ROLL! ROLL! He’s getting away. Sister & Brother: Yip! Yip! Hurray for Dad!Mother: Oh! Thank God.

5分钟英语搞笑话剧剧本（通用5篇）

话剧指以对话方式为主的戏剧形式，于19世纪末20世纪初来到中国。与传统舞台剧、戏曲相区别，话剧主要叙述手段为演员在台上无伴奏的对白或独白，但可以使用少量音乐、歌唱等。以下是我整理的5分钟英语搞笑话剧剧本，欢迎阅读。

The Clever Rabbits（聪明小兔）

角色：

Red Eyes（红眼睛）Long Ears（长耳朵）Short Tail（短尾巴）

Big Wolf（大灰狼）Mother Rabbit（兔妈妈）

Storyteller翻译官

道具 房子，玩具、凳子，桌子，一棵树等。

布景 一座有门的房子里摆着一张桌子、几个凳子和一些玩具。

SceneI Three Rabbits（三只小兔子）

（一）

Storyteller:The Mother Rabbit has red Eyes,Long Ears and Short Tail.

兔妈妈有三个孩子，她给他们起名叫红眼睛、长耳朵和短尾巴。）

Red Eyes:（Coming to the front.上前。）

Hello!I"m Red Eyes.Glad to see you.

（你好！我是红眼睛。见到你很高兴。）

Long Ears:（Touch his long ears.着他的长耳朵。）

Hi!How do you do? Nice to see you.My name is Long Ears.

（嗨！你好！很高兴见到你。我叫长耳朵。）

Short Tail:（Show his tail.展示他的尾巴。）

Hello,boys and girls! I"m Short Tail.

（小朋友们，你们好！我是短尾巴。见到大家我很高兴。）

After this,they are playing games in随后，他们就在房子里玩游戏。）

（二）

Storyteller:A big wolf is hiding be-idea.Just then,the Mother Rabbit is the arm.

（一只大灰狼正躲在树后，他在打着坏主意。这时，兔妈妈提着一篮子萝卜回来了。） Mother Rabbit:（Singing a song.唱起了歌。） Little Rabbits,open the door.

（小兔子乖乖，把门开开，妈妈回来了。）

Big Wolf:Ah,I know their secret.啊，我知道他们的秘密了。）

Mother Rabbit:（Walking into the house.进了家门。）

Good evening,my children.Are you hungry?

Let"s have supper!

（晚上好，孩子们！你们饿了吧？咱们吃晚饭吧。）

Storyteller: The Big Bad Wolves（大灰狼来了）

Storyteller:Then next day,the（第二天，兔妈妈要出门了。）

Mother Rabbit:I am going to pick the door ,don"t open the door for strangers （我要去采蘑菇。千万记住，不要给陌生人开门。）

All:OK.

Storyteller:Three rabbits close the a while,they hear some one knocking at door.

Big Wolf:（Learn to sing.学着唱。）Little Rabbits,open the door.

Mother coming back.

（小兔子乖乖，把门开开，妈妈回来了。）

Red Eyes and Short Tail:Mother is（妈妈回来了。）

Long Ears:（Stop them opening the阻止他俩开门。）No.It"s not our mother.That isn"t like Mother"s voice. （不对。不是妈妈，那不像妈妈的声音。）

Red Eyes:Let me see.It"s not really（让我来看看。果然不是妈妈。）

Big Wolf:（Bang!Bang!Bang!）I"m your mother.Open the door in a hurry.

（我是你们的妈妈，快开门啊。）

Long Ears:All right.You must show your tail.

（好吧。那你必须把你的尾巴从门缝里伸进来）

Big Wolf:OK.

Storyteller:The clever rabbits clip the（小兔子把大灰狼的尾巴夹住了。）

Mother Rabbit:You Big Bad Wolf!（你这个大灰狼！）

Storyteller:With her words,she hits（说着，她捡起棍子狠狠地打大灰狼。）

Big Wolf:Oh.My God!My tail hurts.（噢。我的天啊！我的尾巴受伤了。）

Storyteller:The wolf"s tail is broken.

mother"s voice,they open the door and hug their mother.

（大灰狼的尾巴被夹断了，他逃走了。小兔子听到妈妈的声音，打开门，扑进妈妈的怀里。）

Mother Rabbit:My clever children.（我的乖孩子们。）

旁白：It’s a cold evening. The Titanic has sunken. Rose, Jack and Oscar are on the life boat floating in the ocean. This is Jack. This is Rose and this is Oscar, her husband-to-be.（边说边介绍，三人坐在课桌上）

Oscar: Oh, honey~ Are you OK? （边说边将手搭上Rose肩）

Jack: She is my girl.（打开Oscar的手）

Oscar: You are so cold.（脱下报纸披在R身上面向观众）what you wear, what you are.

Jack: What are you doing! （扔掉校服，脱下自己的羽绒服抖了抖，面向观众）BoSideng（波斯登）, warm and comfortable, it’s my choice.（将羽绒服披在Rose身上）

Rose:（向Jack）I love you.（向观众）But I love BoSideng more.

Oscar: Hey! She is my wife-to-be, who are you?

Jack: I am I. Wo de di pan wo zuo zhu（我的地盘我做主）.

Oscar: People on the Earth all know, She, and I, will go to New York to have our wedding. Rose: But now……

Jack: Don’t say any more! Take your knife out! （从口袋里掏出铅笔，紧握手中）

Oscar: Ok. Let’s go fighting! （同样掏出铅笔紧握手中）

Jack & Oscar: Fighting! （用铅笔互戳）----小蜜蜂~

Rose: No, no, no! Please stop! （拉二人）( J & O不小心将Rose推下桌子——落水）

Rose: Help, help!（Jack & Oscar将拉上Rose桌子）

Oscar: Honey, how are you?

Rose:（向观众）PiaoRou（飘柔）, just so confident~（甩头发）

（Rose不小心推Oscar，Oscar落水） Oscar: Help, help!

Rose: Oh, no! （向Oscar伸手）（Jack抓过Rose的`手，对视）

Jack:（唱）你是我的玫瑰，你是我的花…You are my life, you are my honey~

Rose: But……what about Oscar?

Jack: Don’t pay attention to him.

Rose: OK. Darling~ I love you, loving you, like mouse love rice~

旁白：At this time, Oscar has been far away……Jack and Rose are still floating in the ocean. It’s colder and colder.

Jack: Do you feel cold?

Rose: Yes. You see we are so lonely.

Jack: Don’t worry. I have this! （从口袋里掏出打火机，并向观众展示）This is a magic DaHuoji（打火机）.（Jack按下打火机）（Superwoman上，胸前贴一张纸，上书S）

Superwoman:（向观众）Do you know who am I? I am Superwoman! The famous Superman is my brother. I’m willing to help others.

Rose: Would you please help us get awayfromhere?（Superwoman无视，面向Jack）

Superwoman: Oh, pretty boy~ Come here, I will save you.

Jack: Take my girl together.

Superwoman: No way!（Superwoman下）（Jack第二次按下打火机）

（Indian Princess上，向观众合掌问候）

Princess: I am a princessfromIndia.

Rose: Would you please help us get awayfromhere?

Princess: OK. I have a magic blanket, maybe it can take you away. Come on.（从口袋里掏出围巾）（Jack & Rose 尝试伸出脚，Princess上下晃动围巾）

Princess: Oh, no, it’s broken! My blanket! （边说边后退，渐远）

（Indian Princess下）（Jack第三次还没按，Harry Potter上，提着扫帚）

Harry: Yi? Where am I? （向观众）My name is Harry Potter. I’mfromHogwarts（霍格沃茨）. I lose my way.

Rose: Would you please help us get awayfromhere?

Harry: I really want to help you, but my ability is limited.（耸肩）

Jack:（愤怒地）Oh, my god! Go away at once! （指向前方）（Harry Potter下）

旁白：Suddenly, the life boat is shaking because Jack and Rose are too heavy.

Jack: Rose, listen to me. I love you, but I will leave you.The boat can’t support us for

a long time. You must live, so I will jump into the sea.

Rose: No, no, no. Jump or not jump, this is a question.

Jack: Then let the God decide it（二人低头虔诚祈祷状）

Rose: God will bless us.（Jack和Rose同时从身后伸出手来，包剪锤）

Jack & Rose: One two three!（Jack出锤子，Rose出包子）

Jack: I lose. You see, it’s God’s choice.（Rose连连摇头）

Rose: Oh, no. Jack, Jack, why your name is Jack!

Jack: I wish you a happy life. Good-bye!（Jack跳下桌子，Rose伸手拉，未果）

Rose: You jump, I jump.（Rose跳下桌子，O未死， 继续叫救命……）

（旁白唱my heart will go on，音乐起，全剧终。Jack & Rose跳舞，张开手臂经典动作作结。）.

人物： rabbit（小兔），fox（狐狸），monkey（小猴），tortoise（乌龟），mummy bear（熊妈妈），baby bear（熊宝宝），lion（狮子），bird（小鸟）。

布景：大森林背景，舞台右角是一座小房子，一棵木瓜树，中间有一棵大树，舞台左角有一块大石头，左角后台阶上有两棵桃树。

（大幕在抒情、优美的音乐声中徐徐开启）

:In this beautiful forest, There live many lovely animals, they love each other and live a happy life!

在一个美丽的大森林里，住着许许多多的小动物，他们在一起相亲相爱，生活得可幸福了！

第一景：小动物群舞

小兔舞 （音乐：活泼、轻快、跳跃）

狐狸舞 （扭动腰肢，跳节奏感极强的迪斯科）

乌龟舞 （一伸一缩，音乐：缓慢、低沉、滑稽）

小猴舞 （调皮、灵巧，可用西游记主题曲）

（音乐转为轻柔、舒缓，小兔一人旋转跳舞，音乐渐弱转为流水声，舞台灯光转暗，布景为湖边，木瓜树下。）

第二景：:"咕咚"（清晰而响亮）

小兔：（吃惊的样子，四处看看）What’s the matter?

什么东西？

（倒退几步，拔腿就跑，正好撞上了狐狸。）

狐狸：（奇怪的神情）What’s the matter? Why are you running?

跑什么呀？出了什么事？

小兔：（气喘嘘虚的样子）："Gu dong, Gu dong is coming."

咕咚，咕咚来了。

狐狸：（害怕的样子）：Oh! Horrible, let’s run.

哇！太可怕了，让我们跑吧！

（这时候，熊妈妈提着篮子和熊宝宝从树后走出来，正好看到慌慌张张奔跑的小兔和狐狸。）

熊妈妈：（很惊奇的样子）：What’s the matter? Why are you running?

出了什么事？你们跑什么呀？

小兔、狐狸（合）：Gu dong is coming.

小熊：（害怕并躲在妈妈的怀里）mummy mummy, I’m frightened.

妈妈、妈妈，我害怕！

熊妈妈：（安慰宝宝）Oh! dear, Don’t be frightened, let’s run quickly.

乖宝宝，别害怕，让我们跑吧！快，快

（小猴、小鸟、乌龟在另一角台阶的桃树上看到，感到很奇怪）

小猴：（指着奔跑的小动物）Why? Why are they all running?

为什么，为什么他们都在跑？

乌龟：（很神秘的样子）Perhaps, A monster!

也许，是妖怪来了！

小猴、小鸟：（非常恐惧的样子）Oh, horrible, let’s run!

啊呀！太可怕了，快跑呀！

乌龟：（慌慌张张地跟在后面）wait! just wait.

等一等！

（大狮子正在一块石头下睡觉，众人吵吵闹闹的声音吵醒了它。狮子大吼一声，伸伸懒腰。）

狮子：（很生气的样子） It’s very noise! Why ? why are you all running ?

太吵了，你们为什么都在跑呀？

众人合：（上气不接下气的样子）Gu dong, Gu dong is coming.

狮子：（感到很奇怪）Gu dong , What is it ? Where is it?

"咕咚",什么东西？在哪里？

（大家你看着我，我看着你，都在摇头。）

小猴：（问熊妈妈）Where?

在哪里？

熊妈妈：（摇摇头，）I don’t know.（转而问狐狸）Where

我不知道。 在哪里？

狐狸：（摇摇头，）I don’t know.（转而问小兔）Where?

我不知道。 在哪里？

（众人把目光都集中在小兔的身上。）

小兔：（挠挠脑袋，指着对面）It’s over there.

就在那边！

狮子：（很神气的样子）Let’s go and see.

走，去看看。

（大伙互相看看，都表现出非常害怕的样子。）

狮子：（拍拍胸脯，很勇敢的样子）come on, follow me.

走，跟我走！

（音乐响，一段雄壮有力的进行曲，众人排着整齐的队伍，大踏步地往前走，快到树下时，脚步慢下来。音乐停，全场一片寂静。）

狮子：（四处张望）Where? There is nothing here.

在哪里？什么都没有啊！

（正在这时候，一阵风吹来，咕咚一声，一棵木瓜掉进了湖里。）

小猴：（指着湖边）Oh! It’s a papaya! Gu dong is a papaya!

噢！原来是木瓜呀！

（众人大笑，大幕在笑声中徐徐落下。）

The end.

全剧终

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.

乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?

甲:(作目瞪口呆状),

乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)

丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....

甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

near, far, wherever you are

i believe that the heart does go on

once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)

and you're here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on.

甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise

丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.

甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?

丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....

丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!

甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.

丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!

甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,

丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.

甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,

三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right?

丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?

丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?

三人同声:we are past,right?

甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!

三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!

乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)

甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?

三人齐答:yes,we do!

甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

人物：追星A, 追星B，追星C，明星，车主 旁白 经纪人

旁白：A girl is crazy about a star called Handsome+人名. Even when she is asleep, she can dream that man.

A：(打哈欠)，I need to go to bed, I’m so sleepy.(打哈欠)——边走边说 （趴在讲台上睡）

（进入梦乡）

旁白：In her dream……

(上台摆两个凳子，A做一个)

A：Oh, it’s a fine day. (假装看天) (然后突然不经意的拿起一本书翻看)

明星：(上台)：Oh, it’s a fine day. (然后坐凳子)

(A看着看着书，就不经意的往旁边看，然后再看看书，突然感觉不对劲，在意外的往旁边看，看到了自己最喜爱的那个明星，十分激动，不敢相信这是真的)

A：Are you … are you that … super star?(激动地说不出话)

明星：（随意的回答） Yes, what’s wrong?

A: I’m your fan,super fan. Your photos are full of my bedroom, no, they are full of my house, including kitchen, living room, bedrooms, and… and toilet.

(激动，后面讲到厕所时，还有点不好意思)

(当明星听到厕所时，很惊讶)

明星：You are too…enthusiastic [in,θju:zi'?stik]. (有点嫌弃)

A: Can you give me your signature?

(讲到签名，明星就兴奋了)

明星：Ok ,of course!

A：（大声喊）Oh ,I will have the Handsome______’s signature

(突然，两个人跑过来，B把A给推开了然后两人问明星要签名)

B：Please ,please give me signature!!!!!!!

C: No, give it to me, to me!!!

(两人抢着，A一人孤零零的站在旁边，)

A: Why the result is this ?(抱头痛哭，边走边哭，然后走到睡觉的那个地方，恢复原来的样子，还有点啜泣)

A： Er? Where is it? Oh,it’s just a dream , but ,it’s a bad dream.

It’s too early, I want sleep.(又趴下去)

旁白：In her second dream, the scene is at the crossroads.

A: Look at the tall buildings, they like the …like the …I don’t have any adjrectives to describe them.

(明星上场，走在对面，也在欣赏某些东西)

A：Oh ,look at there, that man is like a star ! Oh ,Oh ,Oh ,(一次比一次激动)he is …..he is…..Handsome_______！I want his signature! But there is too much cars, What can I do? What can I do? I don’t care this any more, the signature is more important!

(正当他准备过马路时，车主做开车动作来了，将要撞A，A很害怕)

车主：Look out!

Aon’t come here, don’t come here!(闭着眼睛) (车主迅速下台)

（A突然站起来，睁开眼睛）

A：A dream .too? Oh, my god, Why do I always can’t get the signature? No, I must get it, sleep again! Yes ,sleep! But ,why do I stand here? I should lie in the bed. Whether these, I must go to bed and get the signature!(趴着又睡)

旁白：In her third dream

(明星在签名，A前面有B, C)

经纪人：One by one,Don’t be wrought-up

A: Yeah,I can get it at last. Before me ,there are only two people.

（到B）

B:I love you very much. My dreamlover.

明星：Thank you

(B下，C上)

C: Oh，I meet you ,can I hug with you ?

明星：Sure.

(两人抱了一下)

（到A）

A: I can get your signature in the end! I’m so excited

(明星面目有点难受的样子，手捂着肚子)

明星：Sorry, can I go to the toilet for a moment? My stomach is hurt a lot.(难受)

A: Yes, make yourselfe at home.

(过来一会儿)

A: Handsome_______ has gone to toilet for such a long time. Is he ok?

经纪人对A说：Sorry, the girl, Handsome_____ perhaps can’tcome here to give you signature, He is too hurt. He went home.

A: Ah? Why always me ? (伤心地离开，走到睡着的地方)

（突然起身）

A :Why always me ? I only want a signature~~ ai~~ What time is it now ? (看了一下钟，表情惊讶) It’s near 8 o’clock .I can’t arrive at the school on time! Oh no ,hurry up hurry up!

《 荆珂刺秦王》旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?太子丹晕倒荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now! 太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:"I promise."荆轲:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng. 结束！