英语笑话哲理

One day it happened that the father was going to the fair, and he asked his two stepdaughters what he should bring back for them.有一次，父亲要到集市去，他问妻子的两个女儿，要他给她们带什么回来。"Beautiful dresses," said the one.第一个说：“我要漂亮的衣裳。”"Pearls and jewels," said the other.第二个叫道：“我要珍珠和钻石。”"And you, Cinderella," he said, "what do you want?"他又对自己的女儿说：“孩子，你想要什么?”"Father, break off for me the first twig that brushes against your hat on your way home."灰姑娘说：“亲爱的爸爸，就把你回家路上碰着你帽子的第一根树枝折给我吧。”So he bought beautiful dresses, pearls, and jewels for his two stepdaughters. On his way home, as he was riding through a green thicket, a hazel twig brushed against him and knocked off his hat. Then he broke off the twig and took it with him. Arriving home, he gave his stepdaughters the things that they had asked for, and he gave Cinderella the twig from the hazel bush.父亲回来时，他为前两个女儿带回了她们想要的漂亮衣服和珍珠钻石。在路上，他穿过一片浓密的矮树林时，有一根榛树枝条碰着了他，几乎把他的帽子都要扫下来了，所以他把这根树枝折下来带上了。回到家里时， 他把树枝给了他女儿。Cinderella thanked him, went to her mother's grave, and planted the branch on it, and she wept so much that her tears fell upon it and watered it. It grew and became a beautiful tree.Cinderella went to this tree three times every day, and beneath it she wept and prayed.她拿着树枝来到母亲的坟前，将它栽到了坟边。她每天都要到坟边哭三次，每次伤心地哭泣时，泪水就会不断地滴落在树枝上，浇灌着它，使树枝很快长成了一棵漂亮的大树。A white bird came to the tree every time, and whenever she expressed a wish, the bird would throw down to her what she had wished for.不久，有一只小鸟来树上筑巢，她与小鸟交谈起来。后来她想要什么，小鸟都会给她带来。为什么好马不吃回头草？ 后面的草全吃没了Why do the good horse refused to back the grass? Eat all the grass behind it 为什么大雁秋天要飞到南方去？ 如果走就太慢了Why geese autumn to fly to south to? If go you is too slow怎样使麻雀安静下来？答案：压它一下。 原因：鸦雀无声（压雀无声）How to make a sparrow quiet?Pressure him, because in perfect silence 祝你学习进步！望采纳！谢谢

1 .Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.我的狗不识字布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 2.Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 3. The Perfect Son. A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday. 完美儿子 A:我有一个很完美的儿子. B:他抽烟吗? A:不抽. B:他喝威士忌酒吗? A:不喝. B:他会不会很晚回家? A:不会. B:我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了? A:下个星期三就满6个月了 4. Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ 5. 女：Say"I love you" say it Come on! say it! 男：it 6.(一个中国人踩到了老外的脚。。。) A I'm sorry. B:Oh，i‘m sorry too A:I'm sorry three. B:what are you sorry for? A:i'm sorry five.

The Heaven and the HellBill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory(炼狱) , being sized up by God. Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly(可怕的，惨白的) Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before, in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?" God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly,if it will help your decision."Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God. "If this is Hell, I really want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing(迷人的) as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.

Dead Kitty Once there was a man named Jim, who let his dog out to relieve himself late one night. He watched some TV, and then remembered to let the dog back in. When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead! "Bad dog! BAD DOG!", said the panicked man. He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself to tell his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbour's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt. It took him forever. He had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed it's beautiful white fur as he blow dried it, and put it's collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard, and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door. The next day, he was on his way to the car to go to work and his neighbor was outside. "Hi," he said. "Hi," replied Jim, nervously. His neighbor said, "something weird happened last night." "Oh yeah? What's that," asked Jim, sweating now. "Well, my cat died yesterday, and we buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!"