肥仔美金
第一段Economy is considered as an important criterion to a country’s success. But others think there are still other factors that can measure a country’s success.【这句话里有两个other，下一句又有other，读起来重复，可以改一下。】 What do you think are other factors? Which is more important than economy?【我觉得what 比 which 好。。】第二段 Some economy experts（写成 economists 也可以）contend that economy is considered as a crucial aspect to determine country’s success.whether a country’s success【我认为应该是：whether a country is sussess】which factor is 【这里应该有个 the (最高级，楼主忘了吧)】most important. as a significant factors 【factor 没有s，单数形式】it is no denying 【应该是there is no denying,我不知道it is 可不可以】第三段：one of the factors to 【不需要to，influence a country's success作定语修饰factors 省略 that】influence country’s success.increase the country’s economy 【promote(促进)比increase(增加)好一点】第四段：that most people will prefer to consider 【删掉will，不用，多余而且不通顺】persuade the congress…… 【应该是persuading,作主语，用动名词形式】个人认为，楼主一些词使用的频率有点高了，比如consider……可以换其他词代替，a country's success 也可以用it 代替。有不对或有疑问的的地方，楼主一定要指出来，谢谢啦O(∩_∩)O，我们一起进步！2009.11.12 20:07真抱歉！昨天没有看到你的消息。。对不起。。我漏看前面的 Obama 啦。是的是的，不应该改，应该加个ed 吧~~
小馋猫儿richard
It the widely using of robots will bring our human beings danger,【这句话不对，是想用it引导主语么？是要做陈述还是提出疑问？有三种表达，(⊙o⊙)哦,根据后面的意思，(我觉得你是想说：机器人的广泛应用会给人类带来危险么？因为使用了will)就是第三种】：1.It is the widely use of robots that bring our human beings danger.(It is 强调) 2.Is it the widely use of robots bring our human beings danger ？ 3.Is the widely use of robots will bring our human beings danger? 【用use就行，use有名词的意思】use your own view and thoughts on it【on it 可以删掉】The issue of whether or not widely using of robots has a positive influence to society has been hotly disputed in public【whether的用法不对（建议专门看下语法书讲whether的），应该这样说：whether the widely use of robots has a positive infuence on society（have an influence on 是固定搭配，不用to）】bring plenty of benefit for society【bring...to...(给/为...带来...)】present my own view about this phenomenon. 【view on sth 】The advocates of widely using of robots hold a strange belief 【of widely...robots删掉，支持者就可以了，读者可以看懂】some danger works, 【dangerous 是形容词，danger是名词，work不可数名词：some dangerous work】which strengthen the security rate【strengthen的意思是加强，而这里说的是安全率，应该用提高：increase，raised...或是说ensure the safety of workers...】Hence, it can be concluded that robots provide a lot of advantages for the society. 【这句话表明，The advocates 的观点是正确的，本段开头就不应该用strange来评价他们的观点 ，另外我觉得可以改成：we can get the conclude that... it can be 用的有点频繁了，多变换句式增强文章的可读性。】negative effects for society【effects on sth 固定搭配】The reason is that some manual workers【用because就可以了，这个这个，感觉你的文章。。有点僵硬，模式化了，哎，写出漂亮文章的确很难啊，我也探索ing...与君共勉！】The fact that handcraft is one of the traditional culture, which can represent the history of country, has been underestimated in public.【我的修改是，the fact that handcraft,as one form of expression of the traditional culture,represents the history of a country,has been underestimated by public.】its still make a lot of demerits, which may lead our life become more detrimental【1.it still make... 2.我的修改：which may threat the healthy development of our society.】一些词:widely ,lead,suppose,view,demerit……还有一些句式 xxx is that xxx ,the fact that ……频繁出现，就是那种这句出现了，下句马上又出现了的，这种不好，不是说不能用个第二次。还有就是介词的使用，固定搭配什么的，应该加强一下。有不对的地方，楼主指出来啊~~~
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