于海丽888
有不少：英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年轻者” 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话， 千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。” 英语笑话（八）Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？” 英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." 医生住在楼下 “医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。 “我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。” 他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。” 英语笑话（十）One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!" 只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
小黑妈跃跃
A Piece Of Cake 小菜一碟 I knew little about English when I first came to America, so everyday I went to a language school to learn English. One day during the break I asked one of my classmates a question which I didn't understand. Then I thanked her for it , and she said: "You are welcome! It's a piece of cake!" I thought to myself: America is really a society for money in which everything is done for pay, so I asked her: "I hadn't taken any pieces of cake with me today, what about a piece of biscuit?" She showed a puzzled expression first, then she smiled, Knowing that she hadn't got her words accoss，she said, "A piece of cake means 'No problem', and it's just a raffle thing." On hearing that, I came to learn that a piece of cake not only means a piece of cake, but also means things that is very easy. 我刚到美国时,不太懂英语.于是我每天都到一所语言学校去学英语.一天在课间的时候,有个问题我不太懂,于是就问我的一个同学.她告诉了我答案,我向她道谢,她回道:"没关系!It's a piece of cake!"我心里在想,美国真的是一个金钱社会,做什么事情要都报酬.于是我说:"我今天没有带蛋糕,来片饼干行么?" 听到我的回答,她看起来很迷惑,然后她笑了,明白我没有听懂她的话.她说:" A piece of cake的意思是'没关系',这只是一件小事情."听到她的话,我明白了,a piece of cake 不仅是一小块蛋糕,还指的是一件很容易做的事情.随便在网上搜一下“英语俚语故事”就会发现一大把有关英语的趣事，篇幅不长，也简单
睡不死也睡
丰富多采的暑假生活快要结束了。暑假中的趣事让我数不胜数，暑假中的收获更是多多。下面是我给大家精心挑选的暑假里的趣事英语作文，希望大家喜欢!供你参考和阅读!
Getting up in the morning, I planned to go to the forest park to dig the earth.
After breakfast action immediately, to dig soil was throwing stones to the small river bank, haven't so playing for a long time, make good arm ache, Lin Lin is full hand covered in mud. Because she was going home to change the soil, she gave her to her grandparents. In the afternoon, I was planning to take linlin to the dekies for a visit. Ask only to know to eat and run to play again. At dinner, linlin didn't perform well and was "beaten" by her father, but she was too embarrassed to be taken care of.
And grandma left right sentence said, why the children can play, kids can't play it sounds let a person feel funny and helpless. When I came out from my grandparents' house, I asked linlin if she knew she had made a mistake. She cried. I asked her why she said, "I'll say," the little thing, but I knew she was embarrassed to say that. Saying that is equal to the positive admitting that you are wrong.
What's the end of this summer? I haven't had enough!
A few days before the holiday, the students were still talking about what to do and how to spend the summer vacation. Some want to travel, some want to go back to their hometown, some want to go to summer camp, everyone is carefully weaving their own summer dream. My wish is to take advantage of the summer vacation to visit Tibet, to see the buddhist shrines in our country, and then climb mount Everest. After the tour, go to the book building to read a book, go shopping, relax, after all, think about a meaningful summer vacation.
Time is slipping away like water. In August, the 5th, 6th and 7th... Look, it's 19 today. I haven't finished my homework yet.
Ben wants to go swimming every night. All my dreams have vanished over time. Instead of going out for fun, they feel more stressed. My parents gave me an English training class, an Olympic class, etc. I was so tired that I could not breathe. But I'm ok. There are other students who are worse than me. Some attend classes almost every day, as early as normal classes to study. Some of them can't come out all day long. Some in addition to the summer vacation homework, mom and dad back to him in addition to add a lot of homework, for example, back to the tang dynasty, memorizing words, write a diary, writing a composition, practising calligraphy, Musical Instruments and so on. It seems everyone is the same.
I hope to have a good summer vacation. When I was 5 or 6, my parents took me to Qingdao, Beijing, zhuhai and so on. But during the summer vacation, I can only hold my homework, homework and homework.
I can't finish my homework, I can't memorize all the words, I can't do it, I can't, who let us be born in this time! The competition between my classmates is fierce, and you can't be too slow in learning to catch me. Everyone is secretly studying.
The period can hardly see the shadow of the classmate, only those 3, 4 year old children are playing, they are very good! No pressure, no freedom. They were playing in the garden, laughing and laughing, and the laughter of laughter broke through the window, and it tickled the heart.
It is the child's nature, we are like birds, we are free to fly in our own sky. Teacher, the parents, why want to deprive us of the right to play! Why put the shackles of The Times on our necks? Don't lock us in the cage!
The whole society calls out loudly: give us a happy summer vacation!
The hot summer holiday is coming. The best sport is swimming now. My mother and I immediately went to the gym.
Looking forward to the day of swimming, we did the warm-up first, and then, like a flock of ducklings, we stormed the water. Wow, the water is so cool! I didn't know anything about swimming, and I began to learn how to look at other partners.
"Poof!" I drink a lot of saliva in succession, the nose is also sour, I angrily think: hum, have what great, is not to change gas? Still trying to catch miss Ben?
With that in mind, I learned to breathe and started sliding. Gliding is very important in swimming, it can make you swim easily and swim fast. I'm afraid to slide out, facing up to one meter and twenty centimeters of water. So deep water, it's no laughing matter! The coach met and said calmly to me, "overcome the psychological barrier and move forward boldly."
I heard it, and I learned it bravely, and he taught me how to kick my legs, and I made a lot of progress, which made the coach very happy.
After 10 days of practice, I finally mastered the breaststroke skills. This is the result of my 10 days of excitement.
The time went by fast, and the 14 days passed, and I learned a variety of swimming positions, too. It was a really happy summer vacation
|烟、易戒
读英语，突然发现一个有趣现象：clever 聪明的 honest 诚实的 intelligent 智慧的 noble 高贵的 excellent 卓越的 smart 机灵的 elegant 优雅的 把这些英文字头放一起就是Chinese--中国 junk垃圾； adult色鬼； prostitute婊子； ass蠢驴； nasty下流； evil魔鬼； scamp流氓； excrement臭狗屎 把这些英文字头放一起就是japanese--日本人 ！
方吉咕咕咕
我在前面的文章提到过，我平时喜欢听音乐，因为听音乐能让我放松，从而提高效率。这是我在初中有了人生第一台复读机之后发现的事情，从那以后就开始喜欢边听歌边写作业了。以前从来不觉得这有任何问题，也从来没有问过自己为什么。所以在初中和高中的老师们不让我们在自习期间戴耳机的时候，我特别地不理解。虽然被明令禁止，但我还是由着自己的性子来。这中间被老师抓过几次，但神奇的是从来没有被没收过机器，于是也就不再害怕这项规定了。久而久之，在学校胆子也变得越来越大，导致后来高三的时候经常逃掉英语课去图书馆自习。也许当时的英语老师知道高三的我们又叛逆心理压力又大，也就一直都没有管我。我一直洋洋自得，却不知道不学习英语最终会让我付出代价。 话说回来，高中的时候真的特别不喜欢英语课，因为觉得和初中时候的英语课一比简直弱爆了。初中的英语课都是小班教学，比较注重口语的训练，还经常演情景剧，练对话等等，特别有意思。而高中就是背单词，背词组，记语法，非常无聊。于是高中英语课经常偷懒，作业只做阅读题之前的部分（高中英语老师不检查作业），课上也经常写其它作业，然后到了高三就干脆直接翘课了。现在想起来觉得特别后悔，不仅不尊重老师，也让自己的英语水平停滞不前。可惜的是后面到了大学还是一样地不认真上英语课，蒙混过关。我几乎是靠着初中的那点英语基础混过了高考和四六级，直到考托福的时候终于遇到了挫折。不过也正是因为挫折，开启了我自学的道路。 考托福之前，我并没有去上任何课程，全程自学。第一次考试，只考了80分。要知道那个时候总分120，而如果没上100就得重考。于是我考了第二次，96分，虽然进步了许多，但仍然没有过100分。后来又去考了第三次，这一次终于上了100分，而且还考了个110。每一次考试我都有努力准备，但前两次真的是基础太差，而且可能准备的时间并不够。但每一次都能提高十几分，说明每一次的用心准备都能让自己上升一个level。从这个时候开始，我慢慢地喜欢上了自学，因为我发现自己学习可以自己掌控节奏，不用浪费时间去重复已经掌握的知识，也可以花足够多的时间去学习不太容易理解的内容。 后来自学成了我生活中非常重要的一个环节，不管是读研究生期间还是开始工作之后。它不仅帮我拿到了dream company的offer，还让我接触到了更多感兴趣的领域，打开了新世界的大门。这些等以后有机会了再聊。
