英文笑话长篇

民间笑话故事像神话小说等民间文学一样，是广大劳动人民在长期的生产劳动和与自然界作斗争的过程中，以口头形式创作和传承的文学体裁。我精心收集了较长的英语笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

一个男人在热气球上，发现自己迷失了方向。他下降高度，下方有一个妇女。他又下降了一点，大声呼喊,"打扰下，你能帮个忙吗，一个小时以前我答应了一个朋友要和他见面，但现在我不知道我身处何地。”

妇女在下面回答，“你在一个热气球里，大约离地面三十英尺。你在北纬40-41度之间，西经59-60度之间。”

“你必定是个工程设计师，”气球上的男人说。

“我是，”女人回答。“你是怎么知道的?”

“是这样，”气球上的男人说“你告诉我的事在技术上都是正确的，但是我无法理解你的看法，事实是我依旧迷失。坦白说，到目前为止你没帮上我多少。”

下面的妇女回应道，“你一定是在管理部门工作。”

“我是，”气球上的男人回答，“这你是怎么知道的?”

“是啊，”妇女说，“你总是不知道你在哪里，也不知道你要去哪里。你的上升，是由于大量的热气。你对别人许下的承诺，你不知道如何履行，而且你还期望在你下面的人会解决你的问题。事实就是在我们见面之前，我们都在完全相同的立场上，可现在，不知怎么地，却成了我的错了。”

Dick was seven years old,and his sister,Catherine,was five.One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour,and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen.She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him,"Now here's a knife,Dick.Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister,but remember to do it like a gentleman."

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked."How do gentlemen do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

"Oh" said Dick.He thought about this for a few seconds.Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half,Catherine.".

迪克年龄七岁,他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁.一天,妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩,自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服.

孩子们玩了个把小时,在四点半的时候,姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房.她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子,并对他说：“喏,迪克,给你刀子,把这块蛋糕一切为二,给你妹妹一块.不过,你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样.”

迪克问：“像一个绅士?绅士怎样做呢?”

他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的.”

迪克说了一声“噢”.他对此想了一会,然后,他把蛋糕拿给妹妹,并对她说：“凯瑟琳,你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧.”

I work for 7up"!

我可是在七喜公司工作呀

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies.The nurse comes up to the first man and says,"Congratulations,you got twins." The man said "How strange,I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says,"Congratulations,you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm,strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally,the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations,you got twins x2." Man is happy and says,"Ironic,I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place,cursing God and banging his head on the wall.They asked him what's wrong and he answered,"What's wrong?I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

人活着，不能缺少快乐，笑话则是寻找快乐的良方。我整理了较长的英语笑话故事，欢迎阅读!

The lawyer approached the jury box and began an eloquent plea for her client:"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I want to tell you about this man. There's so much to say that is good: he never beat his wife; he was always kind to little children; he never did a dishonest thing in his life; he has always lived by the golden rule; he is a model of everything decent, forthright, and honest. Everyone loves him and. . . "Her client leaned over to a friend and said, "How do like that? I pay her good money to defend me, and she's telling the jury about some other guy.

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party."What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked."Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?"The minister replied "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."

The local game warden in a small town in Oregon had arrested a man for killing and eating an Egret.

The man went before a judge to plead his case. After pleading guilty, but with an explanation, the judge asked him why he did it.

"I was just trying to feed my hungry family," he told the judge, "and I've never done anything like that before."

The judge, being a family man himself, had a soft heart and agreed to let the man go free, since he was only trying to feed his starving family and it was his first and only offense.

"Before you go, though, I want to ask you a question," the judge quipped, "What does Egret taste like?"

"Well your Honor," the man told him, "It's not as tender as Spotted Owl, but it's much better than bloody Bald Eagles!"

For three straight years, a young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at the same country inn, several times per year. During his last visit he'd finally managed to seducethe innkeeper's gorgeous daughter, so he could wait to go there again.

Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about us and that I was pregnant, we sat up all night talking and talking and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

英语长篇笑话故事（通用7篇）

故事是一种文体，它是通过叙述的方式讲一个带有寓意的事件，那你知道关于讲述“笑话故事”有哪些吗？下面是我为大家整理的英语长篇笑话故事，仅供参考，欢迎大家阅读。

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?

一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?

A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"

The oldest son replied: "Father, Ill eat it all!"

The father then said: "Tomorrow Im going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"

The same son answered: "Father,Ill eat it all!"

The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"

The oldest son answered again: "Its always me, always me. Now its someone elses turn to volunteer!"

总是我

一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢?”

大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”

父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢?”

又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”

父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢?”

大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”

Good news: Two boys went out climbing trees.好消息：两名男童出去爬树。

Bad news: wone of them fell out.坏消息：其中有一人摔下来了。

Good news: There was a hammockbeneathhim.好消息：他下面有一个吊床。

Bad news: There was a rakebeside the hammock.坏消息：吊床旁边有一个耙子。

Good news: He missed the rake.好消息：他和耙子擦肩而过。

Bad news: He missed the hammock too !坏消息：他也和吊床擦肩而过！

The squad（班，小队） were having "visual training". One smart recruit（新兵，招募） was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so faraway（遥远的，恍惚的） that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly（迅速地） the recruit replied：

"Sixteen men and a sergeant（中士，军士） , sir."

"Right, but how do you know there's a sergeant there?"

"He's not doing any digging, sir."

班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫地回答。

“十六个兵外加一个中士，长官。”

“正确，可是你怎么知道那儿有一个中士？”

“他不干活，长官。”

不必再看眼科医生了

It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.

我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。

The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,

在我去见医生的前一天，我的.情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.

"That does it,”she said.“I'm canceling your appointment."

她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”

After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west's dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.

我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后，我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的林荫大过引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘩，连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的老家来看我们，我问他们对旅途的感受。

What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."

我父亲抱怨着:“枯澡，乏味，一进入密西根，除了树什么都没有。”

The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

小女孩坐在祖父的膝上读故事。她时不时的从书上转移视线抬起头来碰到他褶皱的脸。随后她摸摸自己的脸颊又回去摸摸祖父的。

Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"

最后她问：“爷爷，是上帝创造的你吗？”

"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

“是啊，甜心。”他回答道：“上帝很久前创造出了我。”

"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"

“喔。”她回答。接着又问道：“爷爷，上帝也创造了我吗？”

"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."

“是啊，当然了宝贝。”他向她保证：“上帝只是不久前创造的你。”

"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"

“喔。”她回答。又分别感受了两人的脸颊，边观察边说：“上帝的技术越来越好了，是不？”