ybxiong168
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?太子丹晕倒荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now! （本文来自天空剧本网）太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш （《大话西游》主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》） 荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:"I promise."荆轲:"Never let go. “ 妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng. -fin-【中票在线 为您解答。官方订票网址为：更多可点击：关注中票在线，了解最新的演出资讯！欢迎在微信添加好友里搜索：chinaticketvip ，加中票在线为微信好友。期待你的关注^^】
阳澄湖边
守株待兔（英语短剧） 剧本你可以自己调节角色~[开始。树）上台安静地屹立到舞台较后方。导演（范冰）走到台前]导演：Action！[跑下台][农夫冷酷地上。]农夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]A modern farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，回头生气地踢了下绊自己的石头，继续保持冷酷]When I was yong,I studied in Nan~tong Middle School[掏出胸卡骄傲地展示给观众看，收起]！So I’m rich now！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！This is my modern mobile——Motorola WC 250！This is my Swatch!This my MP3!This is my shoes——ADI~DAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry. And look at this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do U know what’s this？痒痒挠？No no no~~It’s my modern——锄头~！！[看下表]It’s time to do some farming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作，锄了两下，突然] Oh yes!I think farming should be combined with music![掏出MP3戴上，开始很有激情地边锄地边唱]Farming farming,I’m farming!Farming should be combined with music~!Farming farming,I’m farming!Farming will be funny and easy~![边唱边锄边慢慢下台，把没用的道具拿走，把有用的道具准备在口袋里] [树走上前台]树：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，边做边唱：哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鹅]I’m tall!And I’m Strong!IF you hit me,you will 挂掉！Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台][兔子A上]兔子A（一开始不知道状况。以为自己扮演周杰伦，所以很热情地上场跟观众打招呼）：Hey everybody,I’m Jay!I love U!I love Nantong![展示新专辑《十一月的肖邦》]Now let me sing one of my new songs to U！The name of the song is 《发如雪》！[清清嗓子正要唱，这时候导演（范冰）上]导演：[拿手中纸筒狠狠打了下兔子A的头]What are U doing?! Now U are a rabbit,understand?![兔子A：Sorry sorry sorry] [导演边说边夺过《十一月的肖邦》。导演下台之前，看了下《十》] What’s this?[看了看，惊喜地]Oh!It’s mine！（很兴奋地拿着下场）兔子A：OK,now I’m a rabbit. I just had my breakfast. Now I’m just walking around here. I think walking after meals is good for my health. [在场上转圈，悠闲散步][农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走][农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]兔子A：Wahhhh~!（吓一跳）What’s this！农夫：Hnnnn…！I will kill U for lunch!兔子A：But your gun… [帮农夫把枪头调转过来（农夫一开始把枪对着自己）]农夫：Thank you!兔子A：My pleasure. （突然想起来农夫要杀自己） Wah~~~~~~ [兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前]农夫：Where~ to go? Haha![农夫开了一枪“砰”。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。 农夫又开枪，同上。 农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。]兔子A[自我陶醉中，边跳边说]You didn’t hurt me! You didn’t hurt me！树：[痛苦万分地]But…U…Hurt me….[痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后][兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看着它。 兔子猛然抬头发现]农夫：Ah ha~! Bye bye ! [举枪对准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来]兔子A：Ha ha ha ha! You can’t kill me now！ [兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树] Wa ！[兔子晕两下~~ “我倒！” 倒地]农夫：OH! [很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]My lunch , I caught you !!! [想一下] But I’m still full now.Let me tie it to the tree and have a sleep.I will eat it after sleeping.[把兔子绑到树上。倒地睡到树旁边]……兔子A：[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，很惊讶]Where am I? What happened?树：[指着农夫]He caught you and wanted to eat you.兔子A：What?! I must leave here! But how can I escape？[东张西望，看到农夫的手机][兔子不知不觉地把树杈移开，走到手机前看了看]咦？What’s this？[捡起来看]Oh,a mobile.[再看]It’s beautiful.[放回原处。 又自觉地把自己绑在树上。 突然想起来]A mobile！Maybe I can call some one to help me！ [又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手机] But how to use it？？？树：[走上前]Let me tell U.Look,press this button![给兔子]兔子A：Oh I see. [做出打电话的样子] 喂？李咏：[上台，激情澎湃地] Hello！This is lucky fifty-two！[做出幸运52的手势]I’m Liyong！Now let’s start our first question！What’s the most probable relation between 康熙 and 雍正？ A. Husband and wife B.Teacher and student C.Waiter and costomer Answer me,please!兔子A：（很冷漠地）Sorry， wrong number.[挂掉]李咏：Answer me!Answer me! En..?喂？喂喂？[很郁闷地下台]兔子A：Now let me call again.[拨打] 喂？兔子B：喂？兔子A：Hey Jackey！兔子B：Hey tommy!兔子A：How are you doing?兔子B：Fine,thank you.And U?兔子A：I’m fine too!How are your parents doing?兔子B：They are fine,thank you.And U?兔子A：They are fine,too!How is your uncle doing?兔子B：He’s fine,thank you!And U?兔子A：He’s fine , too!兔子B：But why do you call me? If you want borrow some money from me…NO WAY!!!兔子A：No no no!I’m in danger now!Come and help me!!!兔子B：But where are you?兔子A：I’m under a tree!兔子B：[边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个人还没发现]What can you see around you?兔子A：I see a rabbit ,rather like you!兔子B：A rabbit…rather like me… OK! I’ll soon come!Wait for me! I will help you! [匆匆离开][兔子A 打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，还很有礼貌地说了句“Thank you.” 然后又很自觉地把自己绑回了树上]兔子A：Hahaha!My friend will come and save me,yeah! [兴奋过度，后仰，头又撞倒树上，昏眩中…“我晕！” 又晕了][兔子B上。]兔子B：I’m also rabbit！I’m clever! I’m brave ! And I’m strong! [展示肌肉] OH！My friend is here!Let me help him out! [费力地想把树枝（双臂）挪开，使了几次劲，还是不行] It’s too tight! I must think of a good way! [看到农夫扔掉的痒痒挠] Let’s see,what’s this！A 锄头！[装作打高尔夫球，试了试锄头手感]Oh,it’s nice.[走到树面前，正要砍]树：Stop！！！What will you do?兔子B：I will cut you down to save my friend.树：O. [突然醒悟] What?! Cut me down?! Teachers told us that we should protect the environment! Understand?!兔子B：Oh yes！You are right! [扔掉锄头] I have to think of another idea! [想了想] Oh!![灵感突来][看了看手表] Oh it’s time to do morning exercise ！Come on! [开始带头做早操。做着做着对树说“Follow me！” （企图让树动起来，两只手松开，这样就可以救出兔子A）树也开始跟着做起早操。 兔子B轻轻上前，想救出兔子A。但是树的广播操动作恰好都是会挡住营救的。兔子B狂汗… -_-b 广播操毕。树继续绑着兔子A]兔子B：Why?! Maybe I need another idea. Oh!I’v got it！Music！ [音响放起泰坦尼克号主题曲高潮前奏。 兔子B抱住树，企图引导树像女主角一样张开双臂，放出兔子A。树渐渐陶醉，手缓缓松开。兔子B正要搭救同伴，突然兔子A两只手张开，成了女主角动作。树又抱住了兔子A的腰，成了男主角动作。树和A陶醉其中。B要唤醒A：“Wake up!Wake up!”兔子A沉醉其中，完全不理它，还用脚踹走要救它的B：“Don’t disturb me！”继续陶醉。]兔子B：（无奈ing…）Stop！！！（音乐停） （沮丧）I can’t save my friend…[掏出纸巾想要擦汗，带出10块钱，掉在地上]树：Money！[一个箭步冲上去捡起钱，回到原位并且对着太阳验钞。]兔子A：[看四周] I’m free!!!Oh yes,I’m free!Thank you,Jackey! [慢动作深情扑向兔子B] Jackey~~~~ [突然兔子B低头系鞋带。兔子A控制不住一下子撞在树上，晕两下说：“暴头！”死翘。] [兔子B见状冲上去，深情地搂住A：“Tommy!Tommy！”[伤心地俯下身子，紧紧抱住A][这时睡觉中的农夫突然一个翻身，又把B压在了下面]兔子B：I…can’t….breath……I’m dying!!!! [也翘了]农夫：[农夫这时候醒了。擦了下口水，看见两只兔子] En..?Two rubbits! I rememer I have caught just one?! Oh,maybe I drank too much.[兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下场]树：[还在验钞的树正在高兴，突然发现是假钞]A！It’s a fake！Wait for me！[追下去]
茉莉芬芳2008
勇敢的小红帽Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）Little Red Riding Hood：(拿着双节棍，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.L：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!M：（亲切地看着L）Be careful.and……if you are ever in trouble,don’t fight,just run , just run away.L： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.(M下, L挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)L： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子摩拳擦掌地采花）I’ll pick some flowers！Wolf：（Wolf大步地走上台）I am gray wolf. I am so hungry. (东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood!Rad wolf： I am rad wolf.（指着W）he is my huaband,a foolish wolf.（叉腰出现在身后）have you got any food?W：（一惊，转身，谄媚地弯腰笑着）darling,i……R：I don’t need any explanation! I don’t want to eat vegetables any more!You must get some meat now! now!W：（抱头）yes darling!i will!（来到舞台中央，对L）Hi! Lovely girl!Where are you going? (狡猾的和L打招呼)L：who……oh!(警觉的退后）you are that bad grey wolf!aren’t you?W(吃惊)：how do you know?L：Because you looks so ugly and your prologs are very old. My mum has told me many stories about wolves.you are silly and bad……you can’t trick me!W：（晕倒状，扶额无语）e…….L：(上下指指点点)：look at your dirty clothes and messy hair,no no no……how shameless!W：（低头看自己，一脸委屈）I don’t have money to buy new shoes or clothes or mirror……（转头看一眼R）all my monry have given my wife……R：（声音从后边传来）what did you say?——say again!W：nothing! Darling! i said nothing I sware!R：you’d bett be quick!i’m hungry!W：ok ok!（看着L，舔嘴角，恶狠狠）now,I can eat you!L：（摆出拳击手势，对W勾勾手指）you may try if you want to die ! i will let you know the meaning of ‘regret’ !W：（退后两步，犹豫）why?shi isn’t like that fool Little Red Riding Hood in story that my grandpa told me……what should I do?R：(上台，对W)where is my food?W：（指L）here shi is.R：why don’t you catch her?W：（结结巴巴）d d d darling,i……（哼哼唧唧）L：（突然想起，一拍脑袋）oh!my mum told me not to fight,I must run away immediately.（俯身偷偷看了一眼W，蹑手蹑脚地慢慢走开）R：（生气，揪住W耳朵大吼）stupid ！you are a wolf and she is only a little girl !W：（反应过来）yes! I am a strong wolf !（看到L要逃，指着她大喊）hey ! stop !(追上去)（R 挥舞平底锅加油，W追L，两人在台上跑）R：come on ! come on ! good ! catch her !（最终W捉住L）W：（得意洋洋）Aha! I catch you!（对R）darling,we will have meat to eat this evening!R：yes ! I can’t wait to have dinner! Dear, let’go home now!M：（从后台走上）Little Red Riding Hood?my dear? Where are you?L：（大喊）mum mum! I am here !M：（看见，吃了一惊）：grey wolf?oh no! let my daughter go !W：（哈哈大笑）you are day dreaming!i am a wolf !A evil wolf! I must eat her as my dinner!M：（沉重地）yes I know,you are a wolf.but listen,Mr.wolf,you’d better let her go,or you will have bad luck,you may be hurt……it’s my advise.（L从篮子里抽出双节棍，追着W一阵痛打，W抱头痛的满台跑）R：（追上W）dear! What happened ! are you ok?……dear!……（L,M,R跑下台）M：（惋惜、同情地）Mr.wolf,you see,I have told you but you didn’t follow my words……（后台W的声音遥遥传来：we will go back again!）（L蹦蹦跳跳上台）L：dear mum,the grey wolf has gone away!M：god to be thanked!L：not god helps me,I can save myself ! mum ,I am clever and strong!M：you are right , my dear!you did a good job!（《健康歌》，L和M来到中央跳舞）L：we should do exercise everyday and be stronger,at that time ,no wolf can hurt us!mum ,let’s go to see my grandma!（W,R搀扶着上台，L看见了，W,R急忙要走）L：hey! Stop!(追下台)M：dear!dear! where you go ?……drea!(亦下台)
优质英语培训问答知识库
