我是睡觉大王
趣味英语打油诗——WOMENIf you kiss her, you are not a gentleman If you don't, you are not a man If you praise her, she thinks you are lying If you don't, you are good for nothing If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing If you don't, you are not understanding If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man' If you don't you are half a man If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy If you don't, you are a dull boy If you are jealous, she says it's bad If you don't , she thinks you do not love her If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her If you don't, she thinks you do not like her If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait If she is late, she says that's a girl's way If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls' If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring If you talk, she wants you to listen If you listen, she wants you to talk Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN' So simple, yet so complex So weak, yet so powerful So confusing, yet so desirable "O LORD, tell me what to do. AMEN"
和平海棠
There once was an old man of Esser, Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser, It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And now he's a college professor. There once was a lady, Ilene, Who liver on distilled kerosene, But she started absorbin' A new hydrocarbon and since then she'd never benzene There once was a lady from Hyde, Who ate a green apple and died, While her lover lamented, The apple fermented, and made cider inside her inside. There was a young lady one fall Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball. The dress caught fire And burned her entire Front page, sporting section and all. There was an old man of Philly, Who was hooked on the movie Free Willy. He quit his job at the jail, for a dolphin and whale, And so was the life of Wee Willy. A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud Who was frightened and screamed very loud Then a happy thought hit her To scare off the critter She sat up in bed and just meowed There once was a old man from Norway - who cussed as he sat in a doorway- the door smacked him flat- and he yelled "what was that"? that disgruntled old man from Norway! There was a fat turkey named Sam, Who gobbled whenever he ran. He came out of the bush, Presenting his tush, And was shot up the arse by a man.
爱吃甜的小马
Love is beautiful and niceIn the old dark nightAlthough it mightbe always right.Beam under the moon light.
大猪头.
五行打油诗之二 There was a young lady of Niger Who smiled as she rode on a tiger; They returned from the ride With the lady inside, And the smile on the face of the tiger Why? Two tower五行打油诗之二 There was a young lady of Niger Who smiled as she rode on a tiger; They returned from the ride With the lady inside, And the smile on the face of the tiger Why? Two towers crashed down from the sky Causing innocent people to die Terror and war What is it for? I never will understand why A Limerick for Paul A middle aged man called Paul Said 'No' when his angel did call Please go away I want to stay I'm living and having a ball I know that I'll meet you one day But for now just please go away I'm writing a book If you want you can look Just go and let me have my say I'm good you can check with my wife But sometimews I find I'm in strife Don't pinch my car Or you won't get far And I'll make you pay with your life I don't want to meet the Grim Reaper But he seems to think he's my keeper Now's not my time I'm busy with rhyme He'll just have to dig that grave deeper Christine There once was a girl called Christine She smoked far too much nicotine She coughed and she spluttered The Doc came and muttered She has to go in quarantine Monique There once was a girl called Monique She had such a perfect physique Her bust is so round But mine can't be found Beside her I feel quite a freak Bertie and Gertie A couple called Bertie and Gertie Said life will begin when you're thirty You lose inhibition Try any position Enjoy getting flirty and dirty Ask Don't read your teenagers diary Life at home could become fiery It's an easier task More respectful to ask Just make a discreet enquiry There once was an old man of Esser, Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser, It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And now he's a college professor. There was a young lady one fall Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball. The dress caught fire And burned her entire Front page, sporting section and all. Let the heart soar freely in the sky. Get ready for the moment to strike. It is the day To fight with grace Give us the sword to win or die. There was a girl called Jane Eyre Sitting at night that dark as her hair Hard as she thought Forgot all had been taught She soon fell asleep in the armchair英语打油诗一般的Limerick采用AABBA的韵脚，即为第一、二和五句为相同韵脚，三四句采用相同韵脚。 A limerick is a five line verse with the rhyme scheme of aabba. The a-lines should have five feet, while the b-lines have only three feet.It is normally, but not always light or humorous.比如：There once was an old man of Esser,Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,It at last grew so smallHe knew nothing at all,And now he's a college professor.欣赏下面的五行诗A Day ChallengeYou take up the challenge to write,then stay up all day and all night.To think of a versecan be a real curse.You want all the words to be right.Don't worry if your words sound daft.Remember it's only a draftand then if you're wisenext month you'll reviseand wonder if others have laughed.You might have enough for a book.If you haven't, don't cry or sook.Sit down and write morethan you did before.When it's published I'll have a look.I wish you success with your dreams.It's easy if we work in teamsso all in due courselets give it more sauce.It isn't as tough as it seems.Kitchen CapersThere’s capers afoot in the kitchen.The cat is quite drunk and it’s twitchin’,It drank two pints of ale,Then lapped up a cocktail,Danced a jig then said, “It’s bewitchin’.”Why?Two towers crashed down from the skyCausing innocent people to dieTerror and warWhat is it for?I never will understand whyA Limerick for PaulA middle aged man called PaulSaid 'No' when his angel did callPlease go awayI want to stayI'm living and having a ballI know that I'll meet you one dayBut for now just please go awayI'm writing a bookIf you want you can lookJust go and let me have my sayI'm good you can check with my wifeBut sometimews I find I'm in strifeDon't pinch my carOr you won't get farAnd I'll make you pay with your lifeI don't want to meet the Grim ReaperBut he seems to think he's my keeperNow's not my timeI'm busy with rhymeHe'll just have to dig that grave deeperChristineThere once was a girl called ChristineShe smoked far too much nicotineShe coughed and she splutteredThe Doc came and mutteredShe has to go in quarantineMoniqueThere once was a girl called MoniqueShe had such a perfect physiqueHer bust is so roundBut mine can't be foundBeside her I feel quite a freakBertie and GertieA couple called Bertie and GertieSaid life will begin when you're thirtyYou lose inhibitionTry any positionEnjoy getting flirty and dirtyAskDon't read your teenagers diaryLife at home could become fieryIt's an easier taskMore respectful to askJust make a discreet enquiry
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