英语小幽默短文

1、幽默短文 Five Hundred Times 五百遍In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times." 在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。2、幽默小短文 I work for 7up"! 我可是在七喜公司工作呀Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!" 3、An Unforgettable ChallengeWhen I was ten years old, I began to chat with foreigners. But I was very shy. Gradually, I became more and more confident with foreigners’ help. The following year, I went to Yangzhou with two foreigners. I became their guide. First, we came into the Shouxi River. They wanted to look around the river by boat. I told them the price. Then we got into the boat. When we looked out at the sight, we all felt very beautiful. After that, they went to buy souvenirs. The sellers couldn’t speak English. Though it was very hard, I tried my best to listen to their words carefully and translate the sentences. They bought some souvenirs with my help. Next, we went to a small zoo, and we took some photos. There were not many animals. When we felt hungry, we went out and had lunch. After lunch, we visited some old houses. They learned more about Chinese history. This wasn’t only a big challenge but also an unforgettable challenge. This opportunity made me confident and brave. I hope I can catch many opportunities in the future, then I can speak English, because I think practice makes perfect.4、My Favourite SeasonThe climate in our country is very pleasant. It’s always warm in spring, hot in summer and cold in winter.My favourite season is autumn, because it’s always warm in September and October. It’s often cold in November. It’s certainly interesting. The other reason is the days are short and the nights are long. The sun rises late and sets early. I can do my favourite things in the evening.Autumn is a harvest season. I can make great progress in autumn. I like the golden season, and you?5、Go Out To TravelI went to three cities to play during last summer holidays. They are Beijing, Dalian and HuHehot. I went to Beijing more than eight times. Beijing is the capital of China. It’s a big city. I am very familiar with Beijing. It takes an hour and forty minutes from Nantong to Beijing by plane. There are many tall buildings in Beijing. It’s a modern city. My family visited the Great Wall, the Summer Palace, the Palace Museum, the Beihai Park, the Space Museum, etc. I went to the countryside of Beijing to go boating and fishing. It was very interesting. I went shopping in WangFuJing. I bought lots of souvenirs and other things. I like eating Beijing snacks. They are delicious. Don’t miss Beijing Duck. It is really nice. Dalian is a beautiful city. Dalian is close to Beijing. I spent 5o minutes on the plane. Dalian is near the sea. I smelled the salt in the air. The roads are clean. There are lots of trees and flowers near the roads. There are many esplanades and Japanese buildings. There are some fountains in one of the esplanades. Some people flew kites and walked on the esplanades. We went to see the beach and the sea. The sea is blue. There were many swimmers in the sea. I lay on the beach to see the sky. Dalian is a very nice place to live in. Huhehot is in Inner Mongol. There are lots of large grasslands. The grasslands are endless. The sky is bright blue. There were a lot of horses and sheep. They were running or eating grass. I rode a horse on the grassland. I picked some colourful flowers. We drank tea with milk. There is a small desert, it was very hot when I walked on it. The sand could sing. These trips helped me open my eyes. I enjoyed my day.

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?" or...Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days work" he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?" "Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence - - an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore." The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing, and hammering. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge -- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work handrails and all -- and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched. "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. "No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother. "I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more bridges to build."