豆哥豆爷
我觉得可以找《威尼斯商人》的某些经典桥段，简单，朗朗上口，适合你们的人数组成。而且你只需稍作修改，并不需要浪费很多时间去写剧本。这是中英字幕的视频网址附上剧本：The Merchant of Venice (II) 原文： The Merchant of Venice（II） PART 1 D: Have mercy on Antonio, Shylock. Do not be so bitter. S: I've promised to take my pound of flesh. If you do not let me have it, that will be a sign of weakness and no one will trust your laws any more. The greatness of Venice will soon be lost. Antonio is my enemy, and I hate him. B: Do all men kill the things they do not love? 译文： 第一部分 公爵：宽恕安东尼奥吧，夏洛克，别这样怀恨在心。 夏洛克：我说过一定要拿走我应得的那一磅肉。要是您不准许我得到它，那将是一种软弱的表现，人们将不再信你们的法律了。威尼斯不久就会丧失它的伟大。安东尼奥是我的敌人，我恨他。 巴萨尼奥：难道所有的人都要铲除他们所不爱的东西吗？ A: It is useless trying to argue with Shylock. Don't wait any longer. Pass judgement on me and give Shylock what he wants. B: I'll pay you six thousand ducats for the three thousand ducats that Antonio borrowed. S: If you offered me six times what you have just offered, I would still take my pound of flesh. Give me my pound of flesh! D: Let us be calm, gentlemen. Shylock, how can you hope for mercy yourself when you show none? S: I have done nothing wrong and I fear no judgement. I desire my pound of flesh. As the Duke is wondering what to do, Nerissa, dressed like a lawyer's clerk, arrives with a letter from the famous lawyer whom Portia has visited. While the Duke is talking to Nerissa, Shylock gets ready to cut his pound of flesh from Antonio. Then the letter is read out for all in the court to hear. "I am very ill. When your letter reached me, I had with me a .learned young doctor from Rome. I told him about the quarrel between Shylock and Antonio. We studied many lawbooks and he knows what I would say. I ask you to let him stand in my place and give judgement. He is young, but I never knew so young a body with so wise a head." After the letter has been read out to the court, Portia, in lawyer's clothes, enters the room and takes her seat as judge. 安东尼奥：跟夏洛克讲理是没有用的。别再等待了。对我宣判吧，把夏洛克想要得到的东西给他。 巴萨尼奥：我将付给你六千块钱，用来归还安东尼奥借的那三千块钱。 夏洛克：即使你愿意我六倍于你刚才提出的钱数，我仍然要拿我应得的那一磅肉。把那一磅肉判给我！ 公爵：先生们，请安静。夏洛克，如果你不宽恕别人，你自己怎能希望得到别人的宽恕呢？ 夏洛克：我并没有做错事，我不怕审判。我要求给我应得的那一磅肉。 正当公爵不知道应该怎么办的时候，尼莉莎打扮成一个律师的书记员，带着鲍西娅刚拜访过的那位著名的律师的一封信，来到法庭。当公爵与尼莉莎谈话时，夏洛克准备好要从安东尼奥身上割下他应得的一磅肉。 这时，当庭宣读了律师的信。"我重病缠身。收到你的信时，我正同一位从罗马来的很有学问的年轻博士在一起。我把夏洛克与安东尼奥之间的争执对他讲了。我们研究了很多法典，因此他知道我想要说的话。我请您让他替我作出判决。他很年轻，但是，我还从来不知道有这么年轻又这么聪明的人。" 这封信当庭宣读之后，鲍西娅穿着律师的衣服进屋来了。她作为法官就座了。 PART 2 D: Greetings, learned judge! I do not envy you your job. This is a most troublesome case. P: Greetings! Please be seated. Are you Antonio, and is this your agreement with Shylock? A: It is. P: Then Shylock must be merciful. He must have mercy on Antonio. S: Why must I have mercy on him? Tell me that! P: Mercy brings good. Mercy falls like the gentle rain from the sky upon the earth. It blesses those who give it, and those who receive it. We should learn to show mercy to others. Do you still ask for this pound of flesh? S: I ask for what is mine by law! B: I offer ten times the money that Antonio has borrowed. Please change the law a little so that we may save Antonio. P: Use your head a little, sir! We cannot change a law. If one law is changed, then people will later want to change other laws. S: Oh, wise young judge! P: Let me see this agreement, this promise of Antonio to you. S: Here it is. P: I see. According to the law, Shylock may have a pound of flesh to be cut off by him nearest to Antonio's heart. Be merciful! Let me destroy this paper.--No? Then, Antonio, be ready. And Shylock, take your knife and prepare to do the deed. 公爵；您好，博学的法官！我并不羡慕您的职业。这是一个最麻烦的案子。 鲍西娅：您好！请坐下。你叫安东尼奥吗？这是你与夏洛克签订的借约吗？ 安东尼奥；是的。 鲍西娅：那么，夏洛克可得大发慈悲才是。他可得宽恕安东尼奥啊。 夏洛克：为什么我必得宽恕他呢？请告诉我这一点！ 鲍西娅：慈悲带来益处。慈悲像甘露从天空中降到地面上，它不但赐福施予的人，而且赐福于受施的人。我们应该学会宽恕他人。你还要求得到这一磅肉吗？ 夏洛克：我要求得到根据法律属于我的东西。 巴萨尼奥：我愿出十倍于安东尼奥的借款，请您把法律稍为变更一下，使我们能够救出安东尼奥的生命。 鲍西娅：请用你的脑袋想一想，先生。我们不能变更法律，要是变更了一条法律，那么人们还会要变更别的法律的。 夏洛克：噢，聪明年轻的法官啊！ 鲍西娅；让我看一看借约，就是安东尼奥向你许下的诺言。 夏活克：给您。 鲍西娅：我明白了。根据法律，夏洛克可以得到一磅肉，由他从最靠近安东尼奥心脏的部位割下来。慈悲一点吧！让我撕毁这张借约吧。不能撕？那么，安东尼奥，你做好准备；夏洛克，拿起你的刀子准备割肉吧。 S: Oh, learned judge! Oh, wise young man! P: Have you brought anything to weigh the flesh? S: Yes. I have everything ready here. P: Do you have a doctor, Shylock, to stop Antonio's blood? B: That fox! P: Do you wish to say anything, Antonio? A: Only a little. Goodbye Bassanio. Don't be sad for me. Tell your wife about me and how much I loved you. If Shylock cuts deep enough, I'll pay him back with all my heart. B: Let me take you in my arms and say goodbye. I love you more than my own life, more than my wife, and more than all the world. (He cries.) P: Your wife would not be pleased to hear you say that. S: We are wasting time. P: Take your pound of flesh! I declare the court allows it and the law gives it to you. Shylock advances towards Antonio and prepares to use his knife. P: Wait! There is something else. Antonio has promised to give you a pound of his flesh. But he has not promised to give you any of his blood. If you let one drop of his blood fall, you will lose all your land and all your money. S: Is that the law? P: That is the law. You wanted justice, so you shall get justice, more than you wanted. : I will take the money. Give me three more than Antonio borrowed from me. 夏洛克；噢，博学的法官！噢，聪明的年轻人！ 鲍西娅：你带来了称肉的器具吗？ 夏洛克：是的。我把一切都准备好了。 鲍西娅：夏洛克，你是否请了医生来给安东尼奥止血呢？ 夏洛克：借约上可没有这一条。 巴萨尼奥：你这只狐狸！ 鲍西娅：安东尼奥，你还想说什么吗？ 安东尼奥：我只想说一点。巴萨尼奥，永别了。不要为我悲伤。把我的情况告诉你的妻子，对她说我多么爱你。要是夏洛克割得够深的话，我就要以整个心偿还他的债了。 巴萨尼奥：让我拥抱你一下，说声再见吧。我爱你胜过爱我自己的生命、自己的妻子和整个世界。（他哭了。） 鲍西娅：你的妻子听到你那么说是会不高兴的。 夏洛克：我们是在浪费时间。 鲍西娅：割走你要的那一磅肉吗！我宣布法庭许可你（这样做），法律（把它）判给你。 （夏洛克走向安东尼奥，准备动他的刀子。） 鲍西娅：且慢！事情还没完。安东尼奥许诺给你他身上的一磅肉。但是他并没有答应给你他身上的任何一滴血。要是你让他身上的血流下一滴，你将失去你所有的土地和财产。 夏洛克：法律上是这样说的吗？ 鲍西娅：这就是法律。你要求公正，那么就让你得到公正吗，比你要求的还要多。 夏洛克：我愿意要钱。请给我加三倍还给我安东尼奥向我借的钱。 B: Here it is. (He cries out, full of joy.) P: Wait! Shylock would not take the money earlier. All he wanted was right to be done. That is all he can have now. you must cut off one pound of flesh, no more, no less. And not one drop of blood must fall. Shylock turns and starts to leave the court. P: Wait, Shylock. The law of Venice says that if anyone tries to kill or murder any citizen of Venice, everything that he owns shall be taken away from him. One half of his money and his goods shall be given to the city of Venice and the other half shall be given to the person he has tried to kill. His life shall be at the mercy of the Duke. therefore, go down on your knees and beg the Duke for mercy. S: Good sir. I beg for mercy and beg your pardon.. D: I shall not have you killed. But as your punishment, half of your money is now Antonio's. You must give the other half to the city of Venice. S: Take my life too! My money and goods are as dear to me as life itself. They are my only comfort. When you take those away from me, you also take my life. A: I shall be happy to give up my part of Shylock's money. Shylock must promise to leave the money upon his death to his daughter and her husband. S: I promise. Let me go home now. I am not well. 相关链接： The Merchant of Venice(I) 巴萨尼奥：钱在这儿。（他满怀喜悦地喊了出来。） 鲍西娅：别忙！夏洛克先前已经拒绝要钱了。他所要求的只是公正。这是他现在所能得到的一切。你必须割下整一磅肉，不准多也不准少。而且不准流一滴血。 （夏洛克转过身，要离开法庭。） 鲍西娅：等一等，夏洛克。威尼斯的法律规定任何企图杀害或谋害任何威尼斯公民的人，他所有的一切必须被没收。他的钱和财产的一半必须给威尼斯城，另一半必须给他企图杀害的人。他的生命全凭公爵处置。因此你快快跪下请求公爵开恩吧。 夏洛克：仁慈的先生，我乞求你的饶恕和原谅。 公爵：我将不处死你，但是作为对你的惩罚，你的财产的一半现在是安东尼奥的了。你必须把另一半交给威尼斯城。 夏洛克：把我的命也拿走吧！我的钱财对我就像生命一样宝贵。它们是我唯一的安慰。你们没收了我的财物，也就是要了我的命。 安东尼奥：我将高兴地放弃我应得的夏洛克财产的那一半。夏洛克必须答应在他死后把这笔财产留给他的女儿和女婿。 夏洛克：我答应。现在让我回家吧。我不舒服。
屠夫糖糖
Wanders every five miles 焦仲卿Johnny(J for short)刘兰芝Lunch(L for short) 焦母Johnny's mother(JM for short)刘母Lunch’s mother(LM for short) 太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short)强盗Burglars(ABandC) (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪) J:Every body says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is Wu Song. (指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you! (内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’m afraid of whom? My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J) My God!Who can help me?(下) Act1 (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状) JM(拄拐棍上):I can! (对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you? L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum? JM:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”. L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up? JM:Since you married my son you have be haved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so lazy…… L:But…… JM:Never interrupt me! L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and…… JM:But all those you have done a renotas valuable as a grandson! L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)Goandas k your son.I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下) Act2 (LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上) L:Mum,I’m back! LM:You are back?Why?What happened? L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law. LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself…… L:But,mum…… LM:Never interrupt me! L:Mum,I’m no tinterrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK?And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to. LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter Haven’t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下) L(惊愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done!(下) Act3(J睡眼惺忪上) J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are still dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself. JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet? J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone! JM(沉吟片刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,as on without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice girl,go and take her back! J(立正敬礼):Yes madam! Act4 (J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗) A:Hey you!Stop and listent to us! The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上) B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上) C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚) AB&C:Give us all your money! J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1 mao enough? (三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量) A:What bad luck!This guy is broken! B:If we cannot rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight! C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan zhi next month.WE can go and rob the wedding! A&B:Good idea! J(惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible! AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple! J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet! (突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go with you.You take the money and I take the bride. B:Have you got any experience? J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) Act5 (转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中) ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us! A:The road is built by me! B:And I planted one tree. C:If you want to go by this street--- J:Give us all your money! (L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头) L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后) (MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒) J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去） (J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS) (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,how are you? L(哭状):I hurt a lot! J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下) (音乐起 Can You Celebrate)
了无痕Sky
剧中人物：侦探1（工藤新一）（Tan1） 侦探2（小兰）（Tan2）（反串）被害人大山（S）犯罪嫌疑人 A(杀人犯) B C D场景1（Scene1）屋外相见地点：山庄门口Tan2：Wow, it’s a fine day today.Tan1: Yes, the sky is blue, and the snow is so beautiful.（Tan2叹气）Tan1: What’s wrong?Tan2: I lost my key when I was skiing on the mountain.Tan1: Oh my god. You are so careless. It seems we have to connect with the administrator.Tan2: But we don’t have a phone.S: Hi, what can I do for you? Wow, aren’t you the famous detective gongtengxinyi? I often read your stories from the newspaper.Tan1: Just so so. (做挠头状)S：（转向Tan2）You must be his girlfriend maolilan.Tan2: Yes, I’m maolilan, you can call me xiaolan.Tan1:（指着门） This shape of door with a little lion is great.S: Thanks, but a horse may be better.Tan1：Horse? So you like horse better than lion?S:No,no…A: Doctor dashan，we have wait for a long time.(转向Tan1,Tan2)E, who are they?S: This is gongtengxinyi, and this is his girlfriend xiaolan. Let’s go into the house together.场景2（Scene2）屋内一起吃饭Tan2: Wow, it’s a surprise you come from the same university?B: Yes, we are all Doctor dashan’s students. I have learnt from the doctor for ten years.C: And I followed our doctor only three years. He treats me as his own son.S:You are really my good son.(做亲密状)D: (站起身做庆祝状) A few days ago, our doctor published an article and get a prize. Congratulations!众人鼓掌S：（挥挥手）Xiao case. Hahahaha…A: Oh my god, I forget to buy some snacks, and I will get some in the super market at the foot of the mountain.D: Please bring me fish and chips together. Thank you.C: I want some chocolate.B: And some sausages, please.S: How about some ice cream?A: OK, OK, I have written them down, and I’ll bring them for you as soon as possible.A，C，D，S起身一起走到门口，A离开S：What’s the time now?D: Nine o’ clock.S: Oh, I must go to see my favorite TV play now.S离开C：And I’ll go skiing, I didn’t enjoy myself this morning.D: But it’s too late.C: Don’t worry. I’ll be back before 11 o’ clock.C离开D走回屋内B：Ah, I want to take a bath before they come back.D: Ok, and I wi百度文库客户端 免财富值下载文档1/3ll wash these dishes in the kitchen.Tan2: Let me help you.众人离开场景3（Scene3）众人回来Tan1,Tan2,D坐在屋子中A走进屋D：Ah, you come back, so nice.A：The snow is so heavy.C走进屋C：What a day, the snow is terrible.B走进屋B: Ah, you have been back. I just take a bath, and I feel so comfortable now.A:(拿出东西)They are your snacks, but the ice cream was sold out. Who wants ice cream in such cold day?D: The doctor.(看表) The TV play should be over now, why doesn’t he come out to chat with us?A: Maybe he doesn’t know we have come back. And let me call him out.A离开场景4（Scene4）犯罪现场S挂掉状…A：（大叫一声）Ah, what happened?众人奔向教授的房间A摊到在地B、C上前探S的脖颈,摇头C：He’s dead. Tan1:Don’t move. Let me see.Tan1上前检查S的尸体Tan2: The snow is so heavy, the police can’t come.Tan1点头Tan2:（走到窗口）There are some footprints outside the window.Tan1走到窗口看D：(指着保险箱)Doctor’s safe was broken!Tan1: It seems that the robber came in from the window, and he tied up the doctor, after getting the money from the safe, he killed the doctor.Tan2：The robber is so crule!Tan1发现了S手腕上的金表Tan1:That's not rob,a robber can't be so careless to leave this golden watch.It's murder.Look at the footprints outside the window,the murderer climb into the room directly.If that's a common murderer,he would hold for a moment to clarify the situation in the room.So,the murderer isn't a common murderer,but one of you! (用手指着ABCD)ABCD惊讶Tan1:Tell me what were you doing during the period doctor dashan was murdered?A:I went to buy some snacks, it takes at less an hour.C:I went for skiing, it also takes at least an hour.(拿出票子)This is the ticket, you can see my arrive time on it. D:I stayed with xiaolan during this time.Tan2:Yes,we washed the dishes together, he can’t be the murder.B:I was taking a bath. But nobody can prove that. Tan2捡起火柴盒（还是打火机？？？）Tan2：What’s this? It’s so strange.Tan1拿起火
安然若水
剧本主要是由台词和舞台指示组成的，是戏剧艺术创作的文本基础，编导与演员演出的依据。以下是我精心整理的英语短剧剧本，欢迎大家分享。
角色：小兔、小狗、小猴、山羊
characters: hare、dog、monkey、goat
画外音：小兔子肚子饿了，她想找些东西吃。找呀，找了半天。忽然发现小路边的地里长着一根萝卜。
兔：啊，一个萝卜！一个大萝卜！我把它拔出来。
H:Oh,a radish!A big radish!I’ll pull it out.
哎——嗨——呦！哎——嗨——呦！
Ai-----Hay---Yo! Ai---Hay---Yo!
这萝卜太重了。我拔不出来。
The radish is too heavy. I can’t pull it out.
狗：我是小狗。我饿了。哦，兔小姐，你在干什么？
D: I’m a dog. I’m hungry. Oh, Miss hare,What are you doing.
兔：你好，狗先生。一个萝卜，一个大萝卜。它太重了。我拔不出来。
H:Hello,Mr.Dog.A radish,a big radish.It’s too heavy.I can’t pull it out.
狗：我帮你。咱们一起拔。
D:I’ll help you.Let’s pull it together.
兔：谢谢你。咱们一起拔。
H:Thank you .Let’s pull it together.
兔和狗：一、二、开始！哎----嗨----呦！哎---嗨---呦！哦，这萝卜太重了。我们拔不出来。
H&D:One,two,begin!Ai---Hay—Yo!Ai—Hay—Yo!Oh,the radish is too heavy.We can’t pull it out.
（小猴走了过来）
猴：我是小猴。我饿了。哦，你们在干什么？
M:I’m a monkey. I’m hungry.Oh, What are you doing?
兔和狗：你好，猴先生。一个萝卜，一个大箩卜。它太重了。我们拔不出来。
H&D:Hello,Mr. Monkey. A radish, a big radish. It’s too heauy. We can’t pull it out.
猴：我帮你们。咱们一起拔。
M:I’ll help you. Let’s pull it together.
兔和狗：谢谢你。咱们一起拔。
H&D:Thank you. Let’s pull it together.
兔，狗和猴：一，二，开始！哎---嗨---呦！哎---嗨---呦！哦，这萝卜太重了。我们拔不出来。
H,D&M:One,two,begin! Ai---Hay---Yo! Ai—Hay---Yo!Oh,the radish is too heavy. We can’t pull it out.
（小山羊走了过来）
羊：我是山羊。我饿了。哦，你们在干什么？
G:I’m a goat. I’m hungry.Oh, what are you doing?
狗、兔和猴：你好，山羊先生。一个萝卜，一个大萝卜。它太重了。我们拔不出来。
H,D&M:Hello, Mr.Goat.A radish. a big radish.It’s too heavy. We can’t pull it out.
羊：我帮你们。咱们一起拔。
G:I’ll help you. Let’s pull it together.
狗，兔和猴：谢谢你，咱们一起拔。
H,D&M:Thank you.Let’s pull it together.
兔，狗，猴和羊：一，二，开始。哎—嗨---呦！这萝卜真大，这萝卜真重。哎—嗨—呦！我们必须使劲干。我们一定把它拔出来。
H,D,M&G:One,two,begin.Ai—Hay—Yo!The radish is big.The radish is heavy. Ai---Hay—Yo! We must work hard. We must pull it out.
兔，狗，猴和羊：哎—嗨—呦！啊，萝卜拔出来了！一个大萝卜！一个重萝卜。我们大家一起吃！
H,D,M&G:Ai—Hay—Yo!Ah, the radish is out! A big radish!We’ll eat it together .A heavy radish!
（他们一起围着大萝卜唱歌，跳舞。
甲：Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie ? Yeah, you are right, Im the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you…Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, lets begin. At first , talent show, number one, lets welcome.
乙：（风情万种，妖娆妩媚地走进来，给观众一个飞吻）：oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, Im Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,（打个响指） come some music.（搞笑舞，自由发挥）。 （跳完，鞠躬，向观众谢幕）， thank you,（面向导演）， honey, is it a wonderful performance?
甲：（作目瞪口呆状），
乙：（在甲眼前晃手），oh, darling, are you Ok?
甲：eh…my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.
乙：oh no …sweet ,you break my heart…（掩面离去）
丙：oh it seems to be serious. God bless me（画个十字架，镇定地走到甲面前，伸出手）， nice to meet you, director.
甲：（与之握手），nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.
丙：Im Celine Dion, you know, I dont have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and（做沉思状） oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, （同学鼓掌，乙作安抚状），oh, calm down, calm down,its just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I…
甲：ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin
丙：OK!!! Ill use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.
near, far, wherever you are
i believe that the heart does go on
once more, you opened the door（甲stop stop,丙不理，继续作深情状）
and youre here in my heart,
and my heart will go on and on.
甲：guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.
Oh, Im dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise
丁：（对着乙的.背影，沉思状）to be,or not to be,its a question!（走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状），Im glad to see you,my dear princess.
甲（做娇羞状）：oh, its really a big surprise,so whats your name?
丁：My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?（甲，白痴的摇头），eh,its ok,then how about Robin Meade?（摇头），and Melissa Theuriau?（摇头），（丁，情绪激动），you know nothing, how can you sit in here.
甲（指门，气愤状），you you you……
丁：ok ok, it doesnt matter, you neednt learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!
甲：I dont care who you are, just show me your talent.
丁：ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her "I love you"!
甲（起鸡皮疙瘩状）：oh, I cant stand, show you the door,
丁（转身离开，继续台词）：If there is a time limit, I hope, it is （回头，对甲）10 thousand years.
甲：oh, its really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, Im dying,you three, come here,
三人跑进来，乙妩媚状：honey, you like my dance,right?
丙镇静状：director,you like my singing,right?
丁深情状：princess,you like my poet,right?
三人同声：we are past,right?
甲：ehThank you for your ehWonderful performance,but,Im sorry to tell you …（接电话） What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh…god.（挂电话，低头），you three,（抬头），pass!
三人欢呼，说：we make it,we are superstar!
乙（甜蜜状）：thats very sweet of you,we love you so much（飞个吻）
甲：you know, you are not good enough now, but Im look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?
三人齐答：yes,we do!
甲伸手，三人搭上，同声，fight,fight,fight!
说明：绝对搞笑，绝对雷人，鉴于所花精力，所以，适当地收一点点辛苦费，第一个表演舞蹈时，音乐可以选用<猪八戒背媳妇>,第二个唱 时，一定要跑调加破音，第三个一定要足够深情恶心，就这么多提醒的，希望您看得开心，下的舒心。
人物：令狐冲（linghuchong），小师妹（little sister），任盈盈（yingying），东方不败（invincible eastern），小尼姑（little nun），田伯光（tianboguang），林平之（linpingzhi） 第一幕
（令狐冲与小师妹正在舞剑，甜蜜无比）
令狐冲：little sister ,you are the most beautful girl in this world!i will love you forever .
小师妹：（害羞）oh!really?you are the most handsome boy I have ever seen!i love you too!
令狐冲：I love you too
小师妹：I love you too too
令狐冲：I love you too too too!
（小师妹的剑不小心落下令狐冲捡起）
令狐冲：oh little sister ,your sword!
小师妹：no it’s your sword!
令狐冲：your sword!（扭扭咧咧）
小师妹：your sword!
令狐冲：your sword!
小师妹：it’s madness when I say it ,but not when you say about it! 令狐冲：ok , you are right ,it’s my sword. （顺从态）
令狐冲：little sister ,there is one thing I want to tell you ,master asked me to go downhill for a few days ,so during my absence ,brother lin will be with you ,take good care of yourself ,I will be back soon.
小师妹：rearlly?oh , my life will be boring without you!（伤感）so,good-bye!（突然兴奋）
第二幕
（令狐冲在下山后遇见正在调戏小尼姑的田伯光）
小尼姑：give away!
田伯光：come here!
小尼姑：if you talk any more nonsence, I’ll hit you with my sword! 小尼姑：keep away! keep away!
田伯光：let me take good care of you!don’t be afraid of me , I’m the most handsome man in china.
令狐冲：stop that! Don’t hurt that girl!
田伯光：who is that man?run far away if you don’t want to pass away! 令狐冲：so ,let’s fighting!（音乐，用功夫里面的那首）
（两人打斗，令狐冲不敌田伯光）
田伯光：give out that little boy!you can’t stop me from enjoying my life with her!
令狐冲：no ,if that!if that ,I’d rather die!
（再上，再被打败，重伤）
（突然闪出一人，身手凌厉，田伯光被秒掉）
小尼姑：unbelievable!he’s my hero!
东方不败：what a handsome man ,it would be a pity if you die here.and that’s why I save you ,so ,don’t fall in love with me ,forever!
令狐冲：you are a man ,how can I fall in love with you!
东方不败：but what if I ware a girl?
令狐冲：if that ,I won’t believe in love for any longer
东方不败：wait for me here!i’ll be back soon!
（熄灯，东方不败换女装）
令狐冲：you you are so beautiful! I love you
东方不败：no !we can never be together ,not because of you ,nor because of me ,it’s the world to blame!goodbey honey ,we won’t meet again.
（灯灭，第三幕）
（麻将声响起，四人麻将，分别是令狐冲，小师妹，林平之，任盈盈，令狐冲面对的是林平之）
（中文对话：
林平之：八筒
小师妹：吃
林平之：九条
小师妹：碰
林平之：五条
小师妹：杠！
令狐冲：五桶
小师妹：糊了！）
令狐冲：I lose again ,little sister ,brother lin is always help you !what’s the matter with you honey?
小师妹：so I will tell you the truth ,I am in love with brother lin ,compared with you ,he is more hot, he have strong kiss with me every now and then .but you ,have not even touch my hand during the past few years!
令狐冲：I’m so sad to hear that
任盈盈：brother linhu ,don’t be sad ,when you are longly ,I will be right by your side!
令狐冲：thank you yingying ,when everbody leave me ,you are the only one stay with me .
任盈盈：when you are longly ,I can play music for you ,so ,let us be together! I wana be your girl , and you are my boy!
令狐冲：ok,you are my girl now, do what you want to do!
（任盈盈抱住令狐冲，吻了他）
（灯灭）
（旁白：two years later ,it is said that invincible eastern was killed by linhuchong , the biggest enemy died , but the world get worse , people suffer from songshanpai . linghuchong live with renyingying from that day on , but is he happy ? who is the girl really in his heart? ）
第三幕
（非诚勿扰音乐，田伯光作为主持人，四位女嘉宾在场上端坐，分别是小师妹，小尼姑，任盈盈，东方不败，令狐冲上场）
田伯光：welcome to "no honesty no bother" I’m the compere xiaotiantian .taday there are 4 girls waiting for their boy.now let’s welcome the sunny boy linghuchong!（音乐）
令狐冲：holle everybody , I am linghuchong from huashan mountain,I’m a strong man as well as a handsome boy,you will never regret if you choose me .
田伯光：so girls , it’s time to turn down your light , to turn or not to turn it is a question
（都没有熄灯）
田伯光：it’s out of my surprise!all of the lights are on!so you can choose the girl you love best.
小师妹：brother , it was all my fault before, brother lin is no longer a real man I am so longly these days, the boy I really love is you!
小尼姑：brother , you have saved me , all my body ang heart are yours! 任盈盈：brother chong ,I am the girl who accompanied you .when you feel longly ,I played music for you .when you are happy ,I played music for you .when you are sad ,I played music for you!
令狐冲：but don’t you know I don’t love music?（径直走向东方不败，牵住她的手）
令狐冲：I thought you have passed away, it is so good to see you again 东方不败：I was saved by your master fengqingyang （停顿）。You wanted to kill me ,why choose me now?
令狐冲：I did’t want you know?it was not decide by me !belive in me ,you are the girl in my heart ! whether past or present!
东方不败：I won’t belive in you any more , you have so many female friends ,any of them can be your girl friend , isn’t it?
令狐冲：the girl you love is not the one who grow up with you ,nor the one who like you ,nor the one who play music for you ! she is the one you feel right ,and that is the most important.belive that you will always be my girl!
东方不败：thank you for your love , which I can’t afford to.we can never be together, it is decide by God . I will not marry you , nor see you again .so ,it is the last time we see each other .choose the one you like best and be kind to her .
Good-bye
