陈709479558
英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》 Wanderseveryfivemiles 焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort) 焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort) 太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC) Prologue本文转自：小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影 (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪) J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy wifeisWuSong. (指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou! (内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom? MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme, smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J) MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下) Act1 (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状) JM(拄拐棍上):Ican! (对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou? L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum? JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland dearestmother-in-law”. L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup? JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so lazy…… L:But…… JM:Neverinterruptme! L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken and…… JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson! L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下) Act2 (LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上) L:Mum,I’mback! LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened? L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law. LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten tome.Lookatyourself…… L:But,mum…… LM:Neverinterruptme! L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto. LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo andtellhim.(下) L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下) Act3本文转自：小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影 (J睡眼惺忪上) J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty! (突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself. JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet? J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone! JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice girl,goandtakeherback! J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam! Act4 (J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗) A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous! Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上) B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上) C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚) AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney! J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough? (三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量) A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken! B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight! C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand robthewedding! A&B:Goodidea! J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible! AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple! J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet! (突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride. B:Haveyougotanyexperience? J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) Act5本文转自：小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影 (转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中) ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous! A:Theroadisbuiltbyme! B:AndIplantedonetree. C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet--- J:Giveusallyourmoney! (L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头) L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后) (MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒) J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去） (J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS) (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou? L(哭状):Ihurtalot! J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下) L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下) (音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)英语短剧：小兔子乖乖时间：阳光明媚的星期天早晨 地点：鸟语花香的动物王国 人物：Little Duck，Miss Cat， Miss Rabbit，Mr Dog 旁白：Little Duck要去看望外婆。一路上他又唱又跳，高兴极了。在小河边，他碰到了Miss Cat。 Duck：（很好奇）Hello，Miss Cat．Whatre you doing？ Cat：（急得抓耳挠腮）Hello，Little Duck．Theres a big fish in the river．Im hungry，but I cant get it． Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you． （Little Duck跳进水里，一会儿就帮Miss Cat抓到了鱼。） Duck：Here is the fish for you，Miss Cat．Have a good meal． Cat：Thank you，Little Duck．You are so kind． Duck：Thats all right，Miss Cat．I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Bye-bye！ Cat：Bye-bye！ （Little Duck继续赶路。忽然他看到Miss Rabbit躺在草地上，连忙跑过去。） Rabbit：（躺在草地上）Oh，Little Duck．I run too fast and my leg is broken．I cant stand up and I cant walk． Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you． （Little Duck拿出一条手帕帮Miss Rabbit包扎好伤口，然后扶着她回家。） Duck：Dontworry，Miss Rabbit．Youll getwellsoon． Rabbit：Yes，I will．Thank you，Little Duck．Its so kind of you． Duck：Not at all，Miss Rabbit．But I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Good-bye！ Rabbit：Good-bye！ （Little Duck唱着歌又开始上路了，走着走着，他看到Mr Dog坐在家门口，看上去非常着急。） Duck：Good morning，Mr Dog．You look worried．What can I do for you？ Dog：Oh，good morning，Little Duck．I got a letter from my friend，Mr Cock．ButIcantread and Idontknow what he wants me to do． Duck：Dont worry，Mr Dog．Let me help you． （Mr Dog笑呵呵地把信递给Little Duck，Little Duck很仔细地将信的内容读给Mr Dog听。） Dog：（满意地笑）Thank you，Little Duck．Its really very kind of you． Duck：Youre welcome，Mr Dog．（抬头看看挂在半空中的太阳）But I must go now．Im going to see my grandmother． Dog：（摸摸Little Duck的头）Dont worry，Little Duck．Let me send you to your grandmothers home． Duck：Thank you，Mr Dog． （Mr Dog驮着Little Duck一路欢歌笑语向外婆家跑去……）
走遍大中华
公园记（四人课堂话剧）A(衣衫褴褛） B（衣着光鲜） C小花 E椅子 F新闻记者B坐在E上吃东西，A一乞丐上前。A：先生，先生，请给我些面包，谢谢，我饿得不行了。B：（厌恶）让开，让开。（然后便起身离开，这时他的钱包掉到E上头了） A：先生，先生。（A看见后，立即拾起，追上了走远的B）B：让开，让开啊，我没吃的了，也没钱了。（看也不看A，仍自顾自地走了） C：他真愚蠢啊A：可„„先生„„您听我说„„（仍拉着B衣服的后摆）B：挖，你这人怎么这么讨厌！（还是没有回头看A一眼）C：椅子啊，你会不会觉得刚刚坐在你身上的人特愚蠢？E：唉，人总是这么愚蠢啊~~~~与此同时A与B还在纠缠，这时E终于隐忍不住爆发了。E：先生！你的钱包丢了！你怎么这么傻啊。A与B同时回头，看见了那会说话的椅子E，吓昏过去了。这一幕恰巧被经过的F看见了。于是F就报道了这一事件。F：大家好，我是新闻记者F，今天我看见了一个奇异的现象，一个椅子说话了，两个人被吓昏了，下面我将采访一下被吓昏的两个人。B：哦，上帝，哦，妈妈。F：这个人傻了，我们不鸟他了，下面我采访一下另一个人吧，请问你为什么不告诉他，他的钱包丢了？A：对不起，我不知道“钱包”这个单词怎么讲„„1/3页F：通过这一事件，我们可以认识到，掌握一门外语的重要性，以及金钱给人类带来的影响。是吗，椅子？E：是啊，是啊。（E傻傻地拼命点头）C：唉，人可真愚蠢，椅子也被他们弄傻了。A:Sir,sir,please give me a piece of bread.thank you,sir.I'm hungry to die.B:Get away,get away,dirty man.A:Sir,sir!!B:Run away,please run away.I have no food,and I don't have money,eitherC:Hey,xiao D,he is so foolish,isn't he?A:But....sir....please listen to me.....B:Wa,why are you so disgusting!!C:Hey,chair,do you feel the man sat on you a moment ago is very stupid.E:Ai,pretty flower,do you know,men are always very silly.E:Sir!you lost your wallet!Can't you be more clever?F:Good morning,everybody.I'm a jonrnist F. Today I saw a very weird thing--a chair open her mouth,and two men are frightened to faint. Now,I will intenview the two nozzy man.B:Wo,my god,wo,my,mum.F:I'm sorry to tell you this man has been mad.We needn't take notice of him.Let me interview the other man,Hello,man,can you tell men why didn't you tell him he lost his wallet?A:I'm sorry,I don't know how to speak "钱包" in english......F:Dear audience,through this thing we can learn that how improtant it is to mastery a foreign language,and how lagre the money affect us. Is that all right,chair?E:Yes,yes.C:Ai,men is so silly.
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