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One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon... Demon: Why so glum?chum? Guy:?What do you think??I'm in hell. Demon:?Hell's not so bad.?We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man? Guy:?Sure,?I love to drink.?Love the drinks. Demon:?Well you're gonna love Mondays then.?On?Mondays that's all we do is drink.?Whiskey,?tequila,?Guinness,?wine coolers,?diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy:?Gee炉hat sounds great. Demon:?You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it!?Love the smoking. Demon:?Alright!?You're gonna love Tuesdays.?We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out.?If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember? Guy:?Wow...that's...awesome! Demon:?I bet you like to gamble. Guy:?Why?yes?as a matter of fact?I do.?Love the gambling. Demon:?Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want.?Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever...?If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow. Demon:牋 You into drugs? Guy:?Are you kidding??Love drugs! You don't mean... Demon:?That's right!?Thursday is drug day.?Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack.?Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want烬nd if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares!?O.D.!! Guy:?Yowza!?I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!! Demon: You gay? Guy:?Uh?no. Demon:?Ooooh?(grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.
兜兜有糖sd
幽默风趣，妙趣横生的英语对话，只要在初一的时候好好练习的话是做的到的。下面是我给大家整理的初一英语幽默对话，供大家参阅!
Jack:Good morning!
早上好!Ann:Good morning!You look tired.
早上好!你看上去很疲惫.Jack:I couldn't sleep last night.
我昨晚睡不着.Ann:Why?
为什么?Jack:I worried about the finals.
我担心期末考试.Ann:Which subject?
哪科?Jack:All of the subjects.I skipped so many classes.
所有科目.我逃了很多课.Ann:Don't worry,you still have time to prepare the finals.
别担心,你还有时间备考.Jack:It is said that there's a "Never Fail Gate" at the Wuhan University of Science and Technology.Many students go through the gate and take a photo with it.Maybe it could help me pass the exams.
听说武汉科技大学有一座“永不挂科门”.很多学生从“永不挂科门”中穿过,或合影留念.或许它能帮我通过考试.Ann:Well,that's just a gate made of snow and a piece of cardboard.You'd better review your lessons before the exams.
那只是由积雪和一张纸板搭建而成的门而已.你最好还是在考试前复习一下你的功课.
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend."She asks me a question,then answers it herself,and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难,”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说,“她问我一个问题,然后自己回答了,过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的.”
Does the dog know the proverb,too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman,"don't be afraid.Don't you know the proverb:Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah,yes," answered the little boy."I know the proverb,but does the dog know the proverb,too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗?
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子.
“没有关系,”一位先生说,“不用害怕,你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人.’”
“啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道吗?”
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl:Father,I have sinned.
Preacher:What did you do,little girl?
Girl:Yesterday,I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher:Why?What did he do to you?
Girl:He touched my breast.
Preacher:You mean like this?(The guy did it.)
Girl:(A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher:That's no reason to call him that.
Girl:But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher:You mean like this?(He did it again.)
Girl:Yes,that's what he did.
Preacher:That's still no reason to call him that.
Girl:And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher:(evil laugh...) You mean like this?(And you-know-what)
Girl:(After a few minutes...) Ugh...Yeah,that's what he did...
Preacher:My dear girl,that's still no reason to call him a...
Girl:But he had AIDS!
Preacher:THAT SON OF A BITCH!
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother."How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger,"but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children.Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained,"Obviously he was painting the pictures."
安静的芋米
He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。
他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。
“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”
“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。
过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。
你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球， 一个老美看到就笑我说， "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性， 缩写正好是 Adidas） " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快， 联想力这么丰富时，旁边的 一个老美帮我解围， 他说， 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn， 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢，这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔！ 下次就换你去取笑老美了.。
你选选吧
经典对话一：
男：Can I buy you a drink？（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I'd rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。）
经典对话二：
男：Can I have your name？（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don't you already have one？ （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Is this seat empty？（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven't I seen you some place before？（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday？（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving？（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
999句最实用英语口语！ 1。
I see. 我明白了。 2。
I quit！ 我不干了！ 3。 Let go！ 放手！ 4。
Me too. 我也是。 5。
My god！ 天哪！ 6。 No way！ 不行！ 7。
Come on. 来吧（赶快） 8。 Hold on. 等一等。
9。 I agree。
我同意。 10。
Not bad. 还不错。 11。
Not yet. 还没。 12。
See you. 再见。 13。
Shut up！ 闭嘴！ 14。 So long. 再见。
15。 Why not？ 好呀！ （为什么不呢？） 16。
Allow me. 让我来。 17。
Be quiet！ 安静点！ 18。 Cheer up！ 振作起来！ 19。
Good job！ 做得好！ 20。 Have fun！ 玩得开心！ 21。
How much？ 多少钱？ 22。 I'm full. 我饱了。
23。 I'm home. 我回来了。
24。 I'm lost. 我迷路了。
25。 My treat. 我请客。
26。 So do I. 我也一样。
27。 This way。
这边请。 28。
After you. 您先。 29。
Bless you！ 祝福你！ 30。 Follow me. 跟我来。
31。 Forget it！ 休想！ （算了！） 32。
Good luck！ 祝好运！ 33。 I decline！ 我拒绝！ 34。
I promise. 我保证。 35。
Of course！ 当然了！ 36。 Slow down！ 慢点！ 37。
Take care！ 保重！ 38。 They hurt. （伤口）疼。
39。 Try again. 再试试。
40。 Watch out！ 当心。
41。 What's up？ 有什么事吗？ 42。
Be careful！ 注意！ 43。 Bottoms up！ 干杯（见底）！ 44。
Don't move！ 不许动！ 45。 Guess what？ 猜猜看？ 46。
I doubt it 我怀疑。 47。
I think so. 我也这么想。 48。
I'm single. 我是单身贵族。 49。
Keep it up！ 坚持下去！ 50。 Let me see.让我想想。
51。 Never mind.不要紧。
52。 No problem！ 没问题！ 53。
That's all！ 就这样！ 54。 Time is up. 时间快到了。
55。 What's new？ 有什么新鲜事吗？ 56。
Count me on 算上我。 57。
Don't worry. 别担心。 58。
Feel better？ 好点了吗？ 59。 I love you！ 我爱你！ 60。
I'm his fan。 我是他的影迷。
想看更详尽的内容，请查看乐知网的网友课程 。
Jack:Tom,who do you think the man with a yellow straw hat on the stool in front of the palm trees? Tom:I guess he must be a fortune teller。
Jack:Are you sure? Tom:Yes,without a doubt。 You see he is looking forward to talking to someone。
Jack:Maybe you are right。 But Tom, can you read the palm? Tom:Yes, I have read a lot of books about reading the palm。
May I read your palm? Jack: Yes,I'd love to。 But I want to make fun of him。
It is very funny。
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