只会品菜
下面是我整理的经典幽默 英语笑话 ，欢迎大家阅读!
经典幽默英语笑话：The New Baby
Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，his mother answered.
It's no use，said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.
新生儿
泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。
帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。
一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。
帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：你们在说什么?他的母亲回答说：我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。
那没用，帕特绝望地说。他会跟我们到那儿去的。
经典幽默英语笑话：What Are The Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear， said the old lady，I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that?
Why，sure，Granny，said the girl.What are the two words?
是哪两个词?
一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。我亲爱的，老夫人说：我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词。一个是‘讨厌的’，另一个是‘极好的’。你能答应我吗?
噢，当然，奶奶。女孩说：是哪两个词?
经典幽默英语笑话：What's your name?
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.
你叫什么名字?
有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵，于是他开始 自我介绍 ：我的名字叫Stone(石头)，事实上，我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招，这样我们就能很好相处了。
接着他开始走到每个士兵前面问他们的名字。说大声点，让每个人都能听清楚。另外，不要忘记称呼我为长官。他说。
每个士兵都对他说了自已的名字。他走到最后一位士兵面前时，这个士兵保持着沉默。于是Stone队长对他喊叫，当我问你问题的时候，要回答!我再问一遍，你的名字，士兵?
那个新兵很不高兴，但最后他回答了。我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石机)，长官。他紧张的说。
经典幽默英语笑话：No Problem
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.
No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.
没问题
一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。发型师问：有什么可以帮你吗?那个人解释说：我本来去做头发移植，但实在太痛了。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样，而且没有任何痛苦，我将付给你5000美元。
没问题，发型师说，然后他很快帮自己剃了个光头。
经典幽默英语笑话：
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced，a hitch arose over the fee，and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted， the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact，the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.
What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea， on the occasion of the celebrated passage.
That's it，replied Hogarth.
But，where are the Israelites?
They are all gone over.
Where are the Egyptians?
They're all drowned.
一天，有人请这位伟大的画家画一幅法老王渡红海图。这幅画刚开始不久，酬金就出现了问题。霍迪斯发现，完成这幅画后，他只能得到他想要的大约一半的钱。当作品完成之后，那位主顾被请来看画。其实，这幅画不过是胡乱涂抹的一片鲜红。
这是什么?那位买主喊了起来。我要的是红海，是那次著名的航海。
这就是，霍迦斯回答说。
可是以色列人在哪儿?
他们都已经渡过去了。
埃及人在哪儿?
他们全都淹死了。
经典幽默英语笑话：人们什么时候说话最少?
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?
Tom: Men.
汤姆:男人们。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
汤姆: 双胞胎。
经典幽默英语笑话：我丈夫刚进来
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
在饭馆里坐着一对夫妇，他们看上去非常高兴。但是当那女子向旁边瞥了一眼时，服务员马上跑了过来。
“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”
“夫人，您瞧,” 他说,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”
“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”
“不，他没有,” 她回答,“我丈夫刚从门外进来。”
经典幽默英语笑话：有两条裤子
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
丈夫下班回到家里，发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了，”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”
“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“没事儿，”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”
“是的，”妻子高兴地说，“幸亏你还有一条，我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”
聰軎膥賳过
我们很多励志幽默的段子，但是总体会不全面，应该多扩充套件看看国外是怎么励志的。下面是我为大家整理的关于，希望大家能够喜欢。
1：
1、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success. -- Charles Chaplin人必须有自信，这是成功的秘密。 -- 卓别林
2、Gods determine what you're going to be. 人生的奋斗目标决定你将成为怎样的人。
3、The reason why a great man is great is that he resolves to be a great man.伟人之所以伟大，是因为他立志要成为伟大的人。
4、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.千里之行，始于足下
5、A strong man will struggle with the storms of fate. -- Thomas Addison强者能同命运的风暴抗争。 -- 爱迪生
6、pain past is pleasure.忍过痛苦即得快乐。
7、Suffering is the most powerful teacher of life.苦难是人生最伟大的老师。
8、All things are difficult before they are easy.凡事必先难后易。
9、、There’s only one corner of the universe you can be sure of improving, and that’s your own self.这个宇宙中只有一个角落你肯定可以改进，那就是你自己。
10、Where there is life, there is hope.生命不息，希望不止。
2：
1、I feel strongly that I can make it.我坚信我一定能成功。
2、Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.与其诅咒黑暗，不如燃起蜡烛。
3、The shortest answer is doing.最简短的回答就是行动。
4、Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more.成功的秘诀就是四个简单的字：多一点点。
5、The car will find its way round the hill when it gets there.车到山前必有路。
6、All things in their being are good for something.天生我才必有用。
7、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.困难坎坷是人们的生活教科书。
8、Failure is the mother of success. - Thomas Paine失败乃成功之母。
9、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success. -- Charles Chaplin人必须有自信，这是成功的秘密。 -- 卓别林
10、The unexamined life is not worth living. -- Socrates混混噩噩的生活不值得过。 -- 苏格拉底
3：
1、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew. -Era *** us只有每天再度战胜生活并夺取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。
2、Pursue your object, be it what it will, steadily and indefatigably.不管追求什么目标，都应坚持不懈。
3、Living without an aim is like sailing without a pass. -- John Ruskin生活没有目标，犹如航海没有罗盘。-- 罗斯金
74、What makes life dreary is the want of motive. -- George Eliot没有了目的，生活便郁闷无光。 -- 乔治 · 埃略特
5、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.-- Lincoln卓越的天才不屑走旁人走过的路祝寿对联。他寻找迄今未开拓的地区。
6、There is no such thing as a great talent without great will - power. -- Balzac没有伟大的意志力，便没有雄才大略。 -- 巴尔扎克
7、All things in their being are good for something.天生我才必有用。
8、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.困难坎坷是人们的生活教科书。
9、Failure is the mother of success. 失败乃成功之母。
10、For man is man and master of his fate.人就是人，是自己命运的主人。
4：
1、The unexamined life is not worth living. -- Socrates混混噩噩的生活不值得过。 -- 苏格拉底
2、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew. -Era *** us只有每天再度战胜生活并夺取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。
3、Our destiny offers not the cup of despair, but the chalice of opportunity. So let us seize it, not in fear, but in gladness. -- R.M. Nixon命运给予我们的不是失望之酒，而是机会之杯。因此，让我们毫无畏惧，满心愉悦地把握命运 - 尼克松
4、Living without an aim is like sailing without a pass. -- John Ruskin生活没有目标，犹如航海没有罗盘。-- 罗斯金
5、What makes life dreary is the want of motive. -- George Eliot没有了目的，生活便郁闷无光。 -- 乔治 · 埃略特
6、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.-- Lincoln卓越的天才不屑走旁人走过的路。他寻找迄今未开拓的地区。
7、Keep on going never give up. 勇往直前，决不放弃!
8、We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. -- Mattin Luther King我们必须接受失望，因为它是有限的，但千万不可失去希望，因为它是无穷的。 马丁 · 路德 · 金
9、Energy and persistence conquer all things. 能量加毅力可以征服一切。
10、Nothing seek, nothing find.无所求则无所获。
5：
1、Cease to struggle and you cease to live. 生命不止，奋斗不息。 -- 卡莱尔
2、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.千里之行，始于足下。
3、Strength alone knows conflict, weakness is below even defeat, and is born vanquished. -- Swetchine只有强者才懂得斗争;弱者甚至失败都不够资格，而是生来就是被征服的。 -- 斯威特切尼
4、The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, make them. -- Bernara Shaw在这个世界上取得成就的人，都努力去寻找他们想要的机会，如果找不到机会，他们便自己创造机会。 -- 萧伯纳
5、A strong man will struggle with the storms of fate. -- Thomas Addison强者能同命运的风暴抗争。 -- 爱迪生
6、He who seize the right moment, is the right man. 谁把握机遇，谁就心想事成。 -- 歌德
7、Victory won't e to me unless I go to it. 胜利是不会向我们走来的，我必须自己走向胜利。 -- 穆尔
8、Man errs as long as he strives. -- Goethe失误是进取的代价。 -- 歌德
9、The failures and reverses which await men - and one after another sadden the brow of youth - add a dignity to the prospect of human life, which no Arcadian success would do. 尽管失败和挫折等待着人们，一次次地夺走青春的容颜，但却给人生的前景增添了一份尊严，这是任何顺利的成功都不能做到的。 -- 梭罗
10、Where there is life, there is hope 生命不息，希望常在。
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3.精选励志段子大全
4.精选幽默语录
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