搞笑英文话剧剧本

小明发现自己学的英语当中有许多都是根据它的颜色来说的.于是,小明回到老家，自以为是的向大家宣告自己学会的英语，有一位小朋友问他：“煤的英语怎么读啊？”小明知道自己没学过多少单词，于是，他答道：“读：黑秋吗空一大团”

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆状),乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you arei believe that the heart does go ononce more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)and you're here in my heart,and my heart will go on and on.甲:guard ,guard, help, drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying, hope the next one will give me a surprise （丁上场）甲(做厌恶状):oh, it's really a big surprise. What an ugly woman! (Of course, I won’t let you pass.) Why do you come here?丁: Distinguished director, please give me a chance. I walked 25000km for a year just to compete in this interview. Please give me a chance, please. 甲():OK, so what’s your name?丁: my name is Gaga Su.甲(上下打量)：EN…ok ok, I’ll give you only 30s. OK?丁:OK, that’s enough. Thank you, thank you. I’ll just present a poem I love best. The Furthest Distance in The World.The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not between life and death 不是生与死 But when I stand in front of you 而是 我就站在你面前 Yet you don't know that I love you 你却不知道我爱你 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not when I stand in front of you 不是 我就站在你面前 Sir, time is out.甲：Oh, no no no, just go on.Yet you can't see my love 你却不知道我爱你 But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both 而是 明明知道彼此相爱 Yet cannot be together 却不能在一起 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not being apart while being in love 不是 明明知道彼此相爱 却不能在一起 But when painly cannot resist the yearning 而是 明明无法抵挡这股思念 Yet pretending you have never been in my heart 却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里 That’s all, thank you.（另外两人跑进来,乙妩媚状）乙：Honey, you like my dance, right?丙镇静状: Director, you like my singing, right?丁深情状: Princess, do you like my poem?甲(沉迷状):。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。I …I…Er.. You…you are so excellent that I decide to adopt you, Number 3.甲,乙:Oh, no. Why do you choose her? She is so shabby, and even ugly. We are far better than her. NO, it’s unjust.甲：Thank you for your performances. But I have to say I learn a lot from her. We can’t judge a person by his appearance, right? She is so talent .One’s appearance can be changed easily, but one’s intellect could not be built in a day.So, I have to say sorry to you.（乙，丙掩面而泣）(⊙o⊙)THE END!Thanks for you watching.

我妈学英语的热情日益高涨,因而我的苦难就日益加深.因此每当老妈问我英文的时候,我都会先吃三片阿期匹林,缠好绷带,再运上龟背神功至第十二重. 下面是我和老妈的对话，A代老妈，B代我：A:“儿子啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t trouble me .是什么意思啊~?”B:“我很烦,别烦我” A:“找打,跟**这么说话”(于是被扁) A“i hear nothing,reapt. 是what意思啊”B:“我没听清,再说一次”A:“i hear nothing,reapt”B：“我没听清,再说一次”结果被扁 A：再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢”B：说:“你说什么”(再次被扁) A：再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊”B：说:“查字典”A：“查字典我还问你做甚”(被扁) A：又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢”B：说:“你最好问别人”A：“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.” B：“啊!god save me !”A：“耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁) 今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思。 A：这个“i don’t know.”是什么意思？ B：“我不知道” A：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！ B：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！ 知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂 A：你在给我说说这个。“i know.”是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。 B：是“我知道” A：知道就快说。 B：就是“我知道”A：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？ B：就是我知道呀！ A：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！(又一顿爆揍) B：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.”是什么意思？ A:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!”B:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.”A：“臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手 B连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思.”A：“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”(我晕倒)

《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧） 本文来自: 恒星英语学习网( 详细出处参考： 焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort) 焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort) 太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC) Prologue (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪) J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy wifeisWuSong. (指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou! (内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom? MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme, smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J) MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下) Act1 (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状) JM(拄拐棍上):Ican! (对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou? L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum? JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland dearestmother-in-law”. L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup? JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so lazy…… L:But…… JM:Neverinterruptme! L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken and…… JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson! L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

绝对是搞笑英语剧本:Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company. This day they are talking in the office.Ca: Bingo! I finally finish this case. It is really tough! I have not slept well for almost a week.Wing: Me too .I always get so busy in this season. I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.Ci: Our boss must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much. What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case?Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion.Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work!Ca: You are right. Let’s pig out on junk food!Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I miss my hometown. I miss German food!Ca: so do I .how much I love French food!Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before. Do you have any recommendation?Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.Wing: You also can’t miss the famous German sausage, ham and blue checseCi: They all sound yummy. But do you know what Chinese eat when they miss their families?Wing&Ca: NoCi: The answer is dumplings!Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted .Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me .what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together. I will teach you how to cook it.Ca: Great! That is fantastic. Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplingsWing: Very good idea! We could busy some basic ingredient at the supper market after work.Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger.(The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house)CiCiours some pour on the table and said:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”Ca: sure, here you are .what s next?Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together .be careful ,don’t add too much water.Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softerWing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it .shall I blend them?CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well. A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.(an hour later)Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared .lets start!CiCi: Wait! I remember well that you all miss the food from your hometown.Look, what are these?Ca: Wow! Cheese! Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine.Wing: God. Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’ food ready.Ca: So it is a complete big meal.Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life. Let’s cheers!Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!