大花的大呆地
英语版笑话大全简短
当听别人说笑话的时候觉得不大好笑，还会觉得冷很冷，可是自己看的时候，却笑到不行，你有这样的经历么?以下的简短英语版笑话大全，希望能让你欢乐笑不停。
Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?
Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.
母亲问她年幼的'儿子：宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么?
儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。
Consider the following:
1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work a 40-hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot.
Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!
圣诞老人的真实职业是什么?
考虑以下几点
1. 你其实从来没见过圣诞老人，你看见的都是他得助手(他得助手真的好多，除了过圣诞节的所有父母外，还有职业“圣诞老人”)
2. 圣诞老人不想退休，就可以一直当他的圣诞老人。
3. 圣诞老人不会做实事，他都是指挥一堆帮手帮他做完所有的事情，但是事情做得好还是不好，功绩和责任都算圣诞老人的。
4. 圣诞老人实行的可不是朝九晚五双休制。
5. 圣诞老人经常旅行
圣诞老人显然是一个高级职员(please, 这世界上还有比他的工作更好的工作吗?)
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
When I was waitting in line at the bank , I noticed a woman holding a small child at one of the windows. The boy was eating a roll ,which he thrust at the teller. The teller smiled and shook his head.
"No, no, dear," said the boy's mom. and then , turnning to the teller , "I beg your pardon , young man. Please forgive my son . He's just been to the zoo."
他刚去过动物园
当我在银行里排队时，发现一位妇女抱着一个小孩站在一个窗口。男孩正在吃一个面包卷，并将面包卷戳向出纳员，出纳员笑着摇了摇头。
“别这样，亲爱的，” 男孩的妈妈说。然后她转向出纳员说，“对不起，小伙子。请原谅我的儿子，他刚去过动物园。”
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。
~~简单的幸福~~
.The Doctor Knows Better A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 医生懂得多 一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."2.A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
生活算个球
He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
js紫外线
英文笑话简短
英文笑话简短一：
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask Why do we have to learn this stuff?To save lives. The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. So how does physics save lives? he persisted. It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school, replied the professor.
英文笑话简短二：
Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at therecitation(背诵，朗诵) , and the doctor, somewhat nettled(刺激，惹恼) , said: Landon, you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject. You seem to lack ambition. Why, at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world.Yes, said Landon, he couldn't help it, for you will recall the fact, doctor, that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher.
英文笑话简短三：
Winston Churchill was Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War II. He was a fat and short man. George Bernard Shaw was a famous writer. He was
tall and lean(瘦的) . Both of them were humorists.When they met at a reception, Churchill said to Shaw with a smile, Mr. Shaw, when people see you, they must think there is afamine(饥荒) in our country. Yes, said Bernard Shaw, but they must think you are responsible for it.
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