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英语幽默故事三则
下面是网我为大家带来的英语幽默故事三则，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
1.Bragging 吹牛
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off，“said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."
三名著名的外科医生在吹嘘着各自的高超医术。其中一个说:“有个人切断了一只手，他来找我治疗，如今，他已成为音乐会的小提琴手。”
That's nothing." said another.“A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on，and today that man is a marathon runner."
“那有什么，”另一个不服，“有个家伙的`两条腿全断了，我给他接上了。现在这家伙是马拉松运动员。”
"I can top both of you，"said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. ,There was nothing left but a horse's posterior---and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in the United States Senate. "
“你们俩都比不上我。”第三个人说，“有一天，我被叫到一起事故的现场。当时那儿什么都没留下，只有一个马屁股和一副眼镜。现在那个人就坐在美国参议院中。”
2.Wrongly dressed 穿错了
I wanted to look especially nice when I valked my son to his first day of kindergarten，so I took the liberty of borrowing an outfit from my younger，more fashionable sister，who was staying with us at the time. We had agreed not to borrow from one another without asking，but she was asleep，so I slipped some shorts and a shirt out of her drawer silently，planning to put them back before she woke up.
在陪儿子上幼儿园的第一天，我想打扮一下自己。我打算从妹妹那儿借身外衣，她年径而且时髦。妹妹和我们住在一起。我们有约在先，不经过对方的同意不能拿别人的东西。但那时她仍在睡觉。于是，我从她的衣拒里轻径拿走几条短裤和一件村衣，本想趁她没醒来时再放回去。
To my surprise .she was awake when I got back, but she didn't mention the clothes. We chatted about Jason's introduction to kindergarten. Finally，she smiled and asked coolly，"And how did Jason's teacher like my pajamas?"
让我吃惊的是，当我送儿子去幼儿园回来后，妹妹已经醒了。但她没说衣服的事儿。我们聊了聊儿子吉森在幼儿园做自我介绍的情况。最后，妹妹笑着并不动声色地问:“吉森的老师觉得我的睡衣怎徉?”
3.Dating for mother 为母亲约会
When the young waitress in the cafe in my building started waving hello every day，I was flattered. She was at least 15 years younger than I.
在我工作的大楼里有间咖啡馆，那儿的女招待每天见到我都向我打招呼。我因此受宠若惊。要知道她至少要比我小15岁。
One day she waved and beckoned to me. When I strolled over，she asked，"Are you single?"
有一天，她见到我后，朝我招手示意让我过去。于是，我便走了过去。她问我，“你现在是单身吗?”
Why，yes,"I replied，smiling at her broadly.
“对，是单身。”我满脸堆笑地说。
" So is my mom，”she said.”Would you like to meet her?"
“我母亲也是，”她说:“你愿意不愿意见见她。”
TINA敏敏敏
英语长篇笑话故事（通用7篇）
故事是一种文体，它是通过叙述的方式讲一个带有寓意的事件，那你知道关于讲述“笑话故事”有哪些吗？下面是我为大家整理的英语长篇笑话故事，仅供参考，欢迎大家阅读。
A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?
一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?
A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, Ill eat it all!"
The father then said: "Tomorrow Im going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"
The same son answered: "Father,Ill eat it all!"
The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"
The oldest son answered again: "Its always me, always me. Now its someone elses turn to volunteer!"
总是我
一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢?”
大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢?”
又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢?”
大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”
Good news: Two boys went out climbing trees.好消息：两名男童出去爬树。
Bad news: wone of them fell out.坏消息：其中有一人摔下来了。
Good news: There was a hammockbeneathhim.好消息：他下面有一个吊床。
Bad news: There was a rakebeside the hammock.坏消息：吊床旁边有一个耙子。
Good news: He missed the rake.好消息：他和耙子擦肩而过。
Bad news: He missed the hammock too !坏消息：他也和吊床擦肩而过！
The squad（班，小队） were having "visual training". One smart recruit（新兵，招募） was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so faraway（遥远的，恍惚的） that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly（迅速地） the recruit replied：
"Sixteen men and a sergeant（中士，军士） , sir."
"Right, but how do you know there's a sergeant there?"
"He's not doing any digging, sir."
班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫地回答。
“十六个兵外加一个中士，长官。”
“正确，可是你怎么知道那儿有一个中士？”
“他不干活，长官。”
不必再看眼科医生了
It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.
我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。
The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,
在我去见医生的前一天，我的.情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.
"That does it,”she said.“I'm canceling your appointment."
她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”
After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west's dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.
我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后，我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的林荫大过引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘩，连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的老家来看我们，我问他们对旅途的感受。
What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."
我父亲抱怨着:“枯澡，乏味，一进入密西根，除了树什么都没有。”
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
小女孩坐在祖父的膝上读故事。她时不时的从书上转移视线抬起头来碰到他褶皱的脸。随后她摸摸自己的脸颊又回去摸摸祖父的。
Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"
最后她问：“爷爷，是上帝创造的你吗？”
"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
“是啊，甜心。”他回答道：“上帝很久前创造出了我。”
"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"
“喔。”她回答。接着又问道：“爷爷，上帝也创造了我吗？”
"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."
“是啊，当然了宝贝。”他向她保证：“上帝只是不久前创造的你。”
"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
“喔。”她回答。又分别感受了两人的脸颊，边观察边说：“上帝的技术越来越好了，是不？”
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