安妮宝贝88
Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
独酌邀明月
I was on a plane once and I'm sitting there and the captain gets on he does his whole announcements. But then he puts the mircophone down. He forgets to turn it off. So he turns to the copilot. He 's like"you know all I could use right now is a fucking blow job and a cup of coffee." So the stewardness goes bombing up from the back of the plane to tell him the mircophone's still on. A guy in the back of the plane is like"Hey,honey,don't forget the coffee."
金吉小酉子
Harry the astronomy student (who happens to be a geek) and his new girl friend went to a music festival and will take shelter with their tent. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, the girl woke up and nudged her boy friend:"Honey, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."the astronomy student replied, "I see millions and millions of stars.""And what does that tell you?" his girlfriend asked,the guy pondered for a minute, said:"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.""What does it tell you?" the girl was silent for a minute, then spoke from between her teeth:"Harry Potter, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"或者你可以用这个:This is more embarrassing for my mother than for me because I wasn't quite four years old when it happened. My mother taught me to read when I was 3 years old (her first mistake). One day I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping napkins in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts she told me that those were for special occasions. Now fast forward a few months. It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. You guessed it! When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge. My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!! 这个曾经让我笑到肚子痛到几乎窒息
