英语3分钟爆笑故事

1.PiccolaOnce there lived in France a little girl name Piccola. When she was very young, her father died, and her mother was very, very poor. One Christmas Eve Piccola said to her mother, "Mamma, will Uncle Santa come to our house tonight?" Her mother felt very sad and shook her head. Before she went to bed, Piccola took off her little wooden shoes and put them on the floor near the chimney. She said to her mother, “Perhaps Uncle Santa will come.” All was white with snow outside, and it was very cold. In the night a little bird with a broken wing fell down the chimney and hopped into one of the shoes. Very early in the morning Piccola woke up. She jumped out of bed and ran to look into her shoes. There she saw the little bird in one of the shoes. She picked up the shoe and ran to show her Christmas present to her mother. She said, "Santa Claus did not forget me, Mamma."2.Pandora's boxMany years ago all the word was very beautiful and nobody was ever sick or unhappy. At that time there lived a beautiful little girl named Pandora. One day gave her a wonderful box tied with a golden cord and made her promise not to open it. Pandora and her little playmate, Epimetheus, often looked at the box and wondered what was in it. For a long time Pandora kept her promise to the fairy, but at last she wanted to peep into the box. She untied the cord and lifted the cover only a little. Out flew hundreds of bad little fairies. They stung Pandora and she fell on the floor and screamed. They stung Epimetheus, too. Then they flew out of doors and stung all the children in the land. By and by Pandora heard a little voice crying, “Let me out, and I will help you,” She opened the box, and out flew a beautiful little fairy. She told Pandora that her name was Hope. She kissed her and Epimetheus, and made them well. Then away she flew to help the other children. To this day, when people are sick or unhappy, the good little fairy, Hope, comes to comfort them.3.The Crab and His Mother“My child,” said a Crab to her son, “why do you walk so awkward? If you wish to make a good appearance, you should go straight forward, and not to one side as you do so constantly.” “I do wish to make a good appearance, Mamma” said the young Crab; “and if you will show me how, I will try to walk straight forward.” “Why, this is the way, of course,” said the mother, as she started off to the right, “No, this is the way,” said she, as she made another attempt, to the left. The little Crab smiled. “ When you learn to do it yourself, you can teach me,” he said, and he went back to his play.4.The Wolf and The CraneOne day a Wolf, who was eating his dinner much too fast, swallowed a bone, which stuck in his throat and pained him very much. He tried to get it out, but could not. Just then he saw a Crane passing by. “Dear fiend,” said he to the Crane, “ there is a bone sticking in my throat. You have a good long neck; can't you reach down and pull it out? I will pay you well for it.” “I'll try,” said the Crane. Then he put his head into the Wolf’s mouth, between his sharp teeth, and reaching down, pulled out bone. “There!” said the Wolf, “I am glad it is out; I must be more careful another time.” “I will go now, if you will pay me,” said the Crane. “Pay you, indeed!” cried the Wolf. “Be thankful that I did not bite your head off when it was in my mouth. You ought to be content with that.”5. Handel, The Musician Long ago they're lived in Germany a little boy named George Frederick Handel. He loved music and wanted to learn to play the piano, but his father wanted him to become a lawyer and would not let him take music lessons. There was a little, old-fashioned piano up in the attic. At night, when everybody was asleep, the little boy used to creep up the stairs and play softly to himself. When he was about seven years old, he went with his father to visit a wealthy Duke. The Duke lived in a beautiful palace with many large rooms. There was a wonderful organ in one of the rooms. While his father and the Duke sat talking, little Handel slipped away. He sat down at the organ and began to play. His little hands moved over the keys and the room was filled with a sweetest music. When he finished playing, he turned around and saw his father and the Duke looking at him. The Duke asked him where he had learned to play, and the boy told him about the piano in the attic. Then the Duke persuaded Handle's father to let him study music, and he became a famous composer. 6.Fritz And The WolfFritz was the son of a farmer who lived in a lonely part of Russia. The rude cabin which was his home stood in a dark forest, several miles from the nearest village. One day Fritz was sent to the village with a letter. It was the middle of winter and the snow lay on the evening in visiting his friends. It was late, and the moon was up before he set out for home. When he was a short distance from his father's house, Fritz saw a dark object before him in the path. At first he thought in was dog. As he came nearer he found that is was a fierce wolf that stood in his way. Fritz knew that it would be useless to try to run away. He had to think of some other means of escape. He had heard that hunters sometimes escaped from bears by lying flat on the ground as if they were dead, and he thought he would try this plan with the wolf. Without a moment's delay, he threw himself down on the snow. The wolf came slowly toward him. It stood beside him for a minute. Quite still, and then began to sniff about him Fritz did not dare to move. By and the wolf reached his neck, and resting one foot on his body, looked at him closely. Fritz felt the water from the jaws of the wolf dropping on his face. “Death or life now！” said Fritz to himself. Quick as thought, he seized the paws which were resting on either side of his neck, drew them tightly over his shoulders, sprang up and walked off with the wolf hanging on his back. So tightly did he draw the wolf’s neck against his shoulders, that the animal could scarcely breathe and tried in vain to use its teeth. With its hind paws, however, it scratched furiously at Fritz’s legs, and made it difficult for him to walk. At length with his strange load he reached his father’s door. “Father! father!” he cried, but there was no reply. Fritz was nearly tired out. He could not knock with his hand and he did not dare to lift his foot for fear of falling. All that he could do was to turn round and dash the wolf against the door with all his might. The noise awoke everyone in the cabin. “Father！” he cried again, “ help, father! I have a live wolf.” The farmer lost on time in opening the door and stood, gun in hand, ready to shoot. “Do not shoot,” said the boy, “the wolf is on my back. The dogs! the dogs!” At this moment Fritz’s mother let loose two great dogs that were tied in the cabin, and that had been barking furiously. Suddenly Fritz threw the wolf from his shoulders, and the dogs, seeing the danger of their young master, flew at the wolf, and soon had it in their power. Fritz did not wish the wolf to be killed by the dogs, for then he could not say that he had caught a live wolf. As quick as thought he took a rope and tied it round the wolf's neck, at the same time telling his father to pull the dogs away. When this was done, Fritz put the badly wounded and much frightened animal into a box. There he kept it until, a short time afterward, a man came along and bought it to send to a menagerie. I suppose the wolf is still looking its white teeth to the crowds of boys and girls who go to look at the wild animals.7. The Priceless Dog A lady was going by steamer from a city to another in America. On board with her were her baby boy and a maid. The maid was carrying the child in her arms. As the steamer came near to the landing-place, it began to slacken speed. The maid walked to the side of the vessel to look over, when all at once the child sprang out of her arms, and fell into the water below. The swift stream carried it quickly away. The mother was nearly wild with grief and fear. The sailors began to lower a boat. But everyone could see that the child would be drowned before the boat could reach it. What was to be done? Among the people on board was a gentleman who had been quietly reading in another part of the steamer. Hearing the cries of the mother, he came quickly forward and said, "Can you give me something the child has worn?" The maid gave him a tiny apron, which had been left in her hands as she tried to save the child from falling. The gentleman turned to a fine Newfoundland dog that stood near, looking up into his face. He pointed first to the apron, and then to the spot where the child had sunk. In an instant the noble dog sprang into the river. You can think how everyone on board felt! Would the dog reach the child in time to save its life? Soon the dog was seen far away with something in his mouth. Bravely he swam against the strong stream, but it was feared that his strength would soon give way. More than one on board cried for joy as the boat reached him and the sailors drew child and dog from the water. When they were brought on board the steamer, the mother went first to her little boy to see that he was alive. Then she rushed forward, and throwing her arms round the dog's neck, burst into tears. She kissed his shaggy head, and said to his owner, "Oh, sir; I must have this dog! I will give anything for the dog that has saved my darling's life!" The gentleman smiled, and patted his dog's head, as he said: "I am very glad, madam, that Hector has been of service to you; but I would not part with him for anything in the world." The dog looked as if he knew that they were talking about himself. He gave his sides a shake, and lay down at his master's feet, with a look in his big eyes that seemed to say, "No, master, nothing shall part us!"8. Good For Evil One evening a settler in the wilds of America was standing in his door. An Indian, who was tired and hungry, came and asked him for something to eat. The settler said sharply, “I have nothing for you.” The Indian then asked for a glass of milk, and the settler again refused. The Indian then begged for a little cold water, but the settler only answered roughly, “go away, you Indian dog!” the Indian fixed his eyes on the settler for a moment, and then turned away. Some days after that, the same settler went hunting, and lost his way in a dense wood, and wandered about till it grew dark. By and by he saw a dim light through the trees, and he went toward it. He found that the light came from the fire in an Indian hut. So he went up to the hut, and asked the way to his home. But the Indian said: “it is a long way off, and the night is dark. You cannot get home tonight. If you wander about in the wood, you will fall a prey to the hungry wolves. But if you don’t mind to stay with me for the night, you may.” The settler gladly accepted the offer of the kind Indian. And the Indian broiled some venison for him, and gave him clear water to drink, and then spread a warm deerskin for him to lie upon. Early the next morning the Indian called the hunter and said:” the sun is up. Your home is a long way off, but I will show you the way.” The Indian shouldered his gun and went on ahead, while the hunter followed in his footsteps. They had traveled thus for many miles, when the Indian turned to the hunter on.” The Indian then fixed his keen eyes on the hunter, and said, “do you know me?” “I think I have seen you before,” said the hunter. “Yes, you have seen me at your own door,” said the Indian. “and now, at parting, let me give you a piece of advice. When a poor Indian. Hungry and thirsty and faint, again asks you for a little food of drink, do not say to him---- go away, you Indian dog!” Tthe settler felt very ashamed of what he had done, and begged the Indian to forgive him. He returned a sadder and a wiser man.9.The Maid Of Orleans About six hundred years ago there broke out great war between France and England. The English army invaded France and won a great many battles, and the French army was driven back again and again. The French soldiers were so discouraged that they were almost ready to give up. At that time there lived a poor peasant girl named Joan of Arc. One day while she was in the field watching her sheep, she heard voices speaking to her. They told her that she must go to the French army and lead it against the English. She believed that the voices came from Heaven and she fell on her knees and prayed. The next day she left her home and went to the Commander of the French army and told him the story of the voices. The Commander listened to her and believed her. He gave her a beautiful white horse and suit of white armor. When the soldiers saw her and heard her story, they followed her gladly to relieve the city of Orleans, which had been besieged by the English for some months and was on the point of surrender. But the French army fought so bravely that the English were beaten back. Since that time Joan was called the Maid of Orleans. Not long afterward Joan was taken prisoner by the English and burned at Rouen. She lived and died bravely, and all the world honors her.

The Priceless Dog A lady was going by steamer from a city to another in America. On board with her were her baby boy and a maid. The maid was carrying the child in her arms. As the steamer came near to the landing-place, it began to slacken speed. The maid walked to the side of the vessel to look over, when all at once the child sprang out of her arms, and fell into the water below. The swift stream carried it quickly away. The mother was nearly wild with grief and fear. The sailors began to lower a boat. But everyone could see that the child would be drowned before the boat could reach it. What was to be done? Among the people on board was a gentleman who had been quietly reading in another part of the steamer. Hearing the cries of the mother, he came quickly forward and said, "Can you give me something the child has worn?" The maid gave him a tiny apron, which had been left in her hands as she tried to save the child from falling. The gentleman turned to a fine Newfoundland dog that stood near, looking up into his face. He pointed first to the apron, and then to the spot where the child had sunk. In an instant the noble dog sprang into the river. You can think how everyone on board felt! Would the dog reach the child in time to save its life? Soon the dog was seen far away with something in his mouth. Bravely he swam against the strong stream, but it was feared that his strength would soon give way. More than one on board cried for joy as the boat reached him and the sailors drew child and dog from the water. When they were brought on board the steamer, the mother went first to her little boy to see that he was alive. Then she rushed forward, and throwing her arms round the dog's neck, burst into tears. She kissed his shaggy head, and said to his owner, "Oh, sir; I must have this dog! I will give anything for the dog that has saved my darling's life!" The gentleman smiled, and patted his dog's head, as he said: "I am very glad, madam, that Hector has been of service to you; but I would not part with him for anything in the world." The dog looked as if he knew that they were talking about himself. He gave his sides a shake, and lay down at his master's feet, with a look in his big eyes that seemed to say, "No, master, nothing shall part us!"

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了. A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." 1,Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 2. The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。 "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。 3. The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 新老师 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 "乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。 "妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。" 4. A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ 尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。 Jim’s History Examination Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination? Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born. 吉姆的历史考试 舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？ 母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个 可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。 Magic change神奇变化 Gaga is a little duck. He is small, dirty and ugly. His friends don’t like to play with him. One day, Gaga walked behind his friends quietly(静悄悄地).But his friends did not want him. Gaga was very sad and ran to the river and cried loudly(大声地)。 Just then, a big beautiful bird heard(听见)him crying and flew down(飞下来，落下来). She said, “Please don’t cry. Tell me, what do you want? I can help you.” Gaga told the truth(真相). The beautiful bird said, “OK, I can help you to become a good-looking duck.” Then she took out a blanket and put it on the duck’s body. She said something which the little duck didn’t understand. Then she took away the blanket. There stood (站立)a good-looking duck. Gaga was very happy. He thanked the big bird and quickly went to play with his friends

Apples and pearsMum:If you have one pear,and Igive you two,how many pears do you have?Jim:I don't know.We use apples for math in school.

THE LION AND THE MOUSE Lion was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face. Rising up in anger, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying： “If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness.” The Lion laughed and let him go. It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by strong ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came up, and gnawed the rope with his teeth, and setting him free, exclaimed： “You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, not expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favour； but now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to confer benefits on a Lion.” 1．狮和鼠 一只老鼠从一只狮子面前跑过去，将它从梦中吵醒。 狮子生气地跳起来，捉住老鼠，要弄死它。老鼠哀求说：「只要你肯饶恕我这条小生命，我将来一定会报答你的大恩。」狮子便笑着放了它。 后来狮子被几个猎人捉住，用粗绳捆绑倒在地上。老鼠听出是狮子的吼声，走来用牙齿咬断绳索，释放了它，并大声说：「你当时嘲笑我想帮你的忙，而且也不指望我有什么机会 报答。但是你现在知道了，就算是小老鼠，也能向狮子效劳的。」