深田和美
下面是我整理的英语幽默小对话，欢迎大家阅读!
英语幽默小对话1：
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
Preacher: What did you do, little girl?
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?
Girl: He touched my breast.
Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)
Girl: Yes, that's what he did.
Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that's what he did...
Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a...
Girl: But he had AIDS!!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
英语幽默小对话2：
A: You really like my stupid jokes?
B: Yes, they just tear me up! You have such a dry sense of humor and you keep such a straight face that it takes minutes for the joke to dawn on me.
A: Yes, well such jokes aren’t funny if the wisecracker laughs. My father was a great jokester. It sometimes took hours for me and my brother to get the joke.
A: 你真的喜欢我讲的这些愚蠢的笑话吗?
B: 是的，它们都快让我肚皮笑破了!你还真能装，板着个脸，我是过了一会儿才领悟你的笑话的。
A: 讲俏皮话的人自己先笑了，就没意思了。我爸可会讲笑话了，有的时候我和我哥得花上半天功夫才能明白过来。
英语幽默小对话3：
男: This seat empty?(这个座位是空的吧?)
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。)【我立马走人】
男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你?)
女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。)【我不想和你有任何交集】
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?)
女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】
男：Can I have your name?(我能知道你的名字吗?)
女：Why? Don''t you already have one? (为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?)
男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)【长的真丑】
男：I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐。)
女：Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】
你跑这么慢
Self-Education Education plays a great role in our life.But,real education begins with self education.That is to educate ourselves.I have had such experience.When I finish reading a good book,which is informative and exciting,I am lost deep in thoughts and enlightened.Something or somebody ordinary in life,once written in books,after careful reading and thinking,will reveal truth and philosophy.When I succeed or fad,get praised or criticized,happy or sad,I can find in books a good mirror to reflect and guide me I cannot but put myself upon thinking,"What was What will I he?" At this time,my mind is open and I am my sincere self.I am having a dialogue with myself,with my conscience.Without my knowing it,I am educating myself.So you can see by self -education.I mean thinking and contradicting within the mind.In the process of thinking and contradicting I have recollections and appraisal of myself.Then I make decisions aecording]y and keep myself in control of my thoughts and actions in the hope that I better myself in character,behavior,virtue and manner.Self-education is an effective way to make one noble minded,more able and intelligent and to perfect oneself.If a man keeps receiving education and educating himself,he is sure to be one cut above others.自我教育 教育在人生中起着重要作用,但是真正的教育是从自我教育开始的.这就是自己教育自己.我有过这样的经历.当我读完一本信息广、令人激动的书时,我会陷入沉思,有所启迪.生活中的常人琐事,一写进书中,经过仔细阅读思考,则揭示出真情与哲理.无论是获得成功还是失败,表扬还是批评,幸福还是悲伤,我都能在书中找到一面好的镜子来对照和指导自己.我不由地想：“我过去怎样?将来会怎样?”此时我的心胸开阔,是一个真正的我.我和自己、和我的良心对话.不知不觉中,我在教育自己.由此可以看到,我所谓的自我教育就是在心中思考和辩论.在思考和辩论的过程中进行自我反思和评价.然后做出决定,控制自己的思想和行动,以便提高自己的品格、行为、德行和风度.自我教育是使人思想崇高、增长才能和智力、完善自我的有效途径.如果一个人不断地接受教育和自我教育,他一定比别人技高一筹.
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